shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 This is sort of a weird topic/question, but I'm wondering if anyone else shares my peculiar problem. From afar my attraction to guys is intense. I feel it strongly when I'm just looking at a guy I like, but it dies down somewhat when I'm close enough to actually touch him. My attraction declines further with the level of physical contact. Like holding hands arouses me more than actual sex. I find this very frustrating. I get this empty kind of feeling after sex or any kind of physical intimacy, and it seems like I can never fufill the longing I experience when I just look at someone from afar. This is going to sound really strange, but I think part of the problem is that when I'm being intimate with a guy I start to get the sensation that he could be any interchangeable guy playing the same role..the person I'm with somehow loses his individuality and I feel less close to him as a result. I get a numb, out-of-body sensation, as though I'm just going through the motions and so is he. I have such a strong, frustrated urge to fully absorb a person I'm attracted to, but the closer I get...the more distant I feel. Do I just have a low libido or does the problem run deeper?
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Hey, don't be offended, but have you really had a close intimate relationship before? I am thinking when you get so infatuated with a person where you are really crazy about everything about them, it might overtake the issues you have now. Just a thought.
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 ^Yeah i have. Several. The thing is all of those relationships except for one were with guys I was barely attracted to but dated because my self esteem was so low and I felt I couldn't do better. The guy I'm seeing now I actually am attracted to and do like most everything about him, but it's the same problem...I feel numb when we're being intimate. Perhaps I'm just not attracted enough to him, and I need to keep looking...? Frankly I wish that was the case but I have a feeling that I could be with the sexiest guy in the world and feel this way. I don't know what's wrong with me. My attraction to guys is so intense from afar, almost too intense, but it fizzles out when they become real enough to touch.
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I'd hate to speculate further Shadowplay. When I want to be with someone I want to crawl inside their skin and smell and taste it all. Maybe you should see a therapist or do some research. I doubt there is anything wrong with you, just maybe something is there you need to resolve. Interesting...
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 Hey, don't be offended, but have you really had a close intimate relationship before? I am thinking when you get so infatuated with a person where you are really crazy about everything about them, it might overtake the issues you have now. Just a thought. Btw, perhaps the experience may be different for men and women. For men I'm assuming the feeling of arousal is very strong when they're physically attracted to a person and being intimate. Hormones take care of that. Perhaps this isn't the case as much with women, or at least some women like me? I'm very curious to hear other perspectives.
Author shadowplay Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 I'd hate to speculate further Shadowplay. When I want to be with someone I want to crawl inside their skin and smell and taste it all. Maybe you should see a therapist or do some research. I doubt there is anything wrong with you, just maybe something is there you need to resolve. Interesting... Well thanks for trying, I appreciate it. I actually just started seeing a therapist recently. Maybe this is something I should mention.
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 You should DEFINITLY mention it! It's nothing to be ashamed of. I think its great you brought it up here. Good luck! And keep us posted if its not too personal. PM me if you want.
Storyrider Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 You did a great job describing exactly what you're feeling. I wonder if reality pales in comparison to your fantasies, or doesn't match up with them. I think this can be a problem if you have a vivid imagination, and the awkwardness of real life seems less interesting than the ethereal quality of fantasy sex. Either way, describe this in the same specific way to your therapist.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 This is sort of a weird topic/question, but I'm wondering if anyone else shares my peculiar problem. From afar my attraction to guys is intense. I feel it strongly when I'm just looking at a guy I like, but it dies down somewhat when I'm close enough to actually touch him. My attraction declines further with the level of physical contact. Like holding hands arouses me more than actual sex. I find this very frustrating. I get this empty kind of feeling after sex or any kind of physical intimacy, and it seems like I can never fufill the longing I experience when I just look at someone from afar. This is going to sound really strange, but I think part of the problem is that when I'm being intimate with a guy I start to get the sensation that he could be any interchangeable guy playing the same role..the person I'm with somehow loses his individuality and I feel less close to him as a result. I get a numb, out-of-body sensation, as though I'm just going through the motions and so is he. I have such a strong, frustrated urge to fully absorb a person I'm attracted to, but the closer I get...the more distant I feel. Do I just have a low libido or does the problem run deeper? WOW! You describe something I used to feel quite often. This is precisely how I felt when I was with my ex. It was always so disappointing...to have everything just die down. Mind you, I was never overly attracted to him in the first place (though he was, according to my gfs, "hot"). I always figured something was wrong with me. I don't feel this way now... I sometimes have my "moments"...but with my current bf, things have gotten substantially better. Do you think it's b/c you lacked chemistry with these guys? I'd love to know how it's going for you shadow.
Trimmer Posted October 11, 2007 Posted October 11, 2007 Shadow - I missed this thread originally, and I'm glad that Ocean-Blue bumped it up... This is really interesting, and you have described it really well. Have you talked with your therapist at all, and do you have anything interesting you are willing to share about it?
Recommended Posts