shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 So I'm in a new relationship with a guy I'm in love with, but I'm being eaten away by obsessional thoughts and I can't tell if I'm just being paranoid. The main thing is I'm having a lot of trouble trusting him. I have trouble trusting people in general because I've been screwed over so many times. Let me fill you guys in on our background and you can tell me if I'm being paranoid or have legitimate cause for concern. First the good stuff. He's told me many times he feels lucky to be with me, that he's falling for me, that he's crazy about me, that he's still amazed that somebody so "intelligent" and "beautiful" has so much in common with him and is interested in him. That he can't believe we're together, it feels like some kind of a fantasy. He's constantly talking about how beautiful I am, etc etc. Sorry, I feel like I'm boasting here, but I'm really not....my self esteem is actually pretty low. I just want you guys to have a sense of how he feels. A few days ago he said he's bummed that just when he's gotten a girlfriend he's moving to NY. That's the first time he called me his gf, so it made me happy. We've been seeing each other for almost two months, but there were a few weeks where one or the other of us was away so that slowed things down. We recently went to NY together and had a great time. We left separately because he had to visit some relatives in Connecticut on the way back. The last I saw of him was Sunday morning when he dropped me off at my grandparent's place where I was staying. He was supposed to head straight for Connecticut after dropping me off. I heard from him again that night (I hadn't contacted him). He sent me a long email entitled 'a pleasure' saying that he just wanted to communicated he had had a great time with me in NY and had several moments where he thought to himself 'is this really happening?' Also he said that he kept on thinking about our 'tender kisses' and how great it was waking up next to me in the morning and watching me drift in and out of sleep. He also gave me detailed instructions on how to find my way around the city (I was staying for an extra day). He told me he expected to be back on Tuesday afternoon and 'perhaps we could get together' if I was around. It was generally a very sweet, thoughtful email and I wrote him a sweet response the next day (Monday night). I said that I felt lucky to have him and it was rare I felt such natural chemistry with another person, or so safe and content in another person's arms. So Tuesday rolled around and I didn't hear from him. That night I called him to let him know I was back in town. He told me he was still in Connecticut. This was the first thing that worried me. I could understand him staying an extra day to hang out with his family but why didn't he let me know/give me a call earlier that day and let me know? The main, thing, though is he told me that he had stayed in NY an extra day to sign up for classes. This kind of baffled me..if he was still there while I was wouldn't he have wanted to hang out with me or let me know? Of course I didn't reveal a trace of annoyance over the phone. At the end of the conversation I said, "well give me a call tomorrow/Wednesday when you get in and we can figure something out (to do)." So it's Wednesday evening now, and and I still haven't heard from him. I'm just finding this extremely frustrating because I've been in the position of having to wait around for him before with no definite date about when he'd be back. Some of you guys probably recall the instance where he left for two weeks to shoot a film and I didn't hear from him for a stretch of a few days near the end. So that's one thing bothering me. The other is his ex. He's only had one other girlfriend, this was a year ago in NY. They dated for 6 months. When I asked him why their relationship ended he said it was because he moved back to Boston and she stayed there in NY. But he's moving back to NY now! So I don't get it... He seems to mention her a fair amount too. It's always in passing, though, like 'my ex's friend went to blah blah' or 'my ex had this job that...' He's never said anything complimentary or negative about her, or told me how he feels about her. The one thing he did say is that our relationship seems so 'naturally evolving', while he met his ex on craiglist and 'how awkward is that.' I found his myspace once when I googled his name (he doesn't know I've been there) and she's in his top four friends. (Interestingly, he's not in hers). Also, and I know this is kind of silly, but the way she looks worries me. Physically she's an entirely different type from me. I'm slim, blonde and tall. A bit icy and shy looking. She's short, curvy, dark haired and sensual looking. Her breasts are gigantic. It's just been my experience in the past that most guys favor her physical type. You know the whole earthy, sexual, free-spirited thing. He said once that she was really loud during sex, and I can totally picture it. I'm very reserved, and I can just imagine him longing for her. I've been passed up for girls like this in the past. This is really killing me. Should I ask him how he feels about her or more details on why their relationship ended? I'm especially concerned because he's moving back to NY now. Another thing I should mention is that he confessed to me he tends to put girls on pedestals and pine away. He said he was worried he was doing that with me and would somehow make me 'inaccessible.' He also mentioned that he chose the college he went to partly because he was chasing a girl he fell in love with who went there (a different girl who ended up rejecting him)> THat makes me think he falls in love easily and he tends to idolize women who reject him or are out of reach. Wouldn't this make it plausible that he could be pining away for his ex if she were the one who ended things (I sort of get the vibe that she was)?
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 he just called and wants to see me tonight. i did something really stupid....i think. gah i'm having a guy friend over who's gay and visiting for a few days because he's looking at a school around here. i told my bf just now on the phone that i'm entertaining this friend of mine, which was stupid because i didn't get a chance to explain he was gay. i said that it might be tricky to see him tonight for that reason. he said that's fine, by all means postpone it if you can't tonight. then i said i'd think about it and call him back. i spoke to my friend and he said that he was planning on going out to the city on his own tonight anyway so that would be fine. but then i realized that if i told my bf that i could see him anyway tonight he might think it was weird that i was dropping my plans with my friend just to see him. i didn't know how to explain the situation to him so i just said that i would do something with him earlier in the night and then see him later around ten or so. now i've totally screwed up. gaaaaaaaah.
fray718 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 i hate to break it to you but he defintrley has ALL the signs of not being over his ex. I'd be careful if i were you...don't fall for him too hard.....
Author shadowplay Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 i hate to break it to you but he defintrley has ALL the signs of not being over his ex. I'd be careful if i were you...don't fall for him too hard..... what leads you to believe that?
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