Jeanne Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I am a woman in my late 30s... Moderator's Note: This post goes on and gives a great amount of unwarranted, identifying detail. In the interest of the poster's privacy, I will ask her to put up another thread and better guard her privacy. It's these kinds of posts that eventually cause problems for people at work and at home. I'm very sorry for this inconvenience...but it would be much worse if the post was discovered by people known to the poster. My sincere apologies to those who subsequently participated in this thread who may be offended by the editing of this original post.
NoIDidn't Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 A disaster in the making. You are willing to D to keep a man from moving to be with his own child? Sounds like the worst kind of emotional blackmail. And really selfish to attempt to keep a man from his child, if I understood your OP. Do you really think he would give up the chance to be with his son if you tell him that you will D? What happens if you D and he still decides to go back home to Brazil for his son? What then? Have you considered this? You willing to go to Brazil without your kids? The law isn't going to let you take them out of the country, especially if your H objects. Have you thought this far? Or are you only considering your loss instead of his?
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 (who is not the sharpest tool in the box) Nice. So you think your H is dumb as you're making a fool of him. He trusts you and doesn't suspect you cheating on him. No, it won't work ever. You need to divorce your H, be on your own before jumping into a relationship with the OM. It isn't fair to your H, whom you put LAST amongst everything in your life. Seems your H is your $$ stability, he provides you a home, a lifestyle and you get to play with someone else on the side.
corazoncito Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 This sounds like a bad idea. Do you speak Brazilian Portuguese? Have you ever been to Brazil? Moving to a new country is hard enough even when you speak the language (I speak from experience), but all of the other baggage makes this sound like a disaster. Do you know anyone in Brazil? Would you be able to work? If not, would you be dependant on your OM for money? Who will you turn to for support if your BF breaks up with you? How will your husband react to you taking your children to the southern hemisphere? I suspect your sons are at the age where they would resent very much being moved to a foreign country so that their mother could follow her boyfriend. Don't stand between your OM and his son.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Just wondering... do you actually give a damn at all about whether or not you deprive your children's FATHER of his rights to his kids? It certainly doesn't sound like it. You sound incredibly selfish and self-absorbed, thinking only about what YOU want and trying to justify everything that doesn't fit with your fantasy so that, in your mind at least, it WILL fit. And to hell with the feelings of the other people involved. Give your head a shake. Jesus...
Trimmer Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I think about asking him to take me with him and possibly taking my sons... Do you imagine that divorcing your husband, and then just "taking your sons" to live in another country is even possible? Are you confident enough that your husband would surrender his parental rights in the divorce to bank on it? Especially once the fact of your long-term affair is factored into the proceedings, and it will be... You talk about the benefits of living in a second culture for your kids; even if you could do so, are you thinking that these benefits sufficiently outweigh the loss you would create by removing their father from their lives? ... and "possibly" taking your sons? If you are not able to get permission in the divorce judgement, what will you do? Go to Brazil and leave your sons to live with your husband? Take them anyway, contrary to the judgement? Stay here and wave good bye to your Brazilian dream guy? Have you really pushed the "Play" button on this scenario and thought about the consequences a little bit?
norajane Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 An IT tech who works two jobs? What for? Are you sure he isn't still married? How do you know he's divorced? Just because he said so doesn't make it so. And why did he move here? Is it because he was having trouble finding a job to support himself in Brazil? You really think he can support you, your sons, his ex-wife and their child on a Brazilian salary? I would rather not divorce my husband...because of our boys at home. Yet you would try to take his kids to another country? Don't you think the kids might miss their father??? And what makes you think their father would allow you to take them out of the country? Do you know anything about Brazil's economic situation and quality of education? Do you know what the poverty statistics are? Do you know only 75% of the country has a sanitation system? Do you have any idea what kind of job you might be able to get (if any) as a foreigner who doesn't speak the language? Do you know what kind of life would you be signing your kids up for (IF their father allowed you to take them there)? Or are you so far gone on your fantasy that your children's future doesn't matter to you?
Mino Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I think it would be easier and better for the children if the Brazilian Lover brings his child to the US. The other way around you would downgrade your childrens life and education. If he brought his son he would be uprading his oppurtunity for a better education and life. Many families have done that, I did come from a foreign country with my child, Years later I thought of going back,Which we did for 3 months, but it was to late, she had problems with the language and didnt fit in, employment was also a problem for me, so we came back, Now she is in college, with a bright future, I had to sacrifice what my heart wanted, for her future, and I know I did the right thing;) Good luck
GreenEyedLady Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 OP, you are giving out TMI...you should be more careful...
NoIDidn't Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 OP, you are giving out TMI...you should be more careful... EDITTED You are right. Maybe we should get a MOD to poof this one. I am serious. Contacting MODs now.
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