lonelybird Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Can you explain your definintion of "secure" Because for me, I don't need a man to feel secure. I feel quite secure with myself. I'm not afraid to be alone. I actually love my space. I don't need a man for financial security, because I am financially independant. I am financially, spiritually, emotionally secure too, but I still want the destined man--soul mate for me Two is stronger than one, of course not "what about me" all the time
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Can you explain your definintion of "secure" Because for me, I don't need a man to feel secure. I feel quite secure with myself. I'm not afraid to be alone. I actually love my space. I don't need a man for financial security, because I am financially independant. Good point! Lets move this to a discussion of your wants rather than your needs.... LOL.
Woggle Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Sometimes it just feels better to know that you have somebody in your corner and somebody to go home to. It's not that I can't survive on my own but human beings are not islands unto themselves.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Good point! Lets move this to a discussion of your wants rather than your needs.... LOL. What I "want" today is most likely to change in the tomorrows. For me to nail it down is not realistic. It would be nice to find someone who trusting in those changes and phases. Am I on a mission to find it? Nope. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't oh well. It will not change who I am if I never find it.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 What I "want" today is most likely to change in the tomorrows. For me to nail it down is not realistic. It would be nice to find someone who trusting in those changes and phases. Am I on a mission to find it? Nope. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't oh well. It will not change who I am if I never find it. Im not suggesting that you nail anything in particular down.... LOL I am however suggesting that this may be a much more rich topic for discussion. It's often that you find what you looking for when you not really looking... so long as you dont shut your eyes.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Im not suggesting that you nail anything in particular down.... LOL I am however suggesting that this may be a much more rich topic for discussion. It's often that you find what you looking for when you not really looking... so long as you dont shut your eyes. Well it appears anything goes in my Threads......lol And; I'm fine with that! But I would think that subject matter would be more useful in the dating section.
luvmy2ns Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 It's often that you find what you looking for when you not really looking... so long as you dont shut your eyes. How very, very true! In all my adult life, I never had much time just to be by myself (or alone with my children). There always seemed to be a man involved. I finally had an entire year of just working, taking care of my son, and playing in my off time. Yes, there were men involved, but only when I wanted them, and no one serious. I was very clear that I didn't want a relationship, and everyone was fine with that. I had such a good time! Once I started dating my sweety, I told him the same thing; no relationship. He was in complete agreement, having been burned himself and not getting with anyone for 5 years because of it. Well, that certainly changed - for both of us! He has proven to be everything I never knew I wanted in a man, as well as the stuff I already knew I wanted. Once I quit looking, the right man came along.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Well it appears anything goes in my Threads......lol And; I'm fine with that! But I would think that subject matter would be more useful in the dating section. If it wasnt a free and open format... would it really be your thread? Dating section? Sounds like a dodge to me! Out with it!
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 If it wasnt a free and open format... would it really be your thread? Dating section? Sounds like a dodge to me! Out with it! LMAOOOOOOOOOO......."Dodge" what are you kidding me! I am completey open to receive. If a person wants to initiate another subject ....bring it on! No problem. But seeing you brought the matter to light and you feel so strongly about the subject.....I openly give you the floor! Go ahead Cobra let's see what you've got!:bunny:
smoochygirl Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Can you explain your definintion of "secure" Because for me, I don't need a man to feel secure. I feel quite secure with myself. I'm not afraid to be alone. I actually love my space. I don't need a man for financial security, because I am financially independant. Not for financial reason. I want to be "secure" that he will build a family with me not with someone else.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 LMAOOOOOOOOOO......."Dodge" what are you kidding me! I am completey open to receive. If a person wants to initiate another subject ....bring it on! No problem. But seeing you brought the matter to light and you feel so strongly about the subject.....I openly give you the floor! Go ahead Cobra let's see what you've got!:bunny: LOL... RC, Here's the challege! If your up to it... In list format... excluding needs, a full list of your R wants! Luck to you!
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 LOL... RC, Here's the challege! If your up to it... In list format... excluding needs, a full list of your R wants! Luck to you! For me there is no list. It's quite simple actually. There is no need to list hobbies and interests because hell! We all have those and we don't need to have the same to enjoy a person. So here they are; Someone who I connect with on a physical level, intellectual level, emotional level and spiritual level. So far there has always been one of those levels lacking. Thus, "single". I am open to possibilities and it very well may come to be one day, but I'm not going to live my life thinking my life is over in the meantime. Not my style.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Not for financial reason. I want to be "secure" that he will build a family with me not with someone else. Yes it is all a matter of opinion. For me a piece of paper does not define the man I love or trust or whether he wants to be with me the rest of his life. For some it does, for some it does not. The paper is only a legal binding document. Not the person. I don't judge it either way. I wish your marriage well.
smoochygirl Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Yes it is all a matter of opinion. For me a piece of paper does not define the man I love or trust or whether he wants to be with me the rest of his life. For some it does, for some it does not. The paper is only a legal binding document. Not the person. I don't judge it either way. I wish your marriage well. I respect your opinion. and thank you. I wish you well for your future relationship. One more thing. For me there is a big difference knowing i am carrying his Name, wearing an engagement ring and a wedding Band. I feel great knowing Im not just a girlfriend but a WIFE.:-)
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I respect your opinion. and thank you. I wish you well for your future relationship. One more thing. For me there is a big difference knowing i am carrying his Name, wearing an engagement ring and a wedding Band. I feel great knowing Im not just a girlfriend but a WIFE.:-) I can relate. That's why I would not judge it because I've been there! My experience of my Divorce brought me another perspective. I am not bitter or angry. The experience brought me to a different understanding.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I can relate. That's why I would not judge it because I've been there! My experience of my Divorce brought me another perspective. I am not bitter or angry. The experience brought me to a different understanding. You have to admit that when I guy stays with you... not because he is legally or socially obligated... but because he really and truely wants to... That kind of sounds romantic, eh?
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 You have to admit that when I guy stays with you... not because he is legally or socially obligated... but because he really and truely wants to... That kind of sounds romantic, eh? Absolutely! Today I don't want to be a Wife, I want to be a partner. For me, there is a huge difference. Wife/Husband are separate entities on paper. A partnership is one. I love romance....keep it coming hunny!:love: LMAOOOOOOOOOO
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Absolutely! Today I don't want to be a Wife, I want to be a partner. For me, there is a huge difference. Wife/Husband are separate entities on paper. A partnership is one. I love romance....keep it coming hunny!:love: LMAOOOOOOOOOO For me there is no list. It's quite simple actually. There is no need to list hobbies and interests because hell! We all have those and we don't need to have the same to enjoy a person. So here they are; Someone who I connect with on a physical level, intellectual level, emotional level and spiritual level. So far there has always been one of those levels lacking. Thus, "single". I am open to possibilities and it very well may come to be one day, but I'm not going to live my life thinking my life is over in the meantime. Not my style. LOL... Yeah I combined your posts! Why? I just want you to really consider what your doing before using me as a template for the perfect guy!!!! Even the best pole vaulters can only set the bar so high! Not that I will ever fault you for it!
smoochygirl Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Absolutely! Today I don't want to be a Wife, I want to be a partner. For me, there is a huge difference. Wife/Husband are separate entities on paper. A partnership is one. I love romance....keep it coming hunny!:love: LMAOOOOOOOOOO I agree with you. But marriage is also partnership.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 LOL... Yeah I combined your posts! Why? I just want you to really consider what your doing before using me as a template for the perfect guy!!!! Even the best pole vaulters can only set the bar so high! Not that I will ever fault you for it! Combine all you wish Cobra... I never said anything about "expectation". I also said "should it not come to be I'm okay with it". One thing is for certain "I am not settling for anything LESS than everything!" Meaning connecting on all four levels. Why would I? Everyone is unique based on personal experiences. What may be good for one, may not be good for another. I definately know what is right for me and I will not settle. It's that simple.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I agree with you. But marriage is also partnership. It is supposed to be, whether that becomes the reality is another story. I don't know your story, so let me ask you. If you are in a solid partnership why do you come to an OW forum? No pun intended, just a question.
smoochygirl Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I don't mean to offend anyone but i have to say this: Isn't it when you get married you are combining with that person to be "ONE". This is what I called partnership. Isn't guy truly one to spend the rest of his life with you when he wants you to carry his name and wear a ring to show the people that you are "Taken". Why would get married if one person feel that wife/husband are separated entities on paper. I respect those people who believe marriage is just a piece of paper, they have all their rights not to get married. But for me i got married because for me Marriage is partnership. Im on a TEAM with my husband to build a strong foundation in our R.
smoochygirl Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 It is supposed to be, whether that becomes the reality is another story. I don't know your story, so let me ask you. If you are in a solid partnership why do you come to an OW forum? No pun intended, just a question. Because my mom is an OW of my decease Dad. Until now my mom is still OW of another MM. I am still trying to understand what she will get to this kind of R. I am still trying to know why she is doing this. Hopefully she will listen to me and stop lying to me so i don't need to come here and read OW story :-)
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I don't mean to offend anyone but i have to say this: Isn't it when you get married you are combining with that person to be "ONE". This is what I called partnership. Isn't guy truly one to spend the rest of his life with you when he wants you to carry his name and wear a ring to show the people that you are "Taken". Why would get married if one person feel that wife/husband are separated entities on paper. I respect those people who believe marriage is just a piece of paper, they have all their rights not to get married. But for me i got married because for me Marriage is partnership. Im on a TEAM with my husband to build a strong foundation in our R. Marriage in my opinion is more than a name, ring and a piece of paper. SG, if your ideas of what marriage is feels right for you, then that is where you should be. No one can give you any other thought process. The same goes for us who do not believe in marriage. It is completely possible to have a great partnership without being married. It is also possible to establish a partnership in the marriage. There is no right or wrong.
Author RealityCheck Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 Because my mom is an OW of my decease Dad. Until now my mom is still OW of another MM. I am still trying to understand what she will get to this kind of R. I am still trying to know why she is doing this. Hopefully she will listen to me and stop lying to me so i don't need to come here and read OW story :-) Oh! Understood.
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