DateAnalyzer Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 why does a guy have to just talk about her and not himself? Who came up with this dating rule? Why can't it be back and forth?
monkey00 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Well, in most cases the guy is the pursuer so one would assume the general rule of thumb is let the girl do 70% of the talking....afterall people are interested in those who are fascinated by them. The rules arent set in stone. If the girl is the pursuer or has higher interest level/equal interest level then the playing field might probably be prone to shifting sides...which you get 50/50 or better.. Then again...if you meet someone that's boring..well who knows what fraction you'll get
maynard Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 i dont know. its not a bad thing for me. i dont like talking about myself very much. i prefer to give my opinions and takes on things. girls either dig my perspective or they dont i personally hate all of the "get to know you" talk. id rather see if we can laugh about things and agree a bit. spirited and humorous debate can be good too. challenge the girl a bit and bust on her
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I'm actually interested in what she has to say about herself. I"m not all that interesting plus I don't have to volunteer any skeletons in my closet.
maynard Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I'm actually interested in what she has to say about herself. I"m not all that interesting plus I don't have to volunteer any skeletons in my closet.haha agreed
Kamille Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I'm actually interested in what she has to say about herself. I"m not all that interesting plus I don't have to volunteer any skeletons in my closet. Yikes yeah skeletons shouldn't come out on the first date, no matter who does what percentage of the talking. I was shocked the other day when a guy I was out on a date with was telling me about sleeping with "only three girls" (his words). I think I answered 'that's nice'. Let's just say I read in the Economists today that the average number of partners in my country is 13.
jcster Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 It really bugs me when guys won't talk. I feel like they put the burden of conversation on me. I've been out with guys that were obviously encouraging me to talk without saying a word themselves. A few times it was so bad that I stopped talking and waited for them to say something...and they never did. We just sat there in silence. I didn't bother going out with them again. I really like a man that's a good conversationalist -and that means having other topics than just themselves.
underpants Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 why does a guy have to just talk about her and not himself? Who came up with this dating rule? Why can't it be back and forth? I never knew that this was a rule? Where do you get this from? Conversation should be fun and easy. Hopefully delightful and leaving you wanting more. Maybe you could ask more questions. Questions with subject matter not directed at her or you but about oh...current events, topics of interest, or even...ha, favorite television shows. Have a discussion about anything really. If someone clams up then that is a cue to change the subject. The point is to engage in a good light hearted conversation that gives you an inkling that there could be a connection. I don't like to go on dates with the silent stoic types. That is boring. Just as bad is someone who takes over and talks over others. A happy medium of back and forth is best. If you are not getting that either you are engaging with the wrong personality types or you might need to adjust your own communication skills.
Storyrider Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 A good rule for conversation in general is to give signs that you're more interested in listening than talking. If you are just waiting for your turn to talk you come across as self-centered, whether you're male or female. We are all guilty of this from time to time, as it is human nature. But give and take is the best (and sexiest) way to talk to the opposite sex.
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 You know what though? Thats why I do a movie first, then dinner. Then at least I have something to talk/bitch about with her. I can go on and on about movies. Then I can fill time learning about them, their job, why they decided to do what they do etc.
Capricciosa Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I also think it is important to slow down and ask questions, plus allow time for the answer before bulldozing through again. Last date I went on talked incessantly and I either had to elbow in to say anything, or if he asked a question, had a hard time getting in even a quarter of my answer. This was the guy who took a week to call back (if anyone is keeping track). Guess he talked himself out --and told me more than I cared to know, to be frank. If he'd let me do at least half the talking, who knows where the whole thing might have gone?
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Thats a great point Capric. And I think you find that someone special when you never seem to run out of stuff to say. But that is rare.
Krytellan Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 A good date would also ask about you. If she's not asking to hear about you, then she is likely either self-centered or just plain not interested. If she considered seeing more of you, she would ask about you so she knew what kind of person you were.
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 If you want it to be 50/50, make it 50/50. If someone has verbal diarrhea, get assertive and get into the conversation. If someone is silent, find something they can be interested in. If they're painfully shy...good luck...may the force be with you...
johan Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 why does a guy have to just talk about her and not himself? Who came up with this dating rule? Why can't it be back and forth? I've never heard such a rule. Talk about what you want to talk about. If the most fascinating thing you can come up with to talk about is you, then all the better if she loves hearing about it. I personally don't discuss myself much. Some guys can't shut up about themselves. Those guys do ok, too.
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