Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 Also, if he wants to get together again, make sure it's not another booty call. You are not an object to bring out when the "need" strikes. yep you are so completely right, I need some respect
Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 doh! I just re-read my sent message to him last sunday and since he was kind of sexual flirting with me, I did it back, but at the end I said I had fun dancing with him, and hanging out with him, so it was a lil bit of both. well I guess whatever I say to him next is what matters the most anyway right?
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Let's see if he gets back to you sometime in the near future. It's no use beating yourself up about something that's already over and done with. If he does, your focus is to change his perception of you and btw, he will resist this and try to reroute back to something easier for him. But...you have to stand firm. No risk, no return. If he runs away, this is his loss.
Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 Let's see if he gets back to you sometime in the near future. It's no use beating yourself up about something that's already over and done with. If he does, your focus is to change his perception of you and btw, he will resist this and try to reroute back to something easier for him. But...you have to stand firm. No risk, no return. If he runs away, this is his loss. very smart idea I'll let you know what happens, in the mean time I'll be keeping myself preoccupied with other things.
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 very smart idea I'll let you know what happens, in the mean time I'll be keeping myself preoccupied with other things. Excellent. Break that habit of second-guessing yourself and cycling with hindsight. Slow down your next communication to him until you've put some thought into how you want him to view you. It's not a game of pretence, it's letting him know who you are and what you want.
Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Ok, so did you email him back on Sund? If you did and you still haven't heard from him since then, I'd absolutely back off. I'm with TBF on this. If you haven't heard from him at all in 3 days after sleeping with him for the first time - which guys know is a big deal to us girls - absolutely back off. Do not contact him, make him contact you. Follow TBF's instructions. Good luck!
Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 I feel stronger & better already Thanks & I love you guys!! I'll keep you updated
sb129 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I absolutely agree that you shouldn't contact him again CC. Therefore the Trinity has spoken- woe betide any young filly who doesn't take heed of the three wise ladies.. You are sounding a bit more confident, which is great.
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Haha...sb. Somehow I don't think so... Add yourself to the list of women who know what they want from a man and aren't afraid to ask for it.
sb129 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Haha...sb. Somehow I don't think so... Add yourself to the list of women who know what they want from a man and aren't afraid to ask for it. I don't think so what?? Confused by that TBF. I may be on that list, but I only put myself on it at the end of last year....
Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 one more question..not that it's really important because I myself know the answer, but if I'm not contacting him like I was before, will HE think I was just in it for sex? I think he knows I'm not by just the way I talk to him, or that I'm always interested in him on an intellectual level, but I don't want him to think that since I have other guy friends, that's how I do my thang, or after the thang I should say, then not contact him like I used to. but it's not like that with him at all from my standpoint. does that make sense? I didn't know how to word it.
Star Gazer Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 If you're asking if it's okay to contact him "just to make sure he doesn't think you're a slut" - the answer is still NO. Do not contact him. You sent the last email, now it's his turn to contact you. If he doesn't contact you, then who cares what he thinks? His loss.
Author chill chic Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 If you're asking if it's okay to contact him "just to make sure he doesn't think you're a slut" - the answer is still NO. Do not contact him. You sent the last email, now it's his turn to contact you. If he doesn't contact you, then who cares what he thinks? His loss. ok GOOD that's all I needed to know thanks for being so quick!
lino Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 If you're asking if it's okay to contact him "just to make sure he doesn't think you're a slut" - the answer is still NO. Do not contact him. You sent the last email, now it's his turn to contact you. If he doesn't contact you, then who cares what he thinks? His loss. I agree with this, if you were the last to e mail him then it should be him to reach you regardless if he think you're only in it for sex or not. Do you & him mainly contact each other through e mail? What you said about guy friends though is interesting. Do you have more male friends than female ones? If so, especially if it's ALOT more then I would be turned off & think you are someone who just likes to 'get around.' Don't get me wrong, I don't mind at all if a girl has male friends but when she has more of them than female friends, especially alot more, then I don't like it at all.
Trialbyfire Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I don't think so what?? Confused by that TBF. I may be on that list, but I only put myself on it at the end of last year.... The Trinity thing...
Touche Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I better be part of that Trinity shyt, that's all I have to say about it!
Author chill chic Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 You know, you and I have the same problems. Alot of guys I get involved with don't want a relationship with me, they only want to be fwbs. And like you, I have trouble trusting guys because well I'm what you call good-looking as well. And one more thing....I used to have an eating disorder as well. I read an article written by a women who struggles with anorexia and she said that she knew alot of girls with eating disorders who are very beautiful yet had trouble finding boyfriends/love. Alot of it is self-esteem issues we deal with in connection with the eating disorder. The only thing I learned now is to not get physical with someone until its exclusive. I haven't found anyone yet. And actually right now I'm taking a break from dating and focusing on my work/studies. Sometimes the best way to attempt to break a cycle i think is to take a break to focus on oneself. Just my advice. So far, I'm really enjoying the break . Hey Fray, sorry to hear that you have similar problems I do, although it's nice to know that there are other people out there that have the same kind of insecurities, with guys and self-image. Keep me up to date with your progress with guys, and how are you doing with your eating disorder? Keep your head up girl, it's not easy, believe me
Green eyes Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 If he was really interested in you he would have already made this exclusive. You just may very well be the "comfort zone" for him when he comes home. Does he travel to the same places all the time for work? To tell you the truth I used to travel alot for work and I used to have a girl in every place of business. Its nice to have a girl waiting for you when you travel.Sorry if this sounds bad. But I could be wrong. Just play it by year. Let him keep calling you and just lay low. If he really wants to be with you he will say so. Promise. Peace.
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I better be part of that Trinity shyt, that's all I have to say about it! I'm going to laugh at this Trinity thing because you're Jewish... I've got a dash of it... cc, I agree with SG. Let him come to you. If not, too bad, so sad, his loss.
Touche Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I'm going to laugh at this Trinity thing because you're Jewish... I've got a dash of it... cc, I agree with SG. Let him come to you. If not, too bad, so sad, his loss. Laugh all you want. I'm sure used to that kind of treatment. I get that Jews aren't allowed into that exclusive "Trinity" club. I wonder what Jesus would make of that? Hmmmm.... Oh and TBF, I think you have more than a "dash" of Jew in you! Yes, CC these Trinity ladies are right. Please let him cum..I mean come to you. Remember this: If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting. I think you're getting it, girl! Up until now you've been a real doormat. But I can sense it. You're on your way. You're almost a real Goddess. And THAT'S when guys will stop treating you the way they have. Keep it up!
Author chill chic Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 If he was really interested in you he would have already made this exclusive. You just may very well be the "comfort zone" for him when he comes home. Does he travel to the same places all the time for work? To tell you the truth I used to travel alot for work and I used to have a girl in every place of business. Its nice to have a girl waiting for you when you travel.Sorry if this sounds bad. But I could be wrong. Just play it by year. Let him keep calling you and just lay low. If he really wants to be with you he will say so. Promise. Peace. well hey thanks for your feedback. he actually travels around the state, in different places all the time, going to seminars, stays there for a night, then comes home. Since you're a guy, I was wondering how you proceed with your relationships, and how you'd feel if you were the guy in this situation, not being exclusive before having sex. Like if you were still interested in something more, would it phase you, or make you think different? So how would you "say so" if you wanted to be with that girl?
Star Gazer Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I'm going to laugh at this Trinity thing because you're Jewish... I've got a dash of it... I'm a mix of Catholic and Jewish - how'd that happen!??! too bad, so sad That's soooo my saying! THIEF! Oh and TBF, I think you have more than a "dash" of Jew in you! That reminds me of that pickup line, "Do you have any Jew in you? If not, would ya like some, hubba hubba?" [insert Irish/Canadian/whatever else in place...]
Author chill chic Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 I'm going to laugh at this Trinity thing because you're Jewish... I've got a dash of it... cc, I agree with SG. Let him come to you. If not, too bad, so sad, his loss. yah I'm not sure how long it will take for him to come to me again, but I guess we'll see. like I said before though, usually it's every other day or so, but now it's kinda making me nervous, BUT I'm not going to be SO worried about it, I'll be going about my business, and trying to keep it off my mind. do you think he's feeling something more, and he doesn't know how to approach me just yet since we were intimate for the first time last weekend? well whatever the case, I'll be patient and not contact him!!
Trialbyfire Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Laugh all you want. I'm sure used to that kind of treatment. I get that Jews aren't allowed into that exclusive "Trinity" club. I wonder what Jesus would make of that? Hmmmm.... Oh and TBF, I think you have more than a "dash" of Jew in you! Yes, CC these Trinity ladies are right. Please let him cum..I mean come to you. Remember this: If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting. I think you're getting it, girl! Up until now you've been a real doormat. But I can sense it. You're on your way. You're almost a real Goddess. And THAT'S when guys will stop treating you the way they have. Keep it up! Aren't you the leading founder of the Trinity Club? I'm not even going there beyond saying that the big boy upstairs is probably saying Yesu Chreest, just about now... Haha...must be the natural aversion to milk, you're speaking of. Sheesh, must we all be Goddesses now? That's a lot of pressure to put on the rest of us lowly individuals. You go cc. Be the Goddess you were intended to be.
Author chill chic Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 Laugh all you want. I'm sure used to that kind of treatment. I get that Jews aren't allowed into that exclusive "Trinity" club. I wonder what Jesus would make of that? Hmmmm.... Oh and TBF, I think you have more than a "dash" of Jew in you! Yes, CC these Trinity ladies are right. Please let him cum..I mean come to you. Remember this: If you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting. I think you're getting it, girl! Up until now you've been a real doormat. But I can sense it. You're on your way. You're almost a real Goddess. And THAT'S when guys will stop treating you the way they have. Keep it up! yes I'm keeping the lock down on my decision to not contact him, because each day that I'm not contacting him, is actually making me stronger, and more independent feeling, I don't know exactly why that is, but it's the truth. I like to have control in situations, alot of situations in my life are like that, and when I lose control, I steadily get worse until I'm vulnerable for disrespect or heartache. I am getting it, I was running on the treadmill earlier thinking that I love being happy that I have support here and good people like you all do actually care about my well being, even though you don't know me in person. So far it's a turning point, and I was thinking also, that yah all these guys that I know or have been with, think I'm "hot" at first and sleep with me, but then I think now that my "hotness" level just went from 10 to about 3 because they might see me as easy, and I DON'T want that, I'm degrading myself and I know it, and I should treat myself better because I'm better than that and I'm selling myself short in alot of ways, and that's not attractive. So I'm beginning to understand that now. I'd rather be seen as a "good catch" than a "good lay" because obviously that's why some of them keep trying to come back in that manner. And I can't keep perceiving myself like that, I'm 4 years away from being 30 and I need to cut the bad habits out before I even think about raising kids in the near future, I have to take care of myself first.
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