whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 and we are options because they truly feel that they can go back and forth from the OW to the W without getting into trouble. Yes they can because the OW lets them. His wife doesn't know you two are seeing eachother again, so as long as he's getting away with it, he'll continue doing what he's doing. I hope you walk away soon.
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 and like frannie said he really isnt keeping me from anything. HE IS! He's keeping you from getting all your needs met. He's keeping you around for HIS needs, not yours. You are missing out by allowing this affair to continue. YOU are missing out - That is what he is keeping you from..Yourself.
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 wwiu, his W never believed we were ever actually seeing each other. MM does fulfill some needs of mine. it is not a totally one sided R. i am not trying to defend my position here, i dont like how it has happened. i will eventually have to leave him to find a man who i can marry, because i want a family for my children to grow up in. but there is love between us and it will be a very hard decision for me, but it is one that i have to make. i will have to leave the love i know to take a chance on the love that i dont. it is a risky proposition for one so lonely.
SanDiegoGuy Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 "dont make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" As the OM involved with a MW....this really, REALLY hit home. Great quote!!! Gee wonder what she's doing this weekend....oh wait....we ALL know exactly what the MM or MW is doing, huh?.......
OpenBook Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 And here's another one, along the same lines: "We teach other people how to treat us." Thank you Dr. Phil!! We're an option because we allow the MM to treat us that way. But I'm preaching to the choir here. We already know that. It's just that it's so GOOD when we're with the MM. It's hard to break out of it. Making ourselves THE priority helps with that, either by making it easier to break it off (if it's not working for us), or by making the MM just an option for US (if it is working).
Hurt & Alone Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I like to think of myself as desert. Best part of the meal.
East of Jupiter Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 wwiu, his W never believed we were ever actually seeing each other. MM does fulfill some needs of mine. it is not a totally one sided R. i am not trying to defend my position here, i dont like how it has happened. i will eventually have to leave him to find a man who i can marry, because i want a family for my children to grow up in. but there is love between us and it will be a very hard decision for me, but it is one that i have to make. i will have to leave the love i know to take a chance on the love that i dont. it is a risky proposition for one so lonely. I find this so very sad. What we consider "love." I don't find either side experiencing "love." Not the BW or the OW and frankly not the MM either. Despite how much we rationalize it. This is not love, hun. You know this and that is why you are feeling as you are. We bend and twist ourselves in order to accept that what we are getting is love.
East of Jupiter Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I like to think of myself as desert. Best part of the meal. I always regret desert.
East of Jupiter Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I like to think of myself as desert. Best part of the meal. I always regret dessert.
East of Jupiter Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 And here's another one, along the same lines: "We teach other people how to treat us." Thank you Dr. Phil!! We're an option because we allow the MM to treat us that way. But I'm preaching to the choir here. We already know that. It's just that it's so GOOD when we're with the MM. It's hard to break out of it. Making ourselves THE priority helps with that, either by making it easier to break it off (if it's not working for us), or by making the MM just an option for US (if it is working). That goes for the BW as well.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I always regret dessert. But it fits perfectly when you put into context. Usually a person is to full from dinner for desert. The desert is very tempting and they know it is very bad for them to cross the line and pick up that fork, if they choose to then they will pay for it much later. Yet, they keep making the same mistake because that chocolate cake is irresistible and sooner or later it shows.
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 hurt that is such a good explanation of the MM's desire for the OW. yes we are bad for them, but they keep coming back for more they like eating cake remember?
frannie Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 And here's another one, along the same lines: "We teach other people how to treat us." Thank you Dr. Phil!! We're an option because we allow the MM to treat us that way. Aren't we all each other's options..? I mean, yes MM (and for SDG MW) might be at home this weekend, doing family stuff but so what..? The sun is shining, we're single people (well, some of us are anyway ) and we can do whatever we like. All this 'I'm only an option, woe is me' is really just an attitude of mind. Many, many married people would prefer to be out in the sunshine doing whatever they liked ... so quit feeling sorry for yourselves!
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 why is everyone acting this way about real people and real events i have spent the last 10 months of my life battling thru various situations to actually help and be an honest part of someone's life and it gets treated like a joke - i don't understand why this is am i doing something really wrong here?
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 And here's another one, along the same lines: "We teach other people how to treat us." Thank you Dr. Phil!! We're an option because we allow the MM to treat us that way. I don't agree with Dr. Phil (can't stand him btw LOL) we don't TEACH other people how to treat us... We allow them to continue...there's a difference. If a guy comes in our life with his baggage... (ex. violence) we don't teach him to be violent... but if we don't do anything about it the first time, he will do it again.. therefore we are allowing him to continue.
OpenBook Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 And here's another one, along the same lines: "We teach other people how to treat us." Thank you Dr. Phil!! We're an option because we allow the MM to treat us that way. I don't agree with Dr. Phil (can't stand him btw LOL) we don't TEACH other people how to treat us... We allow them to continue...there's a difference. If a guy comes in our life with his baggage... (ex. violence) we don't teach him to be violent... but if we don't do anything about it the first time, he will do it again.. therefore we are allowing him to continue. Ah, here we go again Lizzie -- potato, potahto! I think we're both saying the same thing, but in different ways. In the above example, we teach him not to be violent WITH US. (And why can't you stand Dr. Phil?? Just curious.)
OpenBook Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 why is everyone acting this way about real people and real events i have spent the last 10 months of my life battling thru various situations to actually help and be an honest part of someone's life and it gets treated like a joke - i don't understand why this is am i doing something really wrong here? I don't understand. I (for one) ain't jokin' - I'm dead serious. Can you clarify??
East of Jupiter Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 But it fits perfectly when you put into context. Usually a person is to full from dinner for desert. The desert is very tempting and they know it is very bad for them to cross the line and pick up that fork, if they choose to then they will pay for it much later. Yet, they keep making the same mistake because that chocolate cake is irresistible and sooner or later it shows. Exactly what I meant.
woe_is_me Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 All this 'I'm only an option, woe is me' is really just an attitude of mind. Woe is not really me anymore:confused: I wasn't thinking six months ahead when i first posted.. i was a mess back in February and couldn't think 10 mintues ahead let alone six months..
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 frannie i wish we could all be as content as you seem in your relationship with MM. i dont know how you do it.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I think contentment has to do with the amount of needs being filled in the R...the more your needs are met, the more content you are...and vice versa... Decide what your needs are...and go from there...
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 well dang gel, that puts things in a little too much of a perspective for me
Author sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 i know my needs are not being met like i would like. i know i am not wrong for wanting more. one day he will realize that he has lost something really great and i hope he will wish he had tried harder.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 i know my needs are not being met like i would like. i know i am not wrong for wanting more. one day he will realize that he has lost something really great and i hope he will wish he had tried harder. And one day you won't care what he thinks anymore...Why can't he do better? What are you asking from him that he won't do?
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