spike7165 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Hi, I posted my situation under this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t128039/ Basically I need some advice on what to do now. Current situation is that long term gf wanted to split. After lot of talking discovered due to my bad behaviour over several months. Nothing too horrible, being stressed about work, arguing, not supportive enough. I always told her I love her but I changed from the man she met. She has agreed to let me try and make her happy again and show her I have changed but the problem is her barriers and defences are up. I know there is love still there for me, but she is very defensive now and does not want to get hurt again. She has also said she may just turn round in a week and still say it's over. What do I do? My plan is to try and show her I am back to my old self, that I got my priorities wrong in life and that I can make her happy. Is that the best thing to do though? I really am so in love with this girl still after 3 years and the thought of losing her and my family is destroying me. Any help appreciated.
GuerreroAzteca Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Hi. There are a lot of similarities between your relationship and my own. I was with her for 5 and a half years. I changed and this definately played a part in her losing interest. We both changed to some extent. Matured. I was the same way you were with her and about 5 months ago accepted my shortcomings as well and have fought very hard for the relationship. She however was only hanging on by a thread and was not reciprocating the effort. So I made her tell me that she does not love me the same way, not that i wanted her to but why kid each other right? (everybody knows when something is wrong but because its so safe so comfortable to be in that relationship it gets sugarcoated and overlooked) She too took forever and still does take forever to tell me her feelings same way your lady did. She did this because 1st she has no idea what she wants. 2nd she did not want to hurt me, but the lying the fact that she was there but really wasn't hurt me much more than her saying goodbye. This hurt me on a daily basis. All onesided everything. That is painful. I knew and know in my heart that i can make it work. And i tried. but the pain you get when she isnt quite on the same page and your giving it your soul is not quite as bad as just letting go. Here is where love talks. I still hold hope even though i've given her everything and thats our paradox man. The fact is I already tried. The only thing to do is leave it on good terms. Have NO CONTACT and if she comes back then its up to where you are in life then and up to her to give you the effort she lacked. Of course dont sit and wait find someone else thus the depeds where you are in life.
Author spike7165 Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Oh man.....and woman....I am now totally confused. My gf got a bit drunk today and went through just about every up/down jeckyl/hyde moment you could have all within the space of one afternoon. We went through, I love you so much...I love you a lot, you'll always protect me won't you blah blah etc.... and making love 3 times to within the same almost 2 hours to you'll always be my friend won't you in the future, if we break up you'll always be my friend, if you get married again we can be lovers!! And probably more twists that I can't remember.. Oh and she also threw in for good measure as she said a test ... what if I go away for a couple of months to be free.... So I am 32 and not inexperienced in the ways of the world, and not inexperienced in her slight craziness to put it mildly she has always been that way. But she is almost looking manic. I forgot to add she went from happy to crying about nothing within 2 minutes! I am beginning to think theres some serious problem but I don't know what it is. I know she's scared about the future, if I'll hurt her, very scared about marriage again and feeling older and wanting to not feel controlled and free but this is one huge rollercoaster. Most people seem to get mood changes over a couple of days or so not 2 hours!!! Any help would be appreciated as I love her a lot but in the course of a couple of days I have gone from extreme suicidal sadness to now being tired and completely confused of the whole situation. Thanks Guys & Gals!
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