knat Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I thought I posted this a few days ago....here it goes again. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months. What I like about him. He is sweet ( sometimes too) ,we have similar interests, attraction is not an issue and he has pursued me which I like. The past few month have been a bit rocky as well. He pursues me and then says he's not ready for a relationship right now, then I get mad and hurt. I was ignoring this behavior for some time , but now the cycle is just getting on my nerves. He used to swing with his ex-wife. He's very on the fence about this as well. Sometimes they had a great time and other times it lead to their divorce. He's also bi-sexual. I am hetro with one "experiment" under my belt and really feel no attraction to females and I've never considered swinging. I am wondering if it is possible for someone who used to swing to go back to a traditional monogamous relationship? I am a very open minded person, but I really don't think I could handle a relationship where my boyfriend/husband may want to invite other's into our bedroom. I'm right on the brink of calling it a day with this guy, but something still keeps me there. What's a girl to do?
Lizzie60 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I thought I posted this a few days ago....here it goes again. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months. What I like about him. He is sweet ( sometimes too) ,we have similar interests, attraction is not an issue and he has pursued me which I like. The past few month have been a bit rocky as well. He pursues me and then says he's not ready for a relationship right now, then I get mad and hurt. I was ignoring this behavior for some time , but now the cycle is just getting on my nerves. He used to swing with his ex-wife. He's very on the fence about this as well. Sometimes they had a great time and other times it lead to their divorce. He's also bi-sexual. I am hetro with one "experiment" under my belt and really feel no attraction to females and I've never considered swinging. I am wondering if it is possible for someone who used to swing to go back to a traditional monogamous relationship? I am a very open minded person, but I really don't think I could handle a relationship where my boyfriend/husband may want to invite other's into our bedroom. I'm right on the brink of calling it a day with this guy, but something still keeps me there. What's a girl to do? This guy will eventually hurt you... He's definitely not ready for a committed relationship and definitely not the kind you want anyway... I also think that he's way more 'opened' and 'experienced' sexually than you are so that could be a huge problem... He won't change his 'habit' because you don't like his lifestyle.... especially from what I read here. My advice: dump him before he dumps you.
Author knat Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 I wanted to add that sometimes it does feel as though this guy is playing "house" with me. Meaning sometimes I feel as though and he's said this, an ideal for him. Mentally stable, fun, creative, smart, just not kinky as hell. If I continue to see him, are there any conversations I can have with him that will reveal how he may really feel about eventually sharing our bed or do I just trust that he tainted for life with the swing bug?
Lizzie60 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I wanted to add that sometimes it does feel as though this guy is playing "house" with me. Meaning sometimes I feel as though and he's said this, an ideal for him. Mentally stable, fun, creative, smart, just not kinky as hell. If I continue to see him, are there any conversations I can have with him that will reveal how he may really feel about eventually sharing our bed or do I just trust that he tainted for life with the swing bug? This is almost impossible to say... He might never ask you anything about his lifestyle...or he may, down the road, get bored and seeks excitement. It's hard to say. Just be honest with him...and have a 'serious' talk about this... then you got to follow your gut feeling... That "little voice' inside is, most of the time, right.
Herzen Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I see three relationship blockers: approach/avoidance with you; bisexuality; and ex-swinger. Any one standing alone can undermine a young relationship: together they're toxic. I'm most concerned with the bisexuality and ex-swinging. Once you've swung it's difficult, but not impossible, to return to plain old vanilla sex. But his bisexuality, in this age of HIV, would scare me to death. I just don't believe, unlike women, that there are that many bona fide male bisexuals out there. I know just one. I would always be anxious that he would tire of plain vanilla hetero-relationship sex and go out for some anonymous guy sex. Dump him now, instead of later.
mental_traveller Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 You're having serious doubts already, plus you both have totally different sexual interests. I don't want kids or marriage - if I met someone who did, it would be crazy for me to get involved with them. Same with your situation - unless you are interested in having a bisexual swinger husband, why go for this guy? Plenty more fish in the sea.
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