redfathom Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I am not really sure what made me start crying. It was very suttle. Tears just started coming. Background: I am 24 he is 30 and we have been married 7 years and together 10. In Feb. we seperated for about a month. My H and I have been having problems. I associate things being good with us being intimate so I need intimacy to feel a connection with him. Lately we have been having sex between 1-2 a month. Both of us have hurt each other earlier this year and I think it has made both of us very self conscious. He has had a hard time getting an erection with me because hs said he seems like he has to focus on it too much and gets nervous (I think about dissapointing me). A while back he was having problems and I told him I had initiated sex with him to see if he could still get an erection he said that because of what I said I ruined him and he would never have sex with me again. But I was not judging him by saying that I was judging his response to ME. If that makes sense. I was testing him to see if I could get him hard. I think because of this he has issues with it now. But he was having issues before, but we were talking about seperation and divorce so that could be it. I am starting to feel like he does not find me attractive anymore. It was like someone recently posted, her H looked at porn so much she started to not feel attractive and then because of this she was no longer attracted to her H. I think it is the same way for me. He has no problem looking at porn, about 3 times a week, yet we are not intimate that often. Even when I want to be intimate I don't initiate because I am afraid of being rejected outright or afraid he will not get an erection and it makes me sad and has killed my self esteem and makes me feel guilty (because of what I said). Because of this over the past few months I have felt more like friends then husband and wife. He has been working a lot of hours so we have not even been able to see each other as much as normal. Which is so sweet of him because we are going on vacation and he is trying to earn some extra money for us. He is, most of the time, very sweet. There is some resentment with household responsiblities, on both sides. We have seen a counslor twice and need to start going again, to both MC and individual. So back to the crying: I am not sure if it was because I did not want to have sex with him or if I was releived that we were. Maybe it was both. It could have been that I was resentful or that I was anticipating it to not go well, or releif that he still find's me attractive. I am really not sure. While we were making love he told me he has missed me (implying sexually) and I had missed him too. He did not notice that I cried, and I am wondering if I should mention it? Probrably not since he is also a little self conscious about it. Any advice? Thanks!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Oh man. You cant be sure he didnt notice. You dont even know why you were crying, so you really shouldnt talk to him about it until you know for certain. The focus here is on the things you two have said to each other. Whatever you said seems to be giving him performance anxiety. Yeah... thats going to push him towards pleasing himself. He no longer feels adequate, and thats a horrible feeling. I would bet that he is extremely attracted to you.... but seriously he wont try if you make him feel like a failure. You both need to get on the same page emotionally 1st and foremost! Forgive each other and understand why you said these nasty things (are they true?). Only then can you guys get back on track sexually.
Micke81 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I wouldn't mention it to him. You don't want to increase his performance anxiety! It sounds like this sexual encounter was very very emotional for you. Sometimes emotions just bubble out as tears. When I get overemotional I cry. Not necessarily sobbing heavily, just a couple running down my cheek. Sometimes it's because I'm happy, sometimes sad, but most of the time it a mixture and I'm just overwhelmed by my emotion. On a side note: I find oral is very effective in getting a man hard...
NoIDidn't Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I am pretty sure that he noticed it. My H tells me that no matter what position we are in, he can always see and sense my facial expressions. I had that happen before and under similar circumstances. It was because I was feeling so disconnected from him. I wanted to do it, but I was feeling afraid that it would not be something that we enjoyed again for some time. Unfortunately, back then, I was right. He did see me crying and stopped immediately and wanted to know what was wrong. I think you should talk to your H. This is usually the point when problems in the R start showing up in the bedroom. Its very fixable, but you both have to be willing to fix it. Good luck.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 But I was not judging him by saying that I was judging his response to ME. If that makes sense. I was testing him to see if I could get him hard. From your Husband's standpoint, how could he tell the difference between these two things? Mr. Lucky
Enema Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Background: I am 24 he is 30 and we have been married 7 years and together 10. In Feb. we seperated for about a month. So you got together when you were 14 and he was 20? I don't have any comment about the crying... all I know is, a lapdance is sooo much better when the stripper is crying.
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