nottoobright Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Wow, where to start. Husband and I just had a big blow out, I just spoke to the "other woman/ex-wife", on the phone. I am tired of the excuses, god there are so many excuses. He read my earlier post (living with an affair) and found some inconsistencies such as "he told me that he was going over to her house in person, not on the phone" and the fact that I told him "if you sleep with her I don't want to know", I told him that because i knew it would devestate me if i knew. He doesn't understand the fact that at that point he should have said "no, you need to know, I AM sleeping with her". I feel like I HAVE to know what was going on, he can't remember and he compares how many times he slept with her to what I had for dinner on August 11, 1998. If I can't remember that how should he remember how many times he slept with her when we began our relationship. This is the biggest floozie in Georgia, anything or anyone that tells her she is pretty is good enough to sleep with. I swear she looks like Olive Oyl (popeyes girlfriend) so the caliber of men she sleeps with are not really nice or decent. He doesn't believe he risked my life by having unprotected sex with her and he is a paramedic, what is the first thing a paramedic does when they see body fluids?? His biggest excuse is that he was "F*cked up and made a mistake", last night he told me his excuse is that "he is a guy" thats what made him do it, then what made him go to dating websites and see who was available, right in front of me, what is the excuse for pointing out every wonam he finds "sexually attractive"? I am so tired of being sick and tired, I deserve someone that treats me well and wants to be good to me not someone who checks his watch every 2 minutes when he knows she is coming to pick up the kids. or who tells me that he never wanted the divorce from her, that is essentially telling me that he wished he was still with her. I asked him for sex 2 times one week and he called me a pervert yet to try to save his marraige he had a 3 way with his wife (her not me) and best friend. I don't know why I can't leave him. I told him that I will be leaving on Friday, moving out but I know I am not going to. I have nowhere to go. I have no friends, no family. I know if I stay here I'm going to end up committing suicide or worse I'm going to have a stroke and live like that for the rest of my life. I don't even understand why I still love him. I was ripping him a new *sshole because he called what he did with her "sexual type activity", he can't even call it what it is. I looked at him and he looked so pathetic and i felt all mushy inside like I am sorry HE is hurt. I asked him to make a post with his side of the story because he says that any advice I've been given was about a story from my "Perception", what is there to percieve, he agrees that is what happened but he doesn't agree that he told me over the phone not in person. Like what difference does it make if you tell someone you cheated in person or over the phone. I should have known, god I should have known. The night I found out when I asked him if he slept with her his response was "as a matter of fact, I did." Like it is his "right" to use people like that. I am so disgusted with him, with her, with myself. Sorry, just venting......
directx Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 A rule of thumb I go by is if someone gives you more than ONE excuse for a single infraction, they are usually lying.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 All I can say is that you have waaaayyy more patience than I do... I wouldn't put up with any of that crap... I will never get sick over a man... life is too short... When I read things like that...gosh... that makes me appreciate my lifestyle even more! Only YOU can do something about YOUR situation... move on... never mind him!
Author nottoobright Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 I've always heard the same thing, more than one excuse and your trying to cover something up. I was talking to the ex-wife a little while ago and she confirmed what i thought all along that they weren't just "sexually active" 1 time, it was going on a lot. She is so happy to hear that i am leaving him. She plans to get him back. So after all of this time, he is going to end up with him, I am out $60,000.00 and I get to be alone. Doesn't make sense. He thinks that i should have left all of this in the past so we can have a happy marraige but how do I leave it in the past when i have to sleep in the bed he cheated on me in, shower in the shower he cheated on me in, hear about how he DOES still love her, see her every week when she picks up the kids, hear her voice on my answering machine. There is no putting it in the past. How many people have to see the OW or OM twice every week? Just seeing her sends me in a tailspin, I want to rip his face off everytime I see her, for sleeping with her and choosing to hurt me so bad for that ugly hag. She is 10 years older than he is and I am not joking when i say she looks like Olive Oyl, and she thinks she is a hippie so picture that!!!
whichwayisup Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I am out $60,000.00 Why are you out that much money and WHY are you allowing him to take that from you if it was yours?
Author nottoobright Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Why are you out that much money and WHY are you allowing him to take that from you if it was yours? Well, he always needed this, that and the other thing. I felt sorry for him, watching him struggle. Dental bills for his kids, homeowners insurance, land tax, random things for his home, external hard drives so he could keep the naked photos of his ex, clothing for his kids, 2 new computers for his house, catching him up on his bills (more than once), gifts for him and his kids, He wanted us to have a van cause his car wasn't big enough. It adds up fast and there never seemed to be enough of his paycheck to cover his bills much less the things he wanted. I ripped him another new one tonight because I'm sick of his excuses. He is tired and I think I pretty much put him through hell tonight cause I told him not only all about himself but about the sl*t he screwed me over for. He can't argue when he knows I'm right so he pretty much just sat there like a gigantic lump just listening to everything I had to say. When I questioned him about the dating websites he denied "looking for someone else" saying why would he look for someone else when he already had "the best thing that ever happened to him", meaning me. He claims he was just looking to see if he "knew" any of the women on the site. He claimed that he was trying to do the best thing for his kids so I asked him if the "best thing" for his kids was to bring this woman who deserted him and his kids for over a year over another man back into their lives so she could desert them again and if he was doing what was best for his kids why was he trying to "rebuild a relationship with his ex-wife" while carrying on a relationship with another woman? He really didn't have much to say. He usually argues with me saying things like it shouldn't matter anyway they were married for 17 yrs and had sex throughout their marraige so what difference would it make if they had sex after their divorce. I didn't end their marraige, hell I didn't even know him when they got divorced. I thought he and I were carrying on a monogomus (sp) relationship, he says he never lied to me but isn't sleeping with someone else a lie by default? He got over her cheating on him so many times, quickly but hell he let his best friend have her for a night, cheating obviously doesn't bother him. I asked him about his best friends wife, how he could face her and he said he had no problem facing her because she was a bitch anyway. Nice guy, huh? His kids, OMG. They are just like him and her. I bought my son a new a new pair of blue and orange size 10 "new balance" sneakers and they somehow disappeared, we couldn't find them anywhere. Tonight the son comes home from his mothers house with a size 10 new balance, blue and orange sneakers claiming his mother bought him and his sister a new pair of shoes at a thrift store, then when I told my huisband to call her he changed his story to he walked down and bought them, when my husband asked him if his mother gave him the $20.00 to buy them he changed his story to he purchased them at a thrift shop for $1.00, 2 weeks ago but "forgot them at his mothers house". The funny thing is HE wears a size 11 and a week ago was asking me to buy him some new shoes but he never mentioned the pretty new ones he just bought at the trift store. This same kid stole a pair of shoes from gym class not to long ago. He is just like his father, sticking to his obvious lie of a story. When I told him that he taught his kids to lie and cheat and use people by his behavior his only response was to tear up saying he wished he had bought his son new shoes before he delt like he had to steal from someone else. My poor kids can't have anything, nothing is off limits, if his kids want something they just take it. His son took my liquid foundation to use as a pimple cream and even stole a tube of flavored body oil out of my dresser drawer.... Gross!!!! My husband never even says anything to him about his stealing "problem".. Anyhow, my oldest son who is 18 just moved into an apartment off campus at the college he is attending so it is just me and my younger son who is 17. I really think I am going to take a stab at living on my own for a while. Someone gave me a great piece of advice not to long ago, "I can do bad by myself" and maybe I won't do so bad after all. I am planning on leaving this house on Friday, even if we have to go to a motel room until I can find us a place. I'd leave sooner but I think it is better to have a plan rather than just walk out.
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