When did you hit a slump, and how did you get out of it? Success stories

[katiebour]

They say misery loves company- while I'm not precisely miserable the b/f and I have hit a bit of a slump. It's hard to interest him in sex, money situation is stressful although getting much better, the summer is almost over and we will be returning to school/full time work... I don't know what it is but I feel very irritable lately. I think he's feeling touchy right back- the other day I cleaned the house and did laundry, the only thing I left was the dishes in the sink.

 

I spent six hours cooking and making bread (since we're broke I've been making most of our food from scratch with stuff in the house... the cupboard is getting VERY bare.) I asked him to do the dishes, and he got all whiny. That pissed me off so I said "I'll do it- I don't want to have to listen to you whine." Admittedly that was not the right thing to say, but I wanted to NOT have to do the dishes. Anyway, he did 'em, I apologized for my rude words, and we got back on track.

 

I'm feeling a bit hopeless about the relationship- the lack of sex recently plays a big factor. Also my ex is getting married sometime in the next month- I don't know why it's bothering me but I just feel a bit depressed when I think about it. I keep wondering if this relationship is going to last, then I chide myself for thinking negatively and try to remind myself that I have to put in the effort every day to make it last.

 

Although I've always been gung-ho about marriage I'm starting to wonder if it's for me. I feel kinda like giving up on the idea, kind of a "who cares if I never get married, anyway!" But then I wonder about having kids- I'll be 28 in a few weeks, and I wanted to start having kids before I was 30. I'm in no position financially to have kids and I don't feel right about having a child outside of a marriage committment. My b/f has stated that he doesn't want to get married at least until he's done with school- he's a sophomore and so I know it would be at least two more years.

 

I start doubting myself and wondering if I really do love my b/f; I think that I do but it's hard to feel it all the time. He's only said "I love you" once in the 2+ years we've been together- the fact that he's not comfortable saying it makes me doubt whether or not he feels it.

 

Anyway, like I said, we're in a bit of a slump and I'm feeling tired and depressed. So help me out- tell me about a time when you hit a slump in your relationship, and how it all worked out.

 

P.S. Don't tell me to get counseling because I can't afford it. We're saving up so that we can get him to the dentist and get his teeth fixed. I put him on my insurance as my domestic partner, the lucky bum!

[milvushina]

Why is he a lucky bum? Does he not have a job? Or just not one with insurance?

 

Katie,

FYI I am 28 in two days, I am also a late college student. It is pretty normal to live in poverty as a student even if you do work hard and I know it stresses you, and stresses the relationship. Just try to remember as far as money issues go that it pays off later.

 

It sounds like your workloads at home are uneven and you are not getting enough affection. Is your boyfriend affectionate enough to make you happy? Not saying "I love you" kind of sucks but maybe he shows it in other ways?

 

Anyway, sometimes you have to go through the motions at first in order to get the closeness back. There have been times when we are busy, stressed, bickering or exhausted and I realize that I have not really been intimate with my husband for a few days. One thing that helps us is when we feel like some bad feelings are developing between us, we stop and have a hug. I mean a hug that lasts for several minutes. It is like it really does something to you chemically when you embrace someone for a long time. That, and then taking the time for a long kiss. It helps us to dispel resentment or annoyance. Also it's intimate but doesn't require someone with low sex drive to feel under pressure for sex...

 

If you bond that way, even if it doesn't sound fun at first, it does work and it is also a good time to present your case about needing more help around the house, etc.

Or just to talk period which is always a good thing.

 

I just felt for you and wanted to give a shot at some advice, sorry if it is not very helpful and I'll be interested to see if you get some good replies.