uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 What if you go for the wrong type? I think I do. Here's the type I go for....they're very intelligent and witty. They're sort of sarcastic and a smartass too. I wouldn't call them bad-boys. They're middle-aged (I dislike using this term now that it applies to me), well educated professionals usually with kids. The ones Ive dated are successful, attractive and fit as well. When I see intelligence, wit, and sarcasm come back at me from a guy I'm talking to....my face lights up. It's like "Ahhh....a kindred spirit!" I am so totally attracted to this type. However, I've started to wonder about this types profile. I've come up with a theory about it. My theory is that maybe sarcastic people have deeper issues. Now, before any sarcastic people out there take offense, keep in mind that I'm aware of what this says about me as well. I mean, because if you think about it, sarcasm is really a defense mechanism. And sarcasm has a bit of anger behind it. And the wit and intelligence.....well..throughout history, it's been the highly intelligent and creative that have often had mental issues as well. The problem I've run into with the men that I like is that they lack compassion or the ability to form closeness. One thing that doesn't make sense is this....I'm very intelligent, witty, and sarcastic and yet I'm compassionate and caring. I think why can't I find one that also has compassion and a caring nature too? As for as the forming closeness, I might have some issues with that a bit. Anyway, what I think happens is, I find these men who have the qualities that "make my face light up" and even as I start to notice some cracks in the pavement....such as a lack of compassion....an inability to get very close......some coldness abruptly thrown in.....a cutting remark or two.....I tend to overlook it because first, it's not often I'm able to find that witty, intelligent type of guy and second because I think maybe that other part will go away...or I could ignore it...or I could change it. This is what I've seen myself getting into. I don't know the answer of how to change it though. I like the type of personality that I like...I don't see how that could change. I guess there are a few like that out there that also might be compassionate and caring as well, but I'm guessing they're few and far between. This is what makes dating so difficult for me.
lost4ever Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 There are very few of these type of man around (though the all think they fit the bill) The few that we have on this earth, you and I are fighting over!!! I agree 99.9% with everything you said, only thing is, One thing that doesn't make sense is this....I'm very intelligent, witty, and sarcastic and yet I'm compassionate and caring. I think why can't I find one that also has compassion and a caring nature too? I'm a little lacking on the compassion and caring, so when I do meet a guy like this, we pretty much agrue about physics, make off-handed comments about sex, and then piss eachother off with our sarcasam, then neither feel sorry for the other and we go to bed....Gosh I miss my man (I'm such the dork)
lost4ever Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Humm, so much for intelligence, can't even spell sarcasm!
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 There are very few of these type of man around (though the all think they fit the bill) The few that we have on this earth, you and I are fighting over!!! I agree 99.9% with everything you said, only thing is, One thing that doesn't make sense is this....I'm very intelligent, witty, and sarcastic and yet I'm compassionate and caring. I think why can't I find one that also has compassion and a caring nature too? I'm a little lacking on the compassion and caring, so when I do meet a guy like this, we pretty much agrue about physics, make off-handed comments about sex, and then piss eachother off with our sarcasam, then neither feel sorry for the other and we go to bed....Gosh I miss my man (I'm such the dork) LOL....so I need to lose the compassion and caring then!
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Why are you exempted from your theory? Where did you get out of my post that I was exempt?
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Where did you get out of my post that I was exempt? Okay, I understand now. You want a guy who's just like you. Btw, I don't agree that sarcastic people have deeper issues. It's just another form of humour. It's like saying that people with slapstick humour, are all sadists/masochists.
underpants Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I hate to blow a hole in your theory. I know several sarcastic and intelligent men who are very faithful and committed. I even have a running joke with one of my friends husbands about starting the 'Church of the Cynic'. We discuss communion and rantings of our own proclaimations of rantings. We like it. I don't think I have a type. I am rather Swedish when I look at my past relationships. Smorgishboard buffet. I just try to appreciate (or sometimes negate) the entries presented to me. I enjoy more the subtle qualities that derive a person. People facinate me, all types. I have though recently admitted that if I just start off by hating you. We just might have a shot. That is not so good, maybe??? Not always, but I would be lying if I did not admit that hate/attraction concept. Me thinks not so healthy though. I may have residual acid reflux from that one.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Swami says, the hate is a self-defense mechanism or a method that men use to get your attention. "See, I've got this big, hairy spider." *girl screams and runs away* *boy pursues*
monkey00 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I think everyone has a different sense of humor; some more sarcastic than others...some with dry humor, and some with childish dumb remarks, or just lame jokes in general. And it sounds like you're looking for a mirror of yourself, someone that pushes the mental stimulation...a smartass on one end, and a sensitive guy on the other, well good luck people like that still do exist.
underpants Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Swami says, the hate is a self-defense mechanism or a method that men use to get your attention. "See, I've got this big, hairy spider." *girl screams and runs away* *boy pursues* Ha, I love spiders.... I know what you are saying though. My ex, the one that the Universe sent a steel pipe to. I once said to him that he was the boy on the playground that pulled a girls hair when he liked her. His response was to pull my hair, over and over. These kinds of talks were are deepest conversations. Burp...
jcster Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I've suffered from a similar situation for a long time, and I've come to this conclusion. I think you're right that in some cases, sarcasm and wit are a cover for a deep oversensitivity - I know that's the case with me. I use my intelligence as a smokescreen, and my humor as a deflection mechanism. But, there's the flip side to that, and that's the true narcissist. Those are the guys I've ended up falling for again and again. It's nearly impossible to tell the narcissists from the overly sensitive. I'm getting better at it, but I think that's what you've been experiencing. A narcissist cares only for themselves - they're funny and sarcastic because they don't really give a sh*t about anyone elses feelings. They're tons of fun until you fall for one, and then you realize you're alone.
underpants Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I've suffered from a similar situation for a long time, and I've come to this conclusion. I think you're right that in some cases, sarcasm and wit are a cover for a deep oversensitivity - I know that's the case with me. I use my intelligence as a smokescreen, and my humor as a deflection mechanism. But, there's the flip side to that, and that's the true narcissist. Those are the guys I've ended up falling for again and again. It's nearly impossible to tell the narcissists from the overly sensitive. I'm getting better at it, but I think that's what you've been experiencing. A narcissist cares only for themselves - they're funny and sarcastic because they don't really give a sh*t about anyone elses feelings. They're tons of fun until you fall for one, and then you realize you're alone. True that, it is a really scary place to be. My guess is this has happened truly once to me. Hopefully ever just once. It is what brought me here.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 This is what makes dating so difficult for me. Im a little late to the party, but I did a little thinking on this particular topic. Sarcasm in my view is actually a lack of wit. Its very easy to be sarcastic, and often it isnt as humorous as it is insulting. I have a lot of guy friends who are extremely intelligent... and sarcastic. Why? It helps them feel superior to situations and others. But thats not the point of my post. After reading through the list of items that your attracted to.... I have come to the conclusion that maybe you should be hitting up DirectX! You two have a lot in common! I mean that completely in a good way.
stillafool Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 The type you are talking about seem to be about 80% of women's type. These guys know this. Oh yeah, women just line up to get dogged by your type. Good Luck in the race!
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I think everyone has a different sense of humor; some more sarcastic than others...some with dry humor, and some with childish dumb remarks, or just lame jokes in general. And it sounds like you're looking for a mirror of yourself, someone that pushes the mental stimulation...a smartass on one end, and a sensitive guy on the other, well good luck people like that still do exist. Yeah, that's pretty much it. This last guy poses as a sensitive guy--describes himself as one too. Thing is, he was EXTREMELY sensitive on what was said to him, however not very sensitive at all on what he said to me.
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I've suffered from a similar situation for a long time, and I've come to this conclusion. I think you're right that in some cases, sarcasm and wit are a cover for a deep oversensitivity - I know that's the case with me. I use my intelligence as a smokescreen, and my humor as a deflection mechanism. But, there's the flip side to that, and that's the true narcissist. Those are the guys I've ended up falling for again and again. It's nearly impossible to tell the narcissists from the overly sensitive. I'm getting better at it, but I think that's what you've been experiencing. A narcissist cares only for themselves - they're funny and sarcastic because they don't really give a sh*t about anyone elses feelings. They're tons of fun until you fall for one, and then you realize you're alone. I think you hit the nail on the head! Tell me more!
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Im a little late to the party, but I did a little thinking on this particular topic. Sarcasm in my view is actually a lack of wit. Its very easy to be sarcastic, and often it isnt as humorous as it is insulting. I have a lot of guy friends who are extremely intelligent... and sarcastic. Why? It helps them feel superior to situations and others. But thats not the point of my post. After reading through the list of items that your attracted to.... I have come to the conclusion that maybe you should be hitting up DirectX! You two have a lot in common! I mean that completely in a good way. I hate to say that I don't really mean those who are only sarcastic. I mean wit with a bit of sarcasm thrown in. As for as DirectX.....don't know a thing about him.
VIP Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 This type can be quite attractive, but this attraction is superficial. What good is intelligence, looks, education if a person has no compassion? You have to try to look for people of substance first, and everything else should be secondary. You get what you are looking for. If he is so perfect, he knows, that he doesn't need to try hard to pursue any woman. Women will pursue him and will fight over him, so he doesn't take any of them seriously.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I hate to say that I don't really mean those who are only sarcastic. I mean wit with a bit of sarcasm thrown in. As for as DirectX.....don't know a thing about him. Ah, well... thats a little different. Just look for a guy that sometimes uses self-depreciating humor. You may not know him... but thats something that could be fixed!... lol.
Woggle Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Men like that just tell women what they want to hear and they get women hooked. In many ways they understand women more than any other man and they use to get inside a woman's head and play with it.
SoHotZanzibar Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I've done some research on this 'DirectX'. He is a jerk. You want nothing to do with him. He's a liar, a flirt, and simply not funny. Go out and get yourself a real man, not some little boy trying to be entertaining. Some of you people on here are a little too picky and holier-than-thou, don't you think? I cringed when I read some of the advice on handling fear of flying and some of the other poor advice on here. Anyway, thats my two-cents.
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 This type can be quite attractive, but this attraction is superficial. What good is intelligence, looks, education if a person has no compassion? You have to try to look for people of substance first, and everything else should be secondary. You get what you are looking for. If he is so perfect, he knows, that he doesn't need to try hard to pursue any woman. Women will pursue him and will fight over him, so he doesn't take any of them seriously. Yeah, I know you're right. You definately make some very good points. Those types of guys seem to be like a drug to me and I hate that.
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Ah, well... thats a little different. Just look for a guy that sometimes uses self-depreciating humor. You may not know him... but thats something that could be fixed!... lol. LOL...and why do you think DirectX and I are a pair? For all I know we don't even live in the same country, aren't the same age, etc..... You are too funny!
Author uniqueone Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Men like that just tell women what they want to hear and they get women hooked. In many ways they understand women more than any other man and they use to get inside a woman's head and play with it. Yes, you're right...you're right....I know. But something pulls me in. And you know what I found out about these types of men? They often read women's magazines to find out more about how women think. Seriously. And I doubt they do it just because they care so much about a woman's feelings.
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