nstphillips Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Hi, I am a 23 y.o male, that is becoming increasingly frustrated with life. The only thing I want to achieve at the moment is to find a girl that I am in love with and who loves me back mutually. Not too much to ask surely???? It is only now that I feel really stressed about this matter, before I seemed to have excuses, like I was too busy for girls, studying, travelling etc. But now I have no answer. My family keep asking when I am going to find a nice girl? My mother always dreamed of me meeting a lovely girl and being proud at my wedding, she died 3 years ago now. People often mistake me as gay as well, not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but when you are trying to find a girl it doesn't help. I am not scared to talk to girls nor to ask them out, but I constantly get knocked back. I met the girl of my dreams 3 years ago, and told her the way I felt, we had been friends for 6 moths prior and she cried when I told her how I felt, but said the usual "you're the nicest guy in the world, blah, blah, blah" "thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me." She came up with loads of reasons that didn't really make sense to me. I know she just wasn't attracted to me, but obviously she didn't want to hurt my feelings. The thing is ever since, this is the kind of response I get all the time, I have a lot of friends that are girls but as soon as I try and take things any further it never works out. It honestly feels like it is never gonna happen, I should have been dating girls since I was 16, 8 years, but have never dated one. I have tried everything! Please help!
jcster Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I really wish you could talk to my ex husband. He was just like you when he was your age. He had a ton of woman friends, and no girlfriend. That did change, eventually - we were married for 10 years, and he's engaged again. I'm sure there are going to be a ton of guys that will give you advice, but since I'm first, let me just say this - don't lose that capacity to make female friends. When you do meet the right woman, you will be so utterly precious to her - you can be a lover and a friend, and that's a rare thing. You're at the age where a lot of girls are wasting their time with "bad boys." Most of these guys are far more insecure than you are, but are such utter jerks that they can play a girl without guilt. After a while, most of the women wise up, and then the nice guys get their time in the sun (and all the goodies). I know it's no consolation now, but by the time you get to your mid 30's you will be rare as gold and twice as valuable. My only advice is be patient, be proud, and be persistent. Good luck, and God bless.
Enema Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Are there any obvious, superficial reasons women wouldn't want to date you?
oppath Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 First, you say all you want to do is find a nice girl to love and be loved by in return. You have plenty of time to find that...if that is your goal, it is going to be projected and any interaction with women won't come off as organic. Second, I've seen that room and walked that floor. I didn't have my first gf until i was 25. Despite being good looking, my value was low in my young 20's, and I was really focused on graduate school, so things just didn't happen. It sucked and I felt like I was inferior to other guys and that if I just had a girlfriend I could feel normal. It didn't do that for me and it won't do it for you. You'd be surprised how many men and women are actually in your situation, maybe 1-in-6 at your age. It's not that uncommon, so don't feel like you are somehow lacking. The only thing you have lacked has been a half-assed relationship or two that wasn't going to go anywhere anyway and in place of that, I'm sure you've focussed on other areas of your life. Finally, you should move things more quickly with these women. Establishing friendships with women is great, as that is a strong basis for a relationship, but it sounds like you've been getting into the friend zone. It is common, in your young 20's, to start dating in group situations, inviting people out with friends of friends instead of solo "dates." It sounds like that is what you have been doing. BUT...within a couple weeks, you need to let these women know that you find them attractive and sexy. They need to see you as a sexual being with a romantic interest. this doesn't need to happen the first 10 minutes you meet someone, but neither should you hang out 10 times before you make a move either. The way you describe yourself, it sounds like you get into the friend zone before expressing interest. You need to make your interest clear while still in the acquaintance stage, before you have feelings. A simple, "you know what I find really attractive about you? the way you..." is a great thing to throw out there early on, because it reveals yourself as a sexual being with an attraction to her. How she responds will tell you where to go next. You have to push the envelope a little, allow the woman to respond and show you if it is ok to push the envelope again. But you have plenty of time. It sounds like you have many great qualities and you will find a girl.
StayClose Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I curious as to why people think you're gay. Is it just because you have no girlfriend? Or is their something else about you that sets off their "gaydar?"
JackOfClubs Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 If you're like this at 24, wait until all your guy friends and relatives are off getting married in the next five years! Sorry. I know how you feel. They say guys don't have a biological clock, but face it, do you really want to be bouncing junior on your knee when you're 40? I wanted to be a husband by 25 and a father by 28. Didn't happen. I'm now with a girl who I think is "the One" (meaning the one I see myself getting married to, not that mystical soulmate women seem to keep looking for) and I'm well into my mid-30's. So much for my schedule. I guess the point is what everybody else is saying, you're not at an age where you need to rush. Sure, there are guys out there who marry their high school sweethearts (or knock them up so they have to), but are these people still together 10 years from now? And it sucks to see happy couples when you want what they have. If you're really wanting to meet a timetable, you'll need a plan. A plan to narrow the field down to the girls you're really interested in, then a plan to date them and get to know them and have them get to know you, and prepare to keep planning since the likelihood of finding the right girl the first, second, third, or more times is really low. Personally, I'd throw out the timetable, work on becoming an interesting, well-rounded, chick-magnet male with lots of female friends. The unfortunate truth is that women seem more interested in guys who aren't desperately in pursuit of them. Become that guy and I think you'll see your fortunes change.
charliepapa Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 The same. I am 33 the longest relationship I had was a month and I do not look like getting anything ever again, that is why I have to laugh when people discuss my chances at getting a woman 0.00000000000%. So at 24 you really have nothing to worry about.
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