nottoobright Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I am laughing my @ss off!!!! I just found out today that the woman my husband, (then boyfriend) screwed me over for by cheating with was cheating on him all along!!!! And not with just one man, many!!! One of her former co-workers/friends that she confided in who is now a co-worker of mine told me and she had proof!! OMG...... He is acting like he is so hurt by this discovery!! What goes around, comes around...... We have an appointment tomorrow to have his @ss checked for HIV/aids or any other nasty she might have given him. Both of us were tested before we began having an intimate relationship so I know I was clean. So help me, if he contracted anything it won't be the disease that gets him!!! I'll get tested again too, just in case, but he has to sweat it out first. He got all mopey and tearey eyed when he found out, took every bit of restraint I had to keep from slapping him in his ugly mug!!!
JustBreathe Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 She sounds like a lowlife skaggy ho. EWWWWWW. That was some nasty trash, huh? I know it's hard to keep from slapping his mug but I think you should just hold your head high, know you are at least a million times the woman that used up p.o.a. is, and act like the real lady you are - as much as humanly possible anyway - despite the incredible mess he has made. He is acting hurt? Well... it must be hard to wake up and look at yourself in the mirror when you've been played. Just another diversion for the ho-bag. Take a number and wait in line. Too bad, so sad. Here is hoping she had her penicillin shots and you both escaped disease-free.
Enema Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Does him acting hurt and teary mean that he cared about her? His reaction would bother me, twer I in your shoes.
Author nottoobright Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 What a night this has been. I'm not sure what has come over me, I have been such a bitch all night just really rubbing his nose in it and enjoying every second of it. Jim used the excuse, when I found out he was cheating, that he had told me there was a "possibility that he and his ex wife would get back together". I laughed at that when I discovered what was going on and asked him if the best way to "get back together" was by seeing me on the side? As it turns out she was trying to "get back together" by having sex with other guys, she played him like a fiddle. I don't even feel bad one little bit that he is "so hurt". My co-worker even knew names of 2 of the guys she was seeing while she was sleeping with him, they were men that she had cheated on Jim with before their divorce too. The look on my husbands face when I was telling him everything my co-worker had told me was priceless. After all his excuses and B.S. stories it kind of felt good to know he was as hurt by her as I was by him. I said some really nasty things tonight like "I hope you washed it before you put your mouth on it" and "I wonder if she was comparing the other guys to you, size, technique, etc", (my husband has an issue with his size). I was really mean, I even left him a note on the bathroom mirror that said "see, you hurt me for nothing." I kind of feel bad for saying such nasty things but they just came out and I couldn't stop. The thing that pisses me off the most is he claimed they used protection except for the time she gave him oral sex, if that were true why would he agree to go get tested? They must not have been using protection which makes him a liar on top of a cheat. To make matters worse, for him, he just found out today that his 16 year old son has been sexually active with his 14 year old girlfriend and she has missed a period. God help him if she is pregnant. I told him today that I am not going to give, loan or even think about helping him out financially so he can pay his lawyer for the legal fiasco his ex-wife created, he made that mess he can clean it up. I was really happy knowing that she used and hurt him too but then again it makes me even more angry knowing how badly he hurt me for such a skank. How awful am I for rubbing his nose in it????
Author nottoobright Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 That is the $64,000.00 question. I wish I knew. I keep telling myself that it is because I love him but then I behave like I did today and I wonder if I really do.
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Yeah, why still with him? When KARMA finally makes things right in my world, I'm dancing a jig and living the life I deserve. (but I doubt justice will be served my way, but I'm still waiting)
whichwayisup Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I am glad you said that. TO want to cause someone pain that you love, to hurt them on purpose, and ENJOY their pain and suffering is just plain wrong. You do not love this man, let alone trust him. You're addicted to the drama he brings into your life.
Author nottoobright Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 The first couple of times I said something nasty to him tonight I have to admit I did enjoy it, maybe cause of how badly he hurt me. After the 3rd or 4th time I did it, the words just came out almost like it was someone else saying them. I have been so good to this man and put up with so much. It was one thing thinking that it was a man and a woman who had been married for 17 years, made a mistake getting a divorce and were thinking about getting back together but neither one of them were doing that. They are both in their 40's, him in his early 40's and her almost 50. They were acting like 20 year olds sleeping around, cheating, lying, sneaking. It was like "geriatric booty calls". She knew about me, he kept me in the dark about him still sleeping with her, he I believe really thought she was being faithful to him until tonight. I am the only one who wasn't fully aware of what was going on. I keep thinking about how many people are involved in my sex life between him screwing around on me and her on him. I have been with a total of 3 men in my 40 years and I was married to the last 2. It isn't fair to have to force your husband to get tested and wait for his results to come back. I say I love him and I do but I sure don't like him very much.....
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 but I sure don't like him very much..... I know this feeling very well. You're lashing out at him because you have a lot of pain, resentment and anger against him. This isn't an abnormal stage to be going through and not all marriages can recover from this stage. Mine didn't and I'm very happy that it didn't. The return wasn't worth the cost or effort. Love isn't enough, on either side.
justice Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Even if he wore condoms, it's a well known fact that it sometimes doesn't stop transmission of disease, it only "helps" to prevent it. It isn't 110% effective. Only abstinance is 110% effective. I'm wishing you the best of luck with this. As far as you rubbing his nose in it, in the beginning thats understandable and normal, if it goes much further than that though, counseling might be a good thing to consider. It's a bad situation to begin with, and it only gets worse if you let it. If you want to stay committed to him and truly want to work things out, you need to do that and let the rest go, or let him go. JMHO
mental_traveller Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I am glad you said that. TO want to cause someone pain that you love, to hurt them on purpose, and ENJOY their pain and suffering is just plain wrong. To want to cause suffering and pain to someone who has royally screwed you over is not wrong - it's called revenge and it can be extremely satisfying. To the original poster - as long as you don't continue doing this, I don't see it as too bad. It's natural to want to get your own back. All you did was call him some names - you didn't go to bed with another man behind your husband's back. So I think he just got a bit of his own medicine in much milder form. The key thing is what are you going to do now?
New_Wife Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Having read this and the thread with his side of the story, the thing that stands out to me the most is the danger to both of your children. What lessons are they learning about acceptable and non-acceptable intimacy? Obviously, safety has not been learned - as evidenced by the pregnancy scare - what else? You can tell your kids all you want about what is right, but they learn from what they see, you know? Is what you're living what you want them to learn? BTW, I just love writing that from my position in a lying crappy marriage! That common sense advise is a ton easier to give than actually put into action. The only comfort I have in that, is that my H and I are in marital counseling. I still want to drop a night stand on his head though. Take Care.
bish Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I am laughing my @ss off!!!! I just found out today that the woman my husband, (then boyfriend) screwed me over for by cheating with was cheating on him all along!!!! And not with just one man, many!!! Uh...then maybe you ought to get tested. One of her former co-workers/friends that she confided in who is now a co-worker of mine told me and she had proof!! OMG...... He is acting like he is so hurt by this discovery!! LOL...ya good. Doesn't feel very good does it. So will you be leaving his worthless butt? What goes around, comes around Too true. I am finding this out about my ex-wife. She isn't living the high life any longer and is now having problems with the guy she was messing around on me with. I told her he was a loser and she will get what is coming to her...and she is. Too sweet. ...... We have an appointment tomorrow to have his @ss checked for HIV/aids or any other nasty she might have given him. I'd say just get yourself tested and file for divorce from this dog. I'll get tested again too, just in case, but he has to sweat it out first. He got all mopey and tearey eyed when he found out, took every bit of restraint I had to keep from slapping him in his ugly mug!!! Why don't you just divorce him? Believe me, I understand trying to work on things, especially if there are kids involved, but in the end...there is no reason to stay with a cheater. Even if he never sticks it to another woman again, he will still be a cheater. Just like an alcoholic...they may never let liquor touch their lips again...but they still desperately would like to take a swig now and then.
Author nottoobright Posted August 29, 2007 Author Posted August 29, 2007 Why don't you just divorce him? Believe me, I understand trying to work on things, especially if there are kids involved, but in the end...there is no reason to stay with a cheater. Even if he never sticks it to another woman again, he will still be a cheater. Just like an alcoholic...they may never let liquor touch their lips again...but they still desperately would like to take a swig now and then. Very well put....I am one of those people who believe once a thief always a thief, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. That was an eye opener, I suppose I will always think of him as a cheater, no matter what.... I just went and got myself tested, now I just have to wait for the results, he finally went today, I went late last week. I told my husband that things will get worse and worse for him and they are, but he brought it on himself. I hope he never has to look at his daughter and agree with a guy who cheated on her, in front of me!!!!
bish Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 Very well put....I am one of those people who believe once a thief always a thief, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. That was an eye opener, I suppose I will always think of him as a cheater, no matter what.... I just went and got myself tested, now I just have to wait for the results, he finally went today, I went late last week. I told my husband that things will get worse and worse for him and they are, but he brought it on himself. I hope he never has to look at his daughter and agree with a guy who cheated on her, in front of me!!!! Thing is, if a man ever cheated on his little girl....he would have nothing to say about it without being a freakin' hypocrite. He'll have to just sit and take it. Afterall...he cheated on someone's daughter and didn't care.
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