spookie Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I just moved into a 5-bedroom house with 2 other girls and 2 guys and, to everyone's horror, I am falling hard for one of the male roommates. I have a million questions. The most pressing ones: -Does he like me too? For the past 3 days, we have been like peas in a pod. He tags along everywhere I go and when we're home suggests things for the two of us to do togehter. Last night he bought me dinner, drinks, and coffee and we had a great time walking around downtown. Today we cooked dinner at home together, drank beer, listened to music in his room, played frisbee, and started watching a movie in the dark and just as the sexual tension was climbing, right before I thought he was going to kiss me, my phone rang (my friend) and we had to go. -Is it an awful idea to even entertain the notion of being with him? How awful? This can go so badly in so many ways yet the eternal romantic in me is telling me I don't often meet people who make me feel this way and to run with my heart. He is a foreign exhange student and only here for one semester. I know that, practically speaking, I should stay away from the drama, especially since he'll be leaving so soon, and yet... what if we fall in love? A transcontinental romance in this day and age isn't impossible and love always carries risks.
Author spookie Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Another question. Assuming he does like me, how should I let him know I am interested? Though I usually wait for guys to make the first move, here I feel I have more power and I can see why he'd hesitate. I know everyone in the house, this is my city, my university... I know the rules and he is a visitor.
VIP Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Assuming he does like me, how should I let him know I am interested? Though I usually wait for guys to make the first move, here I feel I have more power and I can see why he'd hesitate. You shouldn't let him know you are interested until he does. If he is interested, he will let you know, and nothing will stop him.
dropdeadlegs Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Gee, spookie, as much as I want you to have someone, I would hate to see you heartbroken come Christmastime! Foreign exchange student...is there any chance he could be around longer than a semester? Has he ever considered moving to the US? Okay, I'm assuming you are in the US, but you get my meaning. Yes, there are always risks in love, but you don't have to set yourself up for a fall. Ultimately only you know if you could handle the possibilities this relationship could take. I couldn't do a LTR intercontinental relationship, but maybe you could. I think you should slow down a bit and get to know him better. Let's not forget that you are still sort of on the rebound, at least to an extent. I know it feels good to have the heart aflutter, and as magichands always said, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. I'd like to see that someone be around for more than a few months, though. It could also get sticky living in the same house if something goes awry.
cr8sea Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 ohhhh wow.... Tempting as it might be....bad bad things can happen for many reasons. Important one is that u guys live together...if things get ugly, there's nowhere to go for either one of you, you gotta face each other etc. In the best case scenerio, hopefully ull BOTH be mature enough to see each other every day and be ok with it...yet this will still be awkward...Worst case scenario, itll suck so bad one of u is gonna have to move out.....very risky... then there's the business of him being here for only one semester...if ur falling THAT hard before u even date him, how bad is it gonna get if u do get involve with him? Its very risky to be honest....I personally wouldnt do it again (yes...i did it...)
wwjd Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 ... what if we fall in love? you are driving a motorcycle at, like, 150+ mph. and that is dangerous, spook.
Author spookie Posted August 21, 2007 Author Posted August 21, 2007 Ohhhh boy. I feel reduced to a giggly 12 year old around him, weak at the knees. This is getting ridiculous. Today I made a point to stay away from the house for a couple of hours, even though i knew he was home. When I came back, he wanted to eat dinner with me. We went to the grocery store (flirtation!), cooked a giant salad (flirtation!), then went outside to play badminton. My other roomie and her bf came outside to practice kung fu and that was a good excuse to touch each other. Then we went back inside and watched videos on the computer, alone in the house in the dark. Sitting very close to one another. He played with a bike tire, put it over his head, then mine, then finally over us both so we were squished together, rubbing up against each other for like 3 hours. No kiss though. I was positive it was going to happen and now I am doubting that he even likes me. I've never been this sexually frustrated. Or this turned on. I know what I am getting myself involved in, and how much this is going to hurt, and yet it's too good to quit. I just LIKE him too much. I feel I can LOVE him. Actually, I'm halfway there.
wwjd Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 i don't mean to offend, spookie, but i'm a bit perplexed by your new surge of feelings. just a couple of weeks ago, you were greatly distraught by all of the happenings with your exbf, and with reason. just a few days ago, you posted about smelling his shirts, noticing they still bore his scent, and feeling the memories of the old times--the better times with him--start to reminisce once again. just not too long ago, you were still pledging your love for him, and questioning whether you would ever feel love for another gain. and now, we fast forward some few days, and you are thinking you are already half-way in love with another? someone whom you truly do not even know all that well, nor he in return, and someone whom you are not even sure of about his feelings towards you? again, i don't mean to be offensive or condescending, spookie. i've always read your posts and have followed them through, so i'm not trying to rain on your parade or anything, but i can't help but wonder if you even realize what you're doing. honestly, this seems like nothing more than a rebound to me. the fact that you were so very heartbroken just some days ago, still mourning, per se, the loss of your , i can't imagine you already falling in love with someone, someone who is not much more than a stranger. i honestly doubt it. i'm sure you are crushing on him and i'm sure you are craving sexual release, maybe, but i think you are mistaking those feelings of lust and infatuation, mixed in with a little bit of heartbreak, and are trying to make yourself think that you already really, really like this guy and might even possibly be half way in love with him. it seems odd to me. a bit too fast. and i don't know about you, spook, but i don't think things that are done with such acceleration, especially in matters of the heart, ever turn out very well. i'd suggest you step out of the situation for a bit and look at what you are doing be completely honest to yourself about your feelings, so as to clear any confusion, if there is any.
Author spookie Posted August 21, 2007 Author Posted August 21, 2007 i don't mean to offend, spookie, but i'm a bit perplexed by your new surge of feelings. just a couple of weeks ago, you were greatly distraught by all of the happenings with your exbf, and with reason. just a few days ago, you posted about smelling his shirts, noticing they still bore his scent, and feeling the memories of the old times--the better times with him--start to reminisce once again. just not too long ago, you were still pledging your love for him, and questioning whether you would ever feel love for another gain. and now, we fast forward some few days, and you are thinking you are already half-way in love with another? someone whom you truly do not even know all that well, nor he in return, and someone whom you are not even sure of about his feelings towards you? again, i don't mean to be offensive or condescending, spookie. i've always read your posts and have followed them through, so i'm not trying to rain on your parade or anything, but i can't help but wonder if you even realize what you're doing. honestly, this seems like nothing more than a rebound to me. the fact that you were so very heartbroken just some days ago, still mourning, per se, the loss of your , i can't imagine you already falling in love with someone, someone who is not much more than a stranger. i honestly doubt it. i'm sure you are crushing on him and i'm sure you are craving sexual release, maybe, but i think you are mistaking those feelings of lust and infatuation, mixed in with a little bit of heartbreak, and are trying to make yourself think that you already really, really like this guy and might even possibly be half way in love with him. it seems odd to me. a bit too fast. and i don't know about you, spook, but i don't think things that are done with such acceleration, especially in matters of the heart, ever turn out very well. i'd suggest you step out of the situation for a bit and look at what you are doing be completely honest to yourself about your feelings, so as to clear any confusion, if there is any. You're completely right, but he's so freaking cute, funny, and charming that I can't help but crush (and lust) really hard. The day before I met him I was still crying nightly over my ex and now I can barely remember what he looks like. I guess this is what rebounds feel like. I know I need to step away but the problem, of course, is that he lives here and is contsntly wanting to hang out. Tonight we're supposed to drink German beer and watch the office. I've already started sweating in anticipation.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I sweat with anticipation before drinking German beer too
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 So once again we spent the entire night together, making food, watching movies, biking, making more food, etc. Then on to seperate bedrooms 30 feet apart, to sleep. Tomorrow he is ditching a whole day's worth of international student activities to hang out with me.
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 3 hours squished together in a bike tire and he doesn't kiss you? It sounds like you're going to have to jump him... I agree. Be careful of the rebound spookie. Don't invest too soon.
burning 4 revenge Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 has he baked knockwurst in your crematorium?
Author spookie Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 I'm starting to see the benefits of this roommate arrangement: it comes with a certain built-in accountability people don't normally get with new love interests. We have to REALLY think about what we are doing and why, because if we screw up we can wreck a whole lot more than the relationship. And this allows us to take things SLOWLY, too. There aren't any deadlines for being friend-zoned or discarded because, no matter what, we'll have to go on living together. I love this. Unless I'm totally delusional AND he's a creep, he likes me. I think under any other circumstances, after a week and a half straight of an awesome date, we'd at least have made out, but maybe it's for the better that we don't do anything until we know more, until it's more than just lust. At least, I'm going to tell myself this.
zilverenvlinder Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 If I were you, and this is literally meaning if I was you, I would bang him a few times and keep my eyes open for long term prospects. ;-)
Author spookie Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 If I were you, and this is literally meaning if I was you, I would bang him a few times and keep my eyes open for long term prospects. ;-) I think this is what's gonna have to happen. Update: He has started to annoy the ***** out of me with his ever-presentness. I don't know if it's because he's new here or what but he won't leave me alone. Everywhere I go he wants to tag along. If I am going somewhere he has no reason to be he'll want a ride to somewhere nearby. I haven't had a moment alone in four days. Even though I've started to become annoyed with him, I still think he's attractive and now that I'm no longer so blinded by lust that I think it's love, I think it'll be safe to proceed with the physical. At least I hope so, since I've already proceeded. He's really good in bed and it's pretty exciting to be sneaking around. I'll keep you guys updated on this trainwreck, but for the time being, I'm happy. I realize this is a rebound but it's been wonderful not missing my ex anymore.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 spookie, why are you messing around with a guy you find annoying? Also, why the need to sneak around? If you're honestly into someone, you should be pleased to acknowledge the relationship. Don't do this to him or yourself.
underpants Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 has he baked knockwurst in your crematorium? Now this is a new way of putting it. Spookie, have fun and be safe...especially with your heart. It doesn't have the sound of long term success. However it does sound like a fun fling.
directx Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I suggest you try the panty test. Many male-female roomates use this test to see if the other is interested. Here is what you do. When you come home and he is there, you need to change your clothes and make it clear you are going somewhere. Now, you leave the panties you have just taken off on the ground. Maybe in your room with the door open so he can see them. Take a picture of the panties so you know their exact position. Make it clear you are leaving for a while. WHen you come back, look closely at your panties. If the have changed position or have been disturbed, he is probably into you because he took a whiff (thats why you got the pic to compare - you might want to take another pic). Give it a shot.
annabelle75 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 REBOUND AWAY !!!!!! As long as you don't let yourself become too emotionally invested in it, it can be a very postitive thing. After the end of my marriage I rebounded with a bad boy type that looked like Johnny Depp and was great in bed. It only last d a few months but it helped me transition into my new life and move on. To this day he is still a good friend of mine. Just be careful with your heart and make sure you are prepared for it to eventually end.
Author spookie Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 I promised I'd keep you guys updated, so here goes. We've spent every minute together the past couple of days. I don't know how I feel. I don't know how he feels. But, I like his company and we've developed a bond. I feel free to share my dark sides because he is a foreigner whom, after four months, I will never have to see again. I wasn't going to try to constantly attempt to be un-annoying and attractive (like I had to, with my ex, because he was easily irritated and valued me only by my absence) because there is no point. I decided I wasn't trying to make this work. This mindset has been liberating and as a result I'm no longer annoyed by his presence. All I am looking for is friendship with a little sex on the side. If this turns into more (unlikely) it will have to of its own accord. I'm not going to twist myself into a pretzel to make it happen.
sofakingmad Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 part of me says don't crap where you eat but part of me says you know you'll probably never see this guy again so live it up and have fun.
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I promised I'd keep you guys updated, so here goes. We've spent every minute together the past couple of days. I don't know how I feel. I don't know how he feels. But, I like his company and we've developed a bond. I feel free to share my dark sides because he is a foreigner whom, after four months, I will never have to see again. I wasn't going to try to constantly attempt to be un-annoying and attractive (like I had to, with my ex, because he was easily irritated and valued me only by my absence) because there is no point. I decided I wasn't trying to make this work. This mindset has been liberating and as a result I'm no longer annoyed by his presence. All I am looking for is friendship with a little sex on the side. If this turns into more (unlikely) it will have to of its own accord. I'm not going to twist myself into a pretzel to make it happen. As long as you're both of the same understanding, it's all good now, since you've bypassed the annoyance stage. Are you still keeping your situation a secret? There's no reason to unless you're ashamed of the growing relationship. This is happening pretty quickly and you're going through all these stages. Be careful spookie. You might think you're feeling liberated but you strike me as someone who gets deeply involved pretty quickly, therefore you may find that you want more than an FWB. I could easily be wrong on my read of you but I thought I would throw this out as a consideration.
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