Hestia Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 We broke up yesterday. It wasnt working anymore, we werent sexually compatible and it was ruining our relationship as friends too. So he told me that we should cut contact for about an year, so i can solve my issues on my own, figure out whats wrong with me and grow up, and then try again later. We ended friendly, and we know we love eachother, but a year is too much time apart. I wont even know if he is living or ill or moving out of the country. I'll have to pretend he doesnt exist. This is so cruel. He might have moved on by then, met another girl and living happily. How would I contact him after so much time? Does that even work in real life? Has anybody gone through this? Does anybody know if it can work? I was hoping to get a message from him today, telling me yesterday was a mistake, that we don't need to cut contact or something else, but I got nothing. I'm not going to call him either, I have nothing to offer him at this moment. And I'm worrying for him too. He is going through a really bad phase in his life, I'm worrying that he can do something stupid for losing me too. Or is this too egocentric? To think that he cant make it without me? I dont want him to be in pain, this was all my fault to begin with. Any confort words or hope would be appreciated.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I wouldn't hold out for any reconciliation a year from now. Chances are very good that he intends fully on moving on and is hoping that a year of NC will give you plenty of time to move on yourself.
Trimmer Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I agree with LB... You don't go NC for a year, intending to get back together. As LB said, this is probably his way of breaking up with you, thinking it will save him the difficulty and pain that would come with being honest with you, because he thinks he can run away and hide and start his new life, and over such a long period of time, you will eventually "move on" without him. It's a wimp way out, and yes, it is cruel to leave you hanging like that. It saves him the pain of being honest, but instead it transfers an undue portion of the emotional load to you - waiting out that year, without knowing what happened, without knowing what you can expect, maybe even feeling guilty if you do decide to move on yourself... I think the best way for you to get on with your life is to take this as a sign that he is moving on without you, and to plan to do the same. NC (for a year!) isn't for people who intend to stay together, it's a way of healing from a separation that you expect to be permanent. You need to work on accepting that he has removed himself from your life. This won't be easy, but in the long run, it will start your healing process sooner than if you wait around in agony, in the dark. How old are you guys? As far as whether he is making a mistake, assuming he is an adult, let him take responsibility for himself. It's a decision he made to remove himself from your life; let him own that, and you own your life and get on with it.
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