4givrnt4gtr Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 my and my guy have been dating for three months. From the get go we agreed to take it slow, not rush into the whole "relationship" thing...that we would date and see where it all went. However, whenever i say that we arent in a "serious relationship" to my friends they say i need to dump him cuz he's just using me and he's just waiting for the next best thing. I feel we're taking it day by day, getting to know each other and see if we're compatible to then make an inform decision about whether we want to be in a relationship or not. We have a great time together and i think we're doing really well. We're getting closer each day and its possible that we can turn our "dating" into a "serious relationship" later on...just not quite yet. I do have a sort of cut off limit...if we still unsure as to what we want by december, im out...i dont want to be dragged along either. Ive never felt he used me or just treat me as his "go to" girl. He has introduced me to all his friends, we've gone out in weekend trips with them, they all know me as his girl....so im really not feeling him to be the user type. However my friend's comments bother me...what if im being naive??? What do you guys think?
popey Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 well- if I'm understanding right, it sounds like you want committed relationship, but are reluctant to push the issue. If this is correct, then I have to say, that I think that it can be seen as a good sign about his character if he says he will not committ, if he in fact is not ready (as opposed to simply saying he will and cheating). give him credit for that. that being said, 4 monthes is a long time to be wading in the "just seeing eachother" pool. if a committed relationship is what you want, then I think it is a reasonable time for it to happen.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted August 21, 2007 Author Posted August 21, 2007 it actually been more like 2 and a half months, going on three....now im just hoping my stupid mistake of posting here (with other sn) doesnt cost me this wonderful relationship...
jcster Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 However my friend's comments bother me...what if im being naive??? What do you guys think? Is there any other reason that your friends might think this guy is using you?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted August 21, 2007 Author Posted August 21, 2007 Is there any other reason that your friends might think this guy is using you? Nope in fact this particular friend that made those comments was really happy for me bc she sees he's really good to me. However she went to tell her sister in law, whom she thinks has great advice and knows all about dating , about my relationship and how we are taking things slow. She told her that i should dump him bc he was just using me. In a way i dont even know why it bothers me cuz honestly, its just an opinion of someone who doesnt know me or him or our relationship... I guess it bothered me when she made that comment...specially because she was so adamant about it...but im pretty over it now. I know we're doing the right thing by not rushing and im happy with him so people outside of us can think whatever they want
directx Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 You have to do relationships YOUR way. If its working for you, don't worry what your friends say. You should listen to what they say, however. Weigh every opinion, but listen to your own. There is so many times I wish I never listened to my friends its not funny.
JackOfClubs Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Forgive me for interrupting, but what is the definition of a "committed relationship" here? I've also been going out with this girl for about four months now. I've met her parents, siblings, friends, and children. And she's going to meet my family pretty soon as well. I use the label "girlfriend' for her and she's OK with it. We've not discussed marriage but have teased each other with it more than once. And we both have told each other that we're not dating anybody else (I'd like to consider that a verbal agreement to be exclusive). And, yes, we are taking things slow because she just got out of a very bad relationship. So are we committed? Or does this mean something else? And hopefully the answer to my question also helps 4givrnt4gtr. As far as being "used", I sure hope she doesn't think of me the way your friends are thinking of you (4giv...). Because if your guy hasn't been pressuring you for sex (as I haven't been pressuring my girl for sex) but just enjoys your dates together and you two really are getting closer and closer with each date, then from the male viewpoint, there's nobody getting used here.
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