simplegirl Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 About 3 years ago my MM W told me a bunch of different things about my MM. I never told him for several reasons, 1) if it made him mad and he said something to her she would know I was the one that told, 2) some of it I didn't believe at all and thought better left alone, 3) just not my business. Well, now he is planning on moving out and some of it would be important to that situation. She told his family last week that she is planning on leaving him so I think it is just a matter of who does it first at this point. If I tell him these things he could be a little more prepared. Some examples of things she told me is that she would use the kids against him every way she can if he ever left her. She told me that she keeps money stashed away that he doesn't know about so that she can leave when she wants. He is under the impression that they have no money. She doesn't work and he lets her be in complete control of the money. He hands over his paycheck for the kids and the bills. She has a checking account but doesn't have his name on it (long story) so he doesn't have any access to money unless she gives it to him. He doesn't mind this as long as the kids are taken care of and the bills are paid. Should I tell him some of this stuff or just let him figure it out? I know at this point if he confronts her she wouldn't think it was me because she's shared this with others. I want to tell him all of it because I don't want him to be blindsided or to get himself into something that is a complete set up on her part. Any thoughts?
GreenEyedLady Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Why WOULDN'T you tell him? Who's your loyalty to? And do you love him? (I am actually floored that you would think about NOT telling him)...
Author simplegirl Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 I do love him and he has all my loyalty. My plan was to tell him before but I didn't because of the reasons I said before. Now I really want to tell him. I just wanted some thoughts before I did.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I do love him and he has all my loyalty. My plan was to tell him before but I didn't because of the reasons I said before. Now I really want to tell him. I just wanted some thoughts before I did. Girl, go tell him now...What if the shoe was on the other foot and he had information that you needed to know?
PoshPrincess Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Yep, if you love him, definitely tell. So what if the W knows it was you who told? It sounds like they have a very deceitful M anyway and if she didn't want it to get back to him then I assume you would be the last person she would tell. I know that if I were in your position I would say something, without a doubt. Good luck, SG!
KATANYA Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I would tell him absolutely! Not as the OW but as his friend.
Author simplegirl Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 She has no idea about me and him, especially now. She made comments to him about me but she does that about every woman that is ever within 50 feet of them. I haven't had a chance to really talk to him since I decided to tell him so I'll have to report back when I do. I am leaving to go out of town early Thurs so if I can't do it tomorrow it will be awhile.
Cliche Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I can understand why you wouldn't tell before and I'm impressed at your maturity, not to mention your ability to keep a 3-year secret , but if the marriage seems sure to end at this point, this information is extremely important during divorce proceedings. Totally tell him.
smoochygirl Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 About 3 years ago my MM W told me a bunch of different things about my MM. I never told him for several reasons, 1) if it made him mad and he said something to her she would know I was the one that told, 2) some of it I didn't believe at all and thought better left alone, 3) just not my business. Well, now he is planning on moving out and some of it would be important to that situation. She told his family last week that she is planning on leaving him so I think it is just a matter of who does it first at this point. If I tell him these things he could be a little more prepared. Some examples of things she told me is that she would use the kids against him every way she can if he ever left her. She told me that she keeps money stashed away that he doesn't know about so that she can leave when she wants. He is under the impression that they have no money. She doesn't work and he lets her be in complete control of the money. He hands over his paycheck for the kids and the bills. She has a checking account but doesn't have his name on it (long story) so he doesn't have any access to money unless she gives it to him. He doesn't mind this as long as the kids are taken care of and the bills are paid. Should I tell him some of this stuff or just let him figure it out? I know at this point if he confronts her she wouldn't think it was me because she's shared this with others. I want to tell him all of it because I don't want him to be blindsided or to get himself into something that is a complete set up on her part. Any thoughts? Tell him everything because he needs to know, You might want to tell his W too that you are having an affair with her H. After the D is final and you two are finally together she will find out who told him everything. I don't know why people have no moral anymore. Sad. No intention pun just voicing my opinion. One more thing after you telling him he will feel BETRAYED. What comes around goes around:sick:
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