mourningMM Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Brief background...bear with me or just skip to the bottom: Ex left for his OW from an emotional (and possibley physical) affair...she is now his wife. I had two children with him; we share custody me-60% him-40%. I'm Catholic (lapsed); he's a Christmas/Easter Episcopalian. I really don't know what she is (besides a floozy! LOL) We were married in the Catholic church ... I still need to have it annulled. Regardless of that, he's remarried in the Episcopalian church. While we were married, he said he'd never particpate in the children's religious upbringing if it wasn't Episcopalian. So I agreed to baptize them in his church. Looking back, I went to services at his church, taught Sunday School (pre-k where the theological differences wouldn't show up), and emersed myself in that community. We sent the kids to an Episcopalian private high school. He stayed home and slept in. He never went to services unless it was a holiday or a special school function. Obviously from the affair/remarriage he really didn't fully understand the meaning of the sacrement of marriage/vow. When I stopped going, he didn't continue bringing the kids to Sunday school. Since then I've been irregularly attending the Catholic church in my area...slowly working through basic loss of faith and guilt and anger at God that resulted from the divorce. OK, fast forward 3 years since his marriage, six since he quit the marriage... I got an email today asking what I think about having the kids go to Confirmation classes at his church. So. jaw dropped on my end as I read...I asked the kids if this came from them ...nope. I asked him what brought it up... He got a postcard in the mail. So he reacted like he would to a sales flyer...maybe this would be a good idea! Freaking me out here Catholic Confirmation is a serious review of committment to the church, it's doctrines, and a public recognition and sacrement that a teenager makes to be an adult participant in the parish...I think for him it may just be an excuse to buy a new suit, show off his new wife in the front pew, and have a party for the kids. LOOK...I know this is a rant, and I know that I agreed to the Episcopalian baptism. But how can I respond with any kind of thoughtfulness when he suggests to his son (who goes to a all-boy high school) that this class would be a good place to meet girls!?! If the kids are serious and thought about the meaning and made the committment that needs to be made, even if it is Episcopal, I think that kind of community might be good for the kids. If they decided to attend church regularly I think it might really help them. But dang it, I don't want them going to church with his OW! OK, I need to get over that...not there yet. Just the thought of her in a pew next to them in a church with him makes my blood boil. I really can't decide which would be worse...losing the opportunity to re-engage the kids in a religious community or have them participate for the wrong reasons with an example from their amoral (my value judgement) father!?! A little perspective from a few others who are dealing with multi-religious failed marriages. I really should have just raised them Catholic! That sin is on my head.
quankanne Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 don't know if you raising your kids in another faith is considered a sin when you went out of your way to teach them about God and his love of mankind. And especially because your intention was so that y'all could worship as a family. that said, maybe the ones you need to be discussing this with is your kids, not their boneheaded father. As the one who "passed on the faith" to your children, you will probably have a better idea than their father of their spirituality, and it could be that they might not want to be confirmed in the Episcopalian church. And that they have a better understanding of the sacrament than just being a way to meet chicks. your ex is a jackass, plain and simple, and your children don't need to be caught up in his delusions of grandeur anymore. Even if he means well, the decision ultimately boils down to each child, who will appreciate not being pressured while making that decision.
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