hugznkisses21 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 for the last little while ive been paranoid im going to get cheated on by my long term boyfriend. We have had a relationship pf ups and downs and always communicate about everything. My cheating paranoia comes from catching my mom cheating on my dad as a young child and then telling my dad only to watch my family fall apart and my dad be hospitalized due to an emotional breakdown. I think it will always freak me out, now, later and im sure getting married will be a bit scary for me one day. How do i not pick apart little things about turn them into worry.... For instance my bf was chatting about how most of his friends are unfaithful tot heir gf's....i guess he saw the look in my face and said, well you cant worry about it, you cant control someone its beyond your control and i could cheat and you not even know it so you cant worry about things you just have to trust me....i dont know where it came from it was a just a table conversation.....so now im all scared....and stuff like if he leaves me house a bit early i get so scared.....i need to stop this will push me to leave to save myself from getting hurt. I have been with him about 1.5 years and love him very much
Cobra_X30 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I'm from the same situation. I havnt found a way to get over it, or get through it. What I can say is the response you BF gave you is mildly disconcerting. There is a vast difference between me saying "I wont cheat because I love you" and "You have to trust me cause you cant catch me".... Do you see the difference in attitude there? If his friends cheat that is helping to set his moral compass. I would definitly say... Keep both eyes open! Oh, and if you find a way to get over your paranoia, please share that with me!
lungfish Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Im sorry if this causes you more paranoia, but I once told my gf the same thing, that if i ever cheated on her she wouldn't find out (we were going to different colleges). i ended up cheating on her and she did find out through one of those nearly impossible 6 degrees of separation (my gf's friend had a friend who was on the same ski trip as me when i cheated). cobra makes a valid point about two different ways to tell you not to worry. unfortunatley, your boyfriend probably told you the worse way.
Kamille Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Given your history I am imagining this isn't the first time that cheating comes up as dinner conversation between your boyfriend and you. So in a way, I could see how, after telling someone 'I won't cheat on you because I love you' one could try 'the fact is you just have to trust me'. See, my ex saw his parents mariage fall apart after his dad cheated on his mom and I ended up telling him pretty much the same thing because he had issues with trust. And I never cheated on him, even when the going got rough. My ex made me feel like I constantly needed to prove my love to him. I could never reassure him enough. I'm wondering if the two of you might have similar issues? But like previous posters, I would be a bit weary of the fact that most of his friends cheat on their gf. Is your relationship any different then theirs? What explains their behaviour? How does your bf explain their behaviour? How long has he bene friends with them?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 hey uys thanks for your responses - i dont know what to make of things yet. For the record i do have my moment of insecurity - my bf does too but i dont question his whearabouts, make him call or who he is with im not like that...he has alot of freedom and makes his own desiscions without having to ask i dont think he should. He did not specify as to what friends so i can not comment on their relationship. I dunno what to make of it yet. I trusted him just fine - like i said i had my moments - where i was insecure about me and my looks that make me afraid but never to a jealous extreem of me questioning and him having to prove - but now - i sit here going - like when i go to work tonight is he cheating on me because i just wont find out....
Kamille Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 So up until now, you did trust that he was faithful?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 yes - given that i have had that insecure moment here and there yes.... it was like how he said it - like saying most his friends cheat on their gfs and the way he said it was like matter of fact - like it was normal like not even a bad thing (eventhought he didnt say that) then he just said i could cheat onyou and you would never know....in the same way. And thinking to myself im like so what do i do - that doesnt exacally make someone trust you.... And its like im thinking so years down the road i happento find out - i leave and its like i could have left years ago - so he robbed years of my life - like wtf and the part that bothers me the most is he would say that knowing that we try very hard to be honest and open and not hide anything so in essence if something were to happen he should tell me based on your promise to eachother....i dunno what to think now - its murky i love him - we talk about living together and having a future and its great and wonderful but its like why this - ya know....sheesh! Another reason why is concerns me is we have had some trying times in our realtionship this last while - nothing like cheating or whatever but fighting and bickering and its like do i need to hear that after all this - its just makes it all that more possible because im sure he hasnt been as 100% happy due to our downs lately
Kamille Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Can you tell us a little bit about what the ups and down have been about? See I think my ex knew I would never cheat on him - but his scars showed up over random, seemingly unrelated things. Like he felt he could never be good enough for me. He could never quite believe me when I told him and showed him how much I loved him and would focus way too much on little things I did that would prove I didn't love him. Like me not taking his advice on somethings. Also, up until last night, did you feel like he had your back? Do you trust that he would never willingly do anything that could hurt you? Is your wellbeing a priority to him? Has your boyfriends said: I would never cheat on you because I love you?
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