sand_tiger86 Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Hi all, I'm new around here and decided to become a member for some moral support/advice...My name is Kelly, I'm 20 year old guy, who was/is in a relationship with another guy (I'm gay for those of you who didn't catch that...ha). Anyway... The current issue at hand: My boyfriend recently broke up with me about two weeks ago...let me give you a bit of history - We were together for 6 months. He was extremely affectionate, and highly clingy. He would ALWAYS tell me how much he loves me, and that no one has ever made him feel this way and that he honestly wanted to be with me forever. It scared me at times, and sometimes I would get quiet and it would hurt his feelings because I didn't immediately respond back the same way. I had never been in a relationship before him, so I felt a bit of a commitment problem at times, but all and all I wanted the same thing he wanted deep inside...He is 18, by the way. The break up - Like I said, 6 months of us being in love, and him talking to me about our future every day...then one day he decided we needed a break because he "just couldn't be in a relationship right now". It hit me like a ton of bricks, and left me alone and confused. It was quite literally, "I love you so much" one day, and the next "we need a break". He said he still needs me in his life, and still loves me the same way, and still is my best friend. Anyone who's been through this knows that it's just not the same, though. I just thought he was the strong one, and I was the one who was on the fence about us on the inside. It took me by complete surprise...I've been depressed, and after about two weeks of it I finally decided to talk to him to get some answers about what happened (which was tonight, about an hour ago). He told me that he hated hurting me, and that he has a commitment problem, and that he feels so trapped in a relationship. This was all news to me...he NEVER showed it, and showed me the exact opposite when we were together. He did get me a job with him at his work, and I was there about a month before all this happened. I think part of it may be that I invaded the only part of his life he had left to himself. Needless to say, I quit yesterday. He just means so much to me...everything. I couldn't and don't want to imagine spending my life with someone else. I just know, down in my heart, that he IS the one I want to be with, and if we never get back together I'll spend the rest of my life wondering about him and wishing things worked out. I don't really know what to do, I obviously can't make him come back to me...maybe he'll realize he made a mistake one day...but he could also very easily meet someone new and go through the trap all over again. He's told me, teary eyed, in a couple of our more emotional moments recently that he hopes he's not making a mistake with us. I wish he would realize that he is making a mistake...I don't like my life without him...
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I think he is very confused. There's also a chance he's met someone else. In any case, I think the weight of the relationship is too much for him to put up with. He's not ready for that kind of responsibility, not mature enough. At 20 and 18, you're both so young. Being young doesn't mean your feelings are not important...in fact, at that age you rarely think about other worldly facts, and so it's ALL about feelings. But you have your whole life ahead to meet other people. He is not the only person you'll ever feel "love" for. So let him go if he wants to. It will be better for both of you.
amaysngrace Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I am a complete commitment phobe so I totally know what you mean. You kind of sound like one too though, in all honesty. You said when he said he wanted to be with you always you got freaked by it. Why is that? It's a sucky place to be, no doubt. I would just say to leave him be to sort it out. At least for a few days anyway. Remember he let you go too. So the thoughts you have about him being with someone else are pretty much the same thoughts that's churning through his head too. Especially if you don't call.
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