luvmy2ns Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I don't know that your post even deserves a reply, but i felt compelled to..Are you having your A b/c you enjoy being w/ your MM or just b/c you enjoy the thought that you are hurting his W and family...Which is it, or is it both...never mind you don't even have to answer that...I don't want to know. For the money, honey! Where have you been where L60 is concerned? lol
PoshPrincess Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 You can contact her H, and inform him that you are going to tip her off, but you think it would be best if she heard it from him. Yes, he will hate you... maybe forever, but who cares, he's a piece of crap to begin with! I agree. NID, confront her H and let him know that if he doesn't tell her, you will! She really does deserve to know so that she can make a decision about what to do. She may well carry on regardless but that will be HER decision. I have had simialr discussions with friends re would they want me to tell them if I knew their Hs/BFs were up to something. I know the ones that would want me to tell but I would be damn sure to confront their men first to give them the opportunity to own up. Better that than my friend hearing it from me. I also have friends that I know wouldn't want to know. I once told a friend (years ago in our early 20s) that her BF (now her H) had cheated on her with numerous women and she told me that I was making it up as I was jealous coz I didn't have a boyfriend of my own! That's so not me but I now know not to bother again!
RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I agree. NID, confront her H and let him know that if he doesn't tell her, you will! She really does deserve to know so that she can make a decision about what to do. She may well carry on regardless but that will be HER decision. I have had simialr discussions with friends re would they want me to tell them if I knew their Hs/BFs were up to something. I know the ones that would want me to tell but I would be damn sure to confront their men first to give them the opportunity to own up. Better that than my friend hearing it from me. I also have friends that I know wouldn't want to know. I once told a friend (years ago in our early 20s) that her BF (now her H) had cheated on her with numerous women and she told me that I was making it up as I was jealous coz I didn't have a boyfriend of my own! That's so not me but I now know not to bother again! Good point PP... Allowing the Spouse to own up is a really good first step. My GF's back when were not looking at me as if I was jealous so much as that they were embarrassed to have me look at them in a different light because they stayed in the marriage regardless. We talked about it and I told them my views of them leaving or staying would never taint my views of them as far as our friendship was concerned, but they couldn't seem to get past their feeling. I still love them to pieces even with the change in dynamic.
PoshPrincess Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Good point PP... Allowing the Spouse to own up is a really good first step. My GF's back when were not looking at me as if I was jealous so much as that they were embarrassed to have me look at them in a different light because they stayed in the marriage regardless. We talked about it and I told them my views of them leaving or staying would never taint my views of them as far as our friendship was concerned, but they couldn't seem to get past their feeling. I still love them to pieces even with the change in dynamic. Hey, that must be really hard RC, but they're lucky to have such a good friend!
RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Hey, that must be really hard RC, but they're lucky to have such a good friend! Thanks PP But I would tend to believe it would be harder on them, because my feelings towards them have not changed, no matter what choice they made for themselves.
frannie Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Just thinking about the story with the child someone's friend knows nothing about... that's not just an affair, but as others have pointed out, siblings to one's own child, child support, and all sorts of other issues. I would really be wondering how best to tell in that situation, because I think (again as others have said) the depth of that deception and the feeling of betrayal by others who knew and said nothing would surely outweigh any pain of finding out in the here and now..? Regarding my own MM and telling his W... yeah of course it crosses the mind (very very fleetingly!) because it's an option, however quickly dismissed it is considered before dismissing..? The obvious reason for not telling is that it would be a betrayal against him, the person I'm involved with. What possible good could come of it for me..? Or really for him..? Certainly no good for 'us'. The reasons it sometimes seems like an 'option' (one I'd never carry out) is that it seems that if she knew, there would be a lot of solutions, a lot of answers to a lot of questions... and (minorly, but certainly not insignificantly) I think that somehow she'd be able to turn her marriage round, if only she knew what was wrong. And I hate the fact she doesn't know. But of course I'd never tell, because it's not to my benefit, would hurt him too much, and I think it's really inevitable that it all comes out at some point anyway... better that I'm not the ONE to do it.
lost4ever Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I think about telling the W a great deal, and like others I will not (mine are for selfish reasons mostly) -one she could ruin my career (thats the big one) I really think she needs to know, If I knew she would take warning and not use it to ruin my career I would tell. I really never wanted to until I found out how much of a looser the guy really is/was. She needs to know that he goes on business trips to other countries and pays for company She needs to know that I am not the only one, try 4 before me and recently, I have been putting two and two together, I think his first child (he said he had in college) is actually the result of an affair while those two were engaged. She needs to know that he is a creep that has at least 4 sexual harassment cases against him at work right now She needs to know that he left early from her mom's memorial and was late for the funeral because he was with the OW (he has no repect for her) The only thing I really know about her is she has a MBA. I think about writing her and telling about H other life telling her I am sorry for being any part of it, and I am deeply sorry for the pain I caused, telling her I will give her three days to digest everything, and giving her a time and date that I will call if she needs to know any information, and then tell her that I will never have contact with her and her family again, and again and again tell her I am sorry.....but I will not
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 ^^^^ I would doubt she is clueless. Just guessing here but I think he's probably got her beat down emotionally. She either accepts it and puts her head in the sand... or she's doing the same thing back to him. Its good that you care though!
Author NoIDidn't Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 I would have to tell if their was an other child involved...IF her H is paying child support like he should, that's HER money. How on earth can everyone let the bast*rd get away with this?thinking! He is not paying child support so she isn't losing anything. The child is not her responsibility. If the OW wants child support, she knows the avenues to take to get it. Thats all so true. You dont really have the option to sit on that kind of info. What you think that by delivering the truth your ACTUALLY the cause of her pain??? You found out. You are obligated to provide her the truth. The best way to to that is up to you! I don't feel obligated in any way to tell her a thing. Its not my problem. Its barely even hers. The girl took the child and moved far away before even delivering it. While I do know that telling will not be the cause of her pain, it will cause her pain. Sorry, but I am not obligated to tell her a thing. He is. For me, if I was put into the position with a GF again, I would definately have to assess her personality type. Today, I wouldn't want to tell, but one never knows what the tomorrows will bring. I choose not to say "never". I truly believe that there is a time to say never. I will never tell her. Our R has changed so much since she found out about his first child with an OW three years ago. I will NEVER tell her. I know what she is like and she blamed the tellers the previous time. I have hearsay. Her best friend has facts. I have rumors. Her best friend and many others right under her nose have the whole truth as they saw things as they were going on. The thing is, every woman that her H cheats on her with BEFRIENDS her for that purpose. The previous OW did. This other one did too. You cannot imagine how humiliated she is going to be when such a minor player such as myself were to tell her something of this magnitude. I am saying nothing to her. So while the advice is appreciated, its not necessary. My decision has been made. And is not likely to change. Back to my original intention: I didn't start this thread to talk about that. I want to know from OW what they would say. How do you tell the (un)suspecting W that you are or were sleeping or emotionally involved with her H?
frannie Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Our R has changed so much since she found out about his first child with an OW three years ago. I will NEVER tell her. I know what she is like and she blamed the tellers the previous time. I have hearsay. Her best friend has facts. Well that does put a whole different complexion on it, doesn't it? Can't say I blame you for not telling her a thing!
mopar crazy Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I would say "Hello, I'm Lizzie and I've been screwing your husband". How does one even begin to start that conversation? See the previous. How many people here have actually told the W? Actually spoken to the W about the A? I did, but it was an accident.. I didn't know he was married and I called his house... We met and she asks a lot of details... LOL Or even if you haven't but fantasized about it, what were the words you wanted to use? I would never ever tell unless he does something stupid to me.... but in my fantasy I would say: Hi, my name is Lizzie, I have been f*cking your husband for over 2 years now and it's been amazing. He is freaken good with his mouth... You should insure his tongue for a million... In case you're wondering... he's been coming to my place during work hours or in the evening, when he was supposed to be with the boys for a beer.. or on Saturday while he was supposed to be at Home Depot or at the garage, checking his car... Honestly Lizzie, I have been on LS for a few years and have been over on the OW/OM side a lot and you have to be the most vile OW here. Most OW are here trying to get out of the mess they are in and/or feeling badly for what they are doing. You are so proud of what you are doing and it's sickening. I think you need to go to gloryb or another site I heard about called Townred. You would be right at home there. I would just love to hear what the BW would do if you ever told her all this. As for telling the W, if you want to let her know I would do it anoymously, through a letter. Let it sink in. Calling her wont let her think about what she needs to say, know what I mean? She could just blow up at you, who knows. I know I confronted my H's xOW two or three times and she denied it. H wasn't ready to tell me yet he was involved w/ her and she knew it. When I was the OW there was NO WAY I was going to tell his live in GF I was involved w/ him.
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Honestly Lizzie, I have been on LS for a few years and have been over on the OW/OM side a lot and you have to be the most vile OW here. Most OW are here trying to get out of the mess they are in and/or feeling badly for what they are doing. You are so proud of what you are doing and it's sickening. I think you need to go to gloryb or another site I heard about called Townred. You would be right at home there. I would just love to hear what the BW would do if you ever told her all this. You need to re-read my post... I said I would never tell.. I don't 'kiss and tell' but it was just a 'fantasy' like the OP mentioned in her post... That's why I said: OK let's play... Geezzz.... Oh... I should add..if you find my posts so sickening....just skip them...simple.
mopar crazy Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 You need to re-read my post... I said I would never tell.. I don't 'kiss and tell' but it was just a 'fantasy' like the OP mentioned in her post... That's why I said: OK let's play... Geezzz.... Oh... I should add..if you find my posts so sickening....just skip them...simple. Ok, now I see the sarcasim in your post. Honestly, it is hard to skip your post;) I just think you would be better off on the sites I mentioned b4. They are more your speed. And there wont be any one jumping on your casefor feeling the way you do. Unless you like that kind of thing.
sadbuttrue Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 i think lizzie adds spice to this site it may be a little too strong for some, but you just have to skip over the extra strong bits
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Ok, now I see the sarcasim in your post. Honestly, it is hard to skip your post;) I just think you would be better off on the sites I mentioned b4. They are more your speed. And there wont be any one jumping on your casefor feeling the way you do. Unless you like that kind of thing. Ok, now I see the sarcasim in your post. Next time.. instead of jumping a notch... just take your time and read carefully... I have no permission to ask and I do not apologize for being who I am.. I have no intention to leave...so either get used to my style or skip my posts... period.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I think that we need several viewpoints here... We have the BS... We have the XOW... The Happy OW in love... The Unhappy OW... The Happy OW in lust... So we're covered...And Lizzie is in the right forum...
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I think that we need several viewpoints here... We have the BS... We have the XOW... The Happy OW in love... The Unhappy OW... The Happy OW in lust... So we're covered...And Lizzie is in the right forum... I am an XOW... been an unhappy OW... and an happy OW but not in love... and an happy OW in lust... so I think I belong here too...
luvmy2ns Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I didn't know this was a forum for "professionals."
mopar crazy Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Ok, now I see the sarcasim in your post. Next time.. instead of jumping a notch... just take your time and read carefully... I have no permission to ask and I do not apologize for being who I am.. I have no intention to leave...so either get used to my style or skip my posts... period. Jeez Lizzie, put your claws back in!
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