freakygal78 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 So to put it in a nutshell, my ex and I (we were together about 5 months in total) moved into his old share-house (we were still together at this point) a month after, he told me he only saw me as a friend and so we inevitably broke up. I still don't know what caused the change of heart - maybe the transition to living with someone in his territory (he virtually lived at my place for 4 months previously). Maybe it was the 5kg I had gained, maybe he is a commitment-phobe - who really can tell? Anyway I have a new career now and I am staying on at this house as we have been ok as friends and so for the medium term it had been fine staying here with his other housemate and him. I have made a male friend in the interim and told him shortly after meeting him as I like to be honest and upfront about these things and I consider my ex an open-minded person - after all it was he who insisted I stay on here regardless. So it seems to have been going fine and he knows there is nothing romantic going on with this friend of mine - we just hang out. I am a quite honest and respectful person. Also I thought I would mention he has never visited here just out of consideration for my ex. So the other night I hear him talking with his ex (gf before me) on the phone and my gut just sank. I don't know why I felt that way - I think she had recently broken up with her bf and so now he is her new sounding board/shoulder to cry on. I can't help but feel a little insecure as he broke up with her because she was going nowhere in her life and had such low self-esteem. I just thought to myself well if he is so shallow to have let go of me for some superficial reason like putting on a little extra weight or going through a career change and wants to revisit a bad r'ship from the past well it doesn't make me feel very valuable even as a friend. I feel like if I weren't here, he would perhaps have her visit and maybe even suggest she move in after she left her bf recently. I don't know, I guess what is good for the goose is good for the gander and all that but I'm starting to think the best idea is to move out elsewhere before things get ugly and someone gets hurt. I am not pursuing another r'ship with a guy out of respect and the healing period after a rather close (but short) r'ship. I just think he is reacting out of hurt feelings and I think I'll be the one to get hurt out of this even though he was the one who dumped me in the first place. What should I do here?
Trimmer Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Whether you call them "justified" or not, I think your feelings are quite understandable. You need to heal and get past him, and I think your proximity will only be an obstacle to that. The fact that you are still pondering his motives in entering a new relationship (or revisiting an old one) is a case in point. The relationship is over; his life is his now. I'm not criticizing you for it, but it will be much easier, if you are not physically near him, to avoid dwelling on such things. The irritation will take much longer to heal if you don't remove the irritant, or in this case, remove yourself from it...
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