Peggy Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Advice. I think I am so close to these raw feelings that I cannot see it myself. Something so simple as learning to move on. So here I am at a crossroads. Oldest child going to college. I will miss her but I am ready. She has been independent and seldom home herself this past summer. But my child has been my whole world for so long and her activities and friends and coach very much a part of my life. She had a coach for over 8 years and I became the right arm to the team and a confidante and helper to her coach. I admired him and cherished his efforts and we became friends. But recently that feels as though it has changed with her moving on to college. Many years with an emotional attachment to this younger man that truly is moving on with his life and I just cannot seem to get a grip. really comes down to the fact that my dear husband travels so much and I miss him as a friend. I feel strangely very sad. Even though I have a busy life, loving husband and work on my plate. I am sure I am more emotional than I should be but I could use some good advice and some reason to sort this all out. Is it me? Is it simple or is there many levels to this upheavel I am feeling. Middle aged and emotionally attached... not only to my daughter but also to her coach. Much history and witnessed this younger guy growing up as a young professional ( 22-30 covers a good bit of time) into a professional independent adult and my daughter becoming so much like him, similar interests and chosen profession. Perhaps they will stay connected as peers eventually or mentor student. I feel so old. I guess I thought we would stay friends. There seems to be a distance I cannot reconnect. How do I encourage my husband to be a part of my life. His fiance is really great and good for him but it just is so clear that I was out of bounds and just too attached. Just a year ago we all traveled out of state together and I found I was the third wheel. Lonely in a crowd. We invited the couple over for dinner but they have politely consistently turned us down. We cannot seem to get together socially. So we are drifting apart. I do not want to lose a friend that represents such a nice part of our life. Fun and memories. I have known so well, who has listened to me, needed me. We both loved cherished the same things in many ways. Without his leadership, my daughter would not be in the field of study she is pursuing and I would not have had so many years of such fun and adventure. How do I move on? My daughter is growing up. My husband is never home, my friends all are centered on their own lives, and I miss this drama of life and this young man who was so kind and inspiring and needed me. Wouldn t it be nice to have all remained friends, dance at the wedding, been a part of each others lives? I guess I come from a small family and always assumed my friends would become extended family. I always thought he was a part of my family. But neither my husband or he really want that. My daughter will stay in touch with her coach and mentor. I must move on. I should be professionally distant. But it is breaking my heart on several levels. How does one transition after so much time in one role? Is this really a few problems--- aging and facing empty nest and losing a friendship that maybe never really was a friendship. I guess I miss what used to be......and he is certainly moving on. Will not miss me....for there are many parents of good athletes and a supportive wife will be at his side....who by the way looks like me completely and her mother could be my sister. How weird is that. I should be thankful for the memories. Any other advice?? Should we try one more time to invite them out socially? or should I just forget it. Seems like the past year has been a relationship in reverse....8 years of closeness and now the last months of drifting apart. like we never knew each other at all. Admittedly, I guess it is impossible to be couple friends w folks so much younger but will miss them like he was my nephew or brother.
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