Dawg88 Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I've listened to many of you who want your ex back talk about no contact, and have doubts about it. The biggest questions, and this is what I struggled with, is what happens if you do no contact and yur ex never calls? How can you ever get them to regain interest in you if you are out of sight/out of mind? Well, I just finished my 3rd e-book today. The first was good, the 2nd was horrible, but I think this one was the best. It's called exback.com. The reason I like it is because while it calls for no contact, it gives you a specific plan, and it concludes with a proactive approach, which is contacting your ex (if this is what you want to do) after going through all of the steps. Let's face it, many of us ant our ex's back. We may not admit it, and we follow the lead of others and say let's go no contact to heal ourselves, which is a valid point, but I wouldn't be on this forum I don't think if I wasn't searching for reassurances that there may be hope. My point is that if you sit back and do no contact, yes, you will feel better about yourself, but there is a good possibility you will never hear from your ex again. But, if you cause a meeting to happen where they can rediscover why they fell in love with you in the first place, maybe there is more of a chance of getting back together. I am going to try it. What do I have to lose. I know that after a few months of contact, if she says no then at least I would have given it my best shot and I will feel more at ease moving on. But, I think if I do no contact, and the call never comes, I'll always be wondering if it will come, even if I move on to another relationship.
CrazyPanda Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 No Contact isn't ment to get your ex back. That isn't the main purpose. I would say that we go no contact in order for us to calm our emotions and attempt to live without the other person. This allows time for you to reconsider what the hell was going on in your relationship too. Also if there was a real reason why two people seperate and realize that it is no good to come back as either the problem will just continue or trust/emotions has changed between one another. If there was a chance to come back to our ex by winning their heart again by all means go for it, but I won't guarantee success. It's hard to make someone love you again after a bad break up. It only happens in the movies. there are many variables you need to consider when thinking about getting your ex back. Some would be, mutral break up? what were the reasons why you broke up? What are her feelings for you now? plenty others. You cannot just assume you have nothing to lose. Attempting to win your ex'es love and hope to get her back only to get rejected again will hurt you even more than the beginning. You might just be setting yourself up for another hurt which isn't something you want, do you? I'm not sure how long ago you're break up is but if it was recent you can try to figure things out and patch it up, communiate with her. It really all matters on how you two broke up. Also if it was recent you are feeling a lot of emotion, confusing, abandoment and a whole lot of other stuff. It's all part of the break up process, we all went through it and we felt like it was the end of the world and we cannot go on without that special person. You will not feel it right now but you will be able to move on, just need to take it day by day.
brokenhearted4243 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 dawg what are some of the steps that you felt were good in the e book?
alexa137 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 what are the names of the ebooks? i just downloaded one from savemybreakup.com-it was only 8 pages and $10! i dont want to waste anymore money!
Author Dawg88 Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 It's www.exback.com - it costs $24 It gives you a 30-45 day plan, depending on your situation, and culminates with you contacting your ex after a period of no contact. It is based on attraction, so if you follow the plan, you will at least begin to rebuild yourself, and if your ex agrees to a meeting, then you have a chance - a better chance if you just do no contact and they never call. Mainly, the author is saying that you cannot leave getting your ex back to fate - you have to cause it to happen. You know that saying -- set them free, and if it's meant to be then they will come back. Well, that's leaving things to fate. He wants to you to work on yourself - and he tells you how - then win them back with the same attraction that got their attention in the first place. The way I look at it is I now have a plan that I can concentrate on and take my mind off of things. If, at the end of the plan, she says no, well then, she says no, but at least I will feel much better about myself because I would have taken the necessary steps to improve my state of mind, and then I can walk away. To be honest, as I have been doing these things, I've been questioning whether or not I really even want to be with her again.
heartoutside Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Well I caved and bought the book. It's actually not that bad, but the thing that gets me is how do you know if you are being considered a safety blanket (or being put on the back burner) by your ex when you call her up for that "first date/meeting" cup of coffee? I mean right now, my ex is giving me some signs that she wants something to happen, she has contacted me twice this past week (this is after NC) via text. I'm waiting to see if she does it again. If not then I'll contiune NC for another month and maybe give this plan a try.
alexa137 Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 ive been trying to buy the book last night with paypal but couldnt! did anyone try recently to purchase it? did you have problems?
niceguy27 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 hey whatever with you guys and that book? did you stick with it and has it worked?
CaliGuy Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I've listened to many of you who want your ex back talk about no contact, and have doubts about it. The biggest questions, and this is what I struggled with, is what happens if you do no contact and yur ex never calls? How can you ever get them to regain interest in you if you are out of sight/out of mind? Sigh. No contact was never intended to "get your ex back." It's ONLY intent was to help you move on with your life in as short a time as possible. Well, I just finished my 3rd e-book today. The first was good, the 2nd was horrible, but I think this one was the best. It's called exback.com. The reason I like it is because while it calls for no contact, it gives you a specific plan, and it concludes with a proactive approach, which is contacting your ex (if this is what you want to do) after going through all of the steps. These books are all junk. The authors prey on the suffering of broken hearts promising something that is impossible to deliver. The books you should be reading are ones that focus on building your confidence and self-respect back. That's why I recommend "No More Mr. Nice Guy" so often for men who are dealing with a breakup. Understand this: NOTHING YOU DO WILL BRING AN EX BACK IF THEY DO NOT WANT YOU. And you will know if they do because THEY will be the driving force behind contact, NOT YOU. Plain and simple, if they have moved on (and odds are, they have) then it doesn't matter if you go NC or if you walk a mile over broken glass. You simply can not make someone love you. They either do it on their own or they do not. The sooner one comes to that reality the sooner they can start the healing process. We often pin our hopes on getting our ex back because we think we'll never find someone we love just as much. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the longer you pine over winning your ex back the longer it will take you to meet the RIGHT person. Let's face it, many of us ant our ex's back. We may not admit it, and we follow the lead of others and say let's go no contact to heal ourselves, which is a valid point, but I wouldn't be on this forum I don't think if I wasn't searching for reassurances that there may be hope. At one point I wanted my ex back. I freely admit that. But now that I've had enough time away and healed I can see why she was wrong for me on so many fronts and I am thankful to God that we never got married. "Tis better to be single and lonely than married and miserable." My point is that if you sit back and do no contact, yes, you will feel better about yourself, but there is a good possibility you will never hear from your ex again. But, if you cause a meeting to happen where they can rediscover why they fell in love with you in the first place, maybe there is more of a chance of getting back together. If you (the dumpee) are the driving force behind a reconciliation then I would place the odds of a reconciliation about 0.001%. Again, you can not force someone to have feelings for you. And constantly remaining in their lives after they have moved on only causes you to suffer much longer than you should. I am going to try it. What do I have to lose. Much more than you have to gain. While you are wasting your time trying to win back someone who, odds are, will never change their feelings, the RIGHT one for you will have come and gone. I know that after a few months of contact, if she says no then at least I would have given it my best shot and I will feel more at ease moving on. But, I think if I do no contact, and the call never comes, I'll always be wondering if it will come, even if I move on to another relationship. If that is what you need to do to move on then by all means do it. But speaking from personal experience and the thousands of cases here on Loveshack, I can tell you that the odds of success are slim. As I often say "Would you invest in a stock that had a 5% chance of returning any money?" If not, why then would you invest your emotions in someone who had less than a 5% chance of returning your love? Not a worthy investment in my opinion.
Nanachu Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 I have been dating with my ex for almost 6 months at this point (the first time ended for 3 months). Please see my past posts if you are interested in how we broke up and how we came back. I did NC for a while. I can say that it helped me to really think about who I am and what I want in addition to what I did wrong and what he did wrong. Without the NC period, I do not think that we could come back and last so far. We hear that even though the second chance happens, it ends in even a short period than the first time. My first time was quite short, so it is difficult to be shorter than that , but we are still doing very well and we have been sharing our willingness to work on our issues to last for a long long time. NC can heal you from the damage came from the break-up. Additionally, time and space can grow love, too. Again, without the NC period, I don't think we could come to this healthy relationship. But, at the same time, NC does not gurantee the relationship to come back. For some cases, regardless of what we do, it will not work out. But, for the two who had issues even at the level that one party had to end it, NC can be necessary for coming back together and lasting long in a healthy manner for the second time. There was a break-up, thus, there were issues, big enough. Both party need to understand them and regain the appreciation of each other. In order to do so, time and space can be necessary.
brokenhearted4243 Posted October 15, 2007 Posted October 15, 2007 would anyone be instrested in trading ebooks?
Krying Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Yeah I'd like to trade some as well. Dawg88 I'm interested in the one you have. I have quite a few I've purchased recently, but none of them seem to have a plan outside of improve yourself, date others and move on. Sound advice to some degree, but some of us want to actually get our ex's back.
sedgwick Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Those books make me so angry! They're just making money off people's misfortune and sadness. I mean, it's all just common sense -- take a break from communicating, then ask for another chance later if that's what you want. Work on yourself in the meantime. It's all the stuff people say here over and over!
Krying Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Those books make me so angry! They're just making money off people's misfortune and sadness. I mean, it's all just common sense -- take a break from communicating, then ask for another chance later if that's what you want. Work on yourself in the meantime. It's all the stuff people say here over and over! It's even worse when they claim a 100% money back guarantee. Since I was not refunded for 2 books I purchased, I have no qualms in letting anyone else read these ebooks if they want. Just PM me. Would like to get this exback.com one if anyone has it.
Pentula77 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Yes if a person breaks up with you...it's not ur job to "get them back" or "convince" them to come back. Quite often though they'll check back in to see how you're going which usually gives the person false hope.
Not_Kosher Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 I don't think you are in the right frame of mind to even begin "getting your ex back" you have to reign yourself in first. I'm getting some strong shades of desperation from you, which is only going to cause those tactics to backfire. I think you should put more effort in figuring out what you need, want, and what went wrong and make peace with that before you implement steps, plans, and approaches.
CaliGuy Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Those books make me so angry! They're just making money off people's misfortune and sadness. I mean, it's all just common sense -- take a break from communicating, then ask for another chance later if that's what you want. Work on yourself in the meantime. It's all the stuff people say here over and over! Yep and I have said it before. Books like "How to win your lover back", etc prey on the emotional pain of those who have been dumped. They're no different than snake oil salesmen. The fact is there is no sure fire way of winning an ex back. The absolute BEST thing anyone can do is win THEMSELVES back by letting their ex go. Put the focus 100% on yourself. Rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem, improving where you can, working out, investing in new hobbies and looking forward to your future. Being focused on your past is what holds people back from a bright future.
too old for this Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 Right the fxxk on Caliguy. I haven't had contact with my ex for about 5 weeks. This is after she ended a 6 year relationship. I didn't get much of a reason other than everything about me is wrong. The only contact I've had with her is to give her a very generous 2 1/2 month notice that she would no longer be insured by my company. (we're domestic partners) Well guess what, I did hear back from her. Yeah, she wanted me to extend the insurance for another month so that she could get a crown covered for her tooth. Then she had the nerve to tell me she was in Mexico and that's why she hadn't paid me the money she owed me this month for the insurance (she paid 1/2 and I paid 1/2 ). Yeah let me think about this, you don't even pay me for the insurance and then you want me to extend it for you. Believe me wanting your ex back is only asking for trouble. Yes and especially if you were the one who was dumped. This is a period of time when you are very vulnerable and to let someone (the ex) take advantage of that vulnerability will only make it worse. Trust me I know because this is the second time for me. I got her back a year ago and here we are again. She never really committed and was emotionally unavailable the whole year. I just didn't want to see it. Anyway I told her that I couldn't extend the insurance and her questions of assuming that I didn't want any contact from her went unanswered. I refuse to be led down that path again. I am standing in my power. The power of no and the power of silence. Silence can be deafening at times.
alexa137 Posted October 16, 2007 Posted October 16, 2007 would anyone be instrested in trading ebooks? I have the ebook how to get your ex back i can copy it and mail it to you if you want its like 80 pages though or maybe more- for like $5.00 or so (paypal)
brokenhearted4243 Posted October 17, 2007 Posted October 17, 2007 Yeah I'd like to trade some as well. Dawg88 I'm interested in the one you have. I have quite a few I've purchased recently, but none of them seem to have a plan outside of improve yourself, date others and move on. Sound advice to some degree, but some of us want to actually get our ex's back. I'd like to trade you.. email me [email protected]
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