The "Good Guy" Update

[Yamaha]

What are some hints that he's becoming more emotionally involved?

 

I even told him the other day that I liked the fact that he had a "protectiveness" vibe about him, and he said that's a good thing. Meaning that I feel comfortable and safe around him. So is that leaning towards a hint that he agreed?

 

When a guy is emotionally involved he will be happy just being around you and spending lots of time talking to you. Even the sex thing can wait because he won't want to screw things up by moving to fast ( not to say he doesn't want sex ). He will value your opinions and basically be a very close friend to you.

 

It is not a good sign when a guy backs off after getting sex. This conveys he was in it for the sex and now that he scored he is sated until he wants it again. If you have to wonder if a guy is into you, emotionally, then he probably is just being nice. It is hard to hide the fact that you really like someone and want to spend all your time with them. Do you guys spend lots of time talking or is the physical part the main event?

[chill chic]

A couple questions:

1. How often have you seen him?
   
2. He's busy? Cool. With what? Is he finishing his PhD? Working offshore 2 weeks on 2 off? Finishing his surgery residency?

I wouldn't be so quick to label him a player yet. Typically I like to be having sex for a month before having "the talk." By that point, however, I am not seeing any other girls, I just don't want a relationship talk. "seeing anyone else? Nope." I don't like to talk about it beyond that.

 

He sounds A LOT different than the other guys you've been with.

 

Yes he's busy right now campaigning for the state governor, so at least right now, while it's going on, he's traveling alot back & forth.

 

so you're saying, give it a month or so to bring up the "talk"? does it usually work? how do I know if this guy has the same thinking as you?

 

the next day when we went to lunch, he showed me where he's planning on buying a house, and wanted my opinion on it, told me he was paying off his debt and talked more about his family with me, he always does, but I can tell it's getting more and more comfortable between us.

and yes I do believe he's ALOT different from all the other guys, it's a big difference that I can only see.

[chill chic]

When a guy is emotionally involved he will be happy just being around you and spending lots of time talking to you. Even the sex thing can wait because he won't want to screw things up by moving to fast ( not to say he doesn't want sex ). He will value your opinions and basically be a very close friend to you.

 

It is not a good sign when a guy backs off after getting sex. This conveys he was in it for the sex and now that he scored he is sated until he wants it again. If you have to wonder if a guy is into you, emotionally, then he probably is just being nice. It is hard to hide the fact that you really like someone and want to spend all your time with them. Do you guys spend lots of time talking or is the physical part the main event?

 

thanks Yamaha for that explanation. I do notice he smiles alot with me, is goofy, laughs at my jokes, and we do spend ALOT of time talking about anything and everything. what even makes it better is that he looks me in the eye whenever he talks to me, could care less about anyone else in the room, like his eyes are JUST focused on me. Like we were at lunch the other day, and there were all these girls, standing in front of us, and one looked back at him, and he grabbed my hand, playfully flirted with me, and that incident made me smile. so I know he's different, I can tell he cares about my feelings.

he hasn't backed off since we've had sex, he's talked with me since then, and wished that he could've spent more time with me that day but he had to do something for his job.

[shadowplay]

my advice is to keep things light, not bring up any serious talk and see where things go. Stay in a good mood always around him even if you're not feeling it. This is one thing I've learned to do recently that really works.

 

General advice around guys. Try to project an air of confidence and independence. If you act classy, guys will treat you better. The key is to be slightly aloof and confident yet simultaneously warm and friendly. It's hard to pull off, but you'll get it down with practice. The way you dress is also important. Wear tasteful clothes that don't show much skin.

[Trialbyfire]

I see what you mean Shadow, but imo it's more about her than about them. In the sense of.. what kind of message does she send to men. Any man (or woman) is capable of being a dog.

But yes, dating a "nice guy" could be a good chance, don't look at a guy's shoes too close right when you meet him, "nice guys" doesn't mean boring.

 

 

But anyway, just chill ... don't stress.. and do not bring up the relationship topic.

That's an interested perspective Arizona but why in the world would she sleep with a guy who's not practicing exclusivity? cc doesn't seem to want an FWB, she wants something a little more and can't seem to get there. If you go back to all her threads, they're about guys who want one thing, she gives it to them and they're gone.

 

Myself, I would never sleep with anyone without it being an exclusive relationship because at that point, I would already have emotionally invested. The thought of someone I cared about, double-dipping, is rude, nvm the STD perspective. I don't share men and prefer to stay clean.

[chill chic]

my advice is to keep things light, not bring up any serious talk and see where things go. Stay in a good mood always around him even if you're not feeling it. This is one thing I've learned to do recently that really works.

 

General advice around guys. Try to project an air of confidence and independence. If you act classy, guys will treat you better. The key is to be slightly aloof and confident yet simultaneously warm and friendly. It's hard to pull off, but you'll get it down with practice. The way you dress is also important. Wear tasteful clothes that don't show much skin.

 

I always like your advice, I know you've replied about this guy before, so I appreciate your followup.

That's exactly how I wanted to go about it, I even mentioned acting aloof earlier in this post, and just acting cool & confident will make me and him, feel like I'm in control of my own choices and mature about the situation. I will certainly act as if I'm in a good mood around him, even if I truly am, it's just a good vibe to send out.

so good advice, I'll just act calm & collected and not bring up any serious talk just yet, since we've known each other since May, and just now being intimate, it's new to both of us that we did that together, so I'll just go with the flow of things for now, as I'm sure he will too.

[Yamaha]

thanks Yamaha for that explanation. I do notice he smiles alot with me, is goofy, laughs at my jokes, and we do spend ALOT of time talking about anything and everything. what even makes it better is that he looks me in the eye whenever he talks to me, could care less about anyone else in the room, like his eyes are JUST focused on me. Like we were at lunch the other day, and there were all these girls, standing in front of us, and one looked back at him, and he grabbed my hand, playfully flirted with me, and that incident made me smile. so I know he's different, I can tell he cares about my feelings.

he hasn't backed off since we've had sex, he's talked with me since then, and wished that he could've spent more time with me that day but he had to do something for his job.

 

It sounds like he likes you. I would be casual and don't get in to big a rush to jump into a relationship. Find out about him and decide if he's someone you want to get serious about. Enjoy the intellectual play with each other and see how much you have in common. Learning about each other is fun if your both interested so take it one step at time.

[chill chic]

That's an interested perspective Arizona but why in the world would she sleep with a guy who's not practicing exclusivity? cc doesn't seem to want an FWB, she wants something a little more and can't seem to get there. If you go back to all her threads, they're about guys who want one thing, she gives it to them and they're gone.

 

Myself, I would never sleep with anyone without it being an exclusive relationship because at that point, I would already have emotionally invested. The thought of someone I cared about, double-dipping, is rude, nvm the STD perspective. I don't share men and prefer to stay clean.

 

I know I've grown a reputation here with guys...but hear me out on this one so far.

and honestly, most of the guys that I have been with, don't just up & leave, they still linger until I feel what they are all about, or not comfortable with, then I break it off.

[chill chic]

It sounds like he likes you. I would be casual and don't get in to big a rush to jump into a relationship. Find out about him and decide if he's someone you want to get serious about. Enjoy the intellectual play with each other and see how much you have in common. Learning about each other is fun if your both interested so take it one step at time.

 

I think that's the best way to go about this, casual, and not rush into anything just yet. We're still finding out more about each other every time we talk, it's always something new and that's what keeps things interesting between us.

I've seen your comments before and you seem to have a level head about situations and I'm sure it comes with knowledge & experience, thanks

[Trialbyfire]

I know I've grown a reputation here with guys...but hear me out on this one so far.

and honestly, most of the guys that I have been with, don't just up & leave, they still linger until I feel what they are all about, or not comfortable with, then I break it off.

Understood.

 

This guy sounds a little more mature than the other guys you've mentioned which makes me sit up and take more notice. Also, previous to this thread, he appeared to give you more respect instead of viewing you as an object, therefore he's got value. Pardon the crudeness but the little dirt bags who hit and run, aren't worth any time or effort wasted.

 

BUT...if he's like the rest, looking solely for sex, run away because this kind of guy will only play your emotions. DON'T try to outplay him. You won't be able to. The pretend playing it cool stuff, are kids games. Mature adults tell each other they care and then proceed further.

 

Mature men are what you should be wanting and I think, are what you need, if you're looking for a relationship.

[Balalaika]

The guy didn't fool you. He's not a con. People tell you who and what they are, you just need to listen.

 

We've kind of discussed a relationship before this, but said right now he's busy

 

we were intimate, he's going back to being busy again

 

He basically told you from the beginning he's not interested in a relationship with you (for whatever reason). It was your choice to ignore his words and actions and to stick around thinking you chould change him or the situation into what you wanted. You fooled yourself.

 

Chill Chic, the key to not getting yourself into situations like this is valueing yourself enough to take the time out to know exactly what YOU want, and then ACTING on it. If you don't know what you want you're like a boat out in the middle of the ocean without a compass. Anything that comes along will blow you in the direction IT wants you to go while you sit there and get battered.

 

I've learnt this life lesson myself the hard way. It applies to all areas of life, not just relationships.

 

If what you want is a meaningful relationship then you need to know what that would look like for you, and if anything comes along that differs from that picture, you just don't go there. A guy who is truly interested in you and is looking for more than a booty call will NOT start things off by stating just how busy he is and he can't give you what you deserve. And if he does start things off like that, fine, cool, no problem, thanks for being honest dude, not interested!.

 

It's really not about how 'they' treat you. It's about how you treat you. You're in control of you. No one else. I don't believe the ball is in his camp.

[lino]

Good to see you moved on from the 3some guys.

 

Also, since he's waited to have sex with me since we've met, does this mean since we just did last night that he wants to take something further, and he's liking me more? But why hasn't he said that we should be exclusive yet?

 

Maybe it does mean he wants to take things further but not necessarily. You'd be the better one to judge since you know him. He might just not be wanting to rush things & I think you should be like that too. Sounds like you don't wanna stuff it up so try to relax & not get too anxious.

 

Originally Posted by shadowplay

my advice is to keep things light, not bring up any serious talk and see where things go. Stay in a good mood always around him even if you're not feeling it. This is one thing I've learned to do recently that really works.

 

General advice around guys. Try to project an air of confidence and independence. If you act classy, guys will treat you better. The key is to be slightly aloof and confident yet simultaneously warm and friendly. It's hard to pull off, but you'll get it down with practice. The way you dress is also important. Wear tasteful clothes that don't show much skin.

 

I would be casual and don't get in to big a rush to jump into a relationship. Find out about him and decide if he's someone you want to get serious about. Enjoy the intellectual play with each other and see how much you have in common. Learning about each other is fun if your both interested so take it one step at time.

 

I think both of these are good advice & I agree with them. Don't go in too hard and too fast.

 

He basically told you from the beginning he's not interested in a relationship with you

 

I think I also remember you said something along these lines in another thread of yours. If it's true then keep it in mind.

 

Good luck with it

[Star Gazer]

It is not a good sign when a guy backs off after getting sex. This conveys he was in it for the sex and now that he scored he is sated until he wants it again. If you have to wonder if a guy is into you, emotionally, then he probably is just being nice.

 

I couldn't have said it better.

 

People tell you who and what they are, you just need to listen.

 

He basically told you from the beginning he's not interested in a relationship with you (for whatever reason). It was your choice to ignore his words and actions and to stick around thinking you chould change him or the situation into what you wanted. You fooled yourself.

....

It's really not about how 'they' treat you. It's about how you treat you. You're in control of you. No one else. I don't believe the ball is in his camp.

 

This is very important. CC, I think you need to own more responsibility for your experiences with a-holes. You have allowed these jerks to treat you badly because you've shown them that they can. You say they "linger," well why do you think that is? Because they think they can from their experiences with you wherein they're able to be complete twits and you allow them to continue seeing you. Don't fool yourself - you're not calling things off, they are.

 

If what you want is a meaningful relationship then you need to know what that would look like for you...

 

I'm not sure CC knows what a meaningful relationship is supposed to look like. That is why I asked about her relationshipn with her father. She wrote a very long entry about how ABSENT he was from her life, and then edited most of it out.

[sb129]

thanks AZ, I'm going to wait this one out for now, and see what happens, but I'm gonna chill for awhile from every guy I know I think.

 

Sigh. Thats what you said last week CC with the whole 3 some issue.

 

What happened?

Could you really not be on your own for more than a couple of days?

What happened to learning from your previous mistakes? Less than a week, and you have jumped into bed with another guy.

 

I am tending to agree with Stargazer here.

 

You seem so desperate for a boyfriend, that you are allowing them walk to all over you- you sleep with them way too quickly,they back off, and treat you like dirt to a point, then you ditch them and let the next one take his place from the queue.

I have been where you are, and I wish someone had put the hard word on me way back when.

 

You don't seem to be particularly selective- anyone that shows some interest and is halfway "nice" gets a look in. Most men can be nice at the beginning.

 

You are never going to get guys to treat you with the respect you crave if you jump into bed so quickly with them.

 

Chillchic, everyone on LS wants you to be happy, they really do. Most of all me, as I really do know what you are going through.

How do you think we feel when you repeatedly ignore our advice?

 

Why aren't you hanging with your girlfriends, or doing things that make YOU happy? Why do you have to constantly have a man on the go to feel fulfilled?

 

I would take this as a further sign that you are not

a) choosing the right men

b) happy within yourself, and happy alone

and therefore

c) ready for a happy fulfilling relationship.

 

Leave the guys alone for a while. Please! For your own and our sanity!

[chill chic]

I couldn't have said it better.

 

 

 

This is very important. CC, I think you need to own more responsibility for your experiences with a-holes. You have allowed these jerks to treat you badly because you've shown them that they can. You say they "linger," well why do you think that is? Because they think they can from their experiences with you wherein they're able to be complete twits and you allow them to continue seeing you. Don't fool yourself - you're not calling things off, they are.

 

 

 

I'm not sure CC knows what a meaningful relationship is supposed to look like. That is why I asked about her relationshipn with her father. She wrote a very long entry about how ABSENT he was from her life, and then edited most of it out.

 

Now I understand why you're a lawyer Anyway...ever since this guy and I have been intimate, things are still the same, as they were before, so in that sense, no he hasn't run off if that's what you're talking about.

I don't know how old you are, or what your experience is with relationships, if your married or what, but I'm curious to know, since you've seemed to always comment on other people and not share any experiences about yourself? Or maybe I need to look further into your posts.

Point of the matter is, I'm not selling this guy short just yet.

[Arizona100]

There is something that I noticed, that's your avatar. I know.. but I can't help noticing it.

[chill chic]

Sigh. Thats what you said last week CC with the whole 3 some issue.

 

What happened?

Could you really not be on your own for more than a couple of days?

What happened to learning from your previous mistakes? Less than a week, and you have jumped into bed with another guy.

 

I am tending to agree with Stargazer here.

 

You seem so desperate for a boyfriend, that you are allowing them walk to all over you- you sleep with them way too quickly,they back off, and treat you like dirt to a point, then you ditch them and let the next one take his place from the queue.

I have been where you are, and I wish someone had put the hard word on me way back when.

 

You don't seem to be particularly selective- anyone that shows some interest and is halfway "nice" gets a look in. Most men can be nice at the beginning.

 

You are never going to get guys to treat you with the respect you crave if you jump into bed so quickly with them.

 

Chillchic, everyone on LS wants you to be happy, they really do. Most of all me, as I really do know what you are going through.

How do you think we feel when you repeatedly ignore our advice?

 

Why aren't you hanging with your girlfriends, or doing things that make YOU happy? Why do you have to constantly have a man on the go to feel fulfilled?

 

I would take this as a further sign that you are not

a) choosing the right men

b) happy within yourself, and happy alone

and therefore

c) ready for a happy fulfilling relationship.

 

Leave the guys alone for a while. Please! For your own and our sanity!

 

Well sorry I apologize for not following everybody's suggestions on here. I'm getting slightly better, but unfortunately it's taken longer than expected. This recent guy I've dated since May and just now was intimate with him. Yah I know, sad, but 3 guys in a month or so time isn't good. Ever since my FWB guy left last year in Sept, I hadn't slept with anyone, HONEST to GOD, until this last July.

I think another problem I have is that (not being conceded) since I'm known to be above average looking, it's hard for me in that sense to trust guys. It doesn't necessarily have to do with me dressing in a certain way, like I said I can get good or perv comments just wearing sweats to go tanning. So it's hard for me to weed out the good from the bad since it's always been like this for me. My parents know even, because they've heard the comments about my looks, whether it be good or bad from all sorts of people. My mom had the same sorta problem, she was a model too back in the day, but she's raised me to be proper, but some things you have to learn on your own. But I think it's one of my underlying problems, is my appearance. And I also look really young for my age, so that doesn't help either.

 

I've never said this to anyone, but another problem I have, and have been dealing with, is an eating disorder for about 5 yrs now. So I believe I'm just looking for "love" in all the wrong places maybe I should just get a dog instead.

[chill chic]

And what's odd about all of this...while I'm at work, I'm a totally different person. I'm productive, strong and do well as an insurance agent & real estate agent. I like to put pressure on myself and I try to focus on my career more than anything, because it's the only thing I feel accomplished in.

[sb129]

CC, while it may be a big factor, your appearance isn't the only thing that gives off the wrong vibes to men.

 

I know plenty of gorgeous women who can't get a guy to look at them twice because the men are terrified of them, or think they are stuck up, and I know average looking women in your exact situation, and average looking women who are fighting men off with a stick because they have the X factor that attracts men to them.

 

SG and I are not judging you at all.

 

We have been in similar situations to you, and we are trying to help you see it from the opposite end of your twenties.

 

All your posts scream to me that you are desperate to be loved, in any way possible. Unfortunately, usually when we are this desperate, we will accept anything that we can label as "love", when most of the time, it isn't the right kind of thing to nuture us, its the kind of "love" that damages our self esteem even more.

 

I think that (and your eating disorder suggests this also) you do not love yourself anywhere near enough for you to be loved in the way you want to be by a man.

 

Love is such a huge thing, and without loving yourself, I think it will be very very difficult for you to recognise true love from another person.

 

Low self esteem among successful, attractive women in their twenties is very very very common. Trust me, i have been there.

 

Chill Chic, why the hurry? You don't need affirmation from men that you are a valid human being.

You have already said that you are good at your job.

 

Why don't you spend some time cultivating friendships, learning new skills, travelling, and simply enjoying the many great things that life has to offer.

particularly when you are young, free, single with few ties..

 

The love of your life is out there, there is plenty of time to meet him.

Why don't you get to know yourself first?

[Star Gazer]

Now I understand why you're a lawyer Anyway...ever since this guy and I have been intimate, things are still the same, as they were before, so in that sense, no he hasn't run off if that's what you're talking about.

I don't know how old you are, or what your experience is with relationships, if your married or what, but I'm curious to know, since you've seemed to always comment on other people and not share any experiences about yourself? Or maybe I need to look further into your posts.

Point of the matter is, I'm not selling this guy short just yet.

 

First, things are NOT still the same since you slept with this guy, CC. Stop fooling yourself. You started this thread BECAUSE he had changed.

 

Second, what's with the eye roll? You simply don't like hearing what I have to say because you know in your gut that I'm right, and that doing the personal work necessary to fix YOURSELF to actually attract the GOOD guys will take a good amount of EFFORT.

 

You're completely incorrect about only commenting on other people and not sharing myself here on LS - and in fact, you're projecting. YOU are the one only talking about yourself - what help have you provided ANYONE here?

 

But to answer your question - I've posted PLENTY about my life here, my hurt and experiences, my background, all the many foolish mistakes I've made. I'm now 29 and I've been where you are, complete with the daddy issues and sleeping with guys who don't respect and value me, only to delude myself into thinking that they do and asking for help to win them back. It took a very straight-forward and direct therapist - as well as posters HERE - to help me see why I was behaving the way I was, thinking the way I was, etc. I took that step to see someone because I saw a repeated pattern in my romantic relationships and understood that the only common denominator was ME. You can't seem to see any pattern in your relationships other than the guys - but YOU are the common pattern, CC.

 

SG and I are not judging you at all.

 

We have been in similar situations to you, and we are trying to help you see it from the opposite end of your twenties.

 

All your posts scream to me that you are desperate to be loved, in any way possible. Unfortunately, usually when we are this desperate, we will accept anything that we can label as "love", when most of the time, it isn't the right kind of thing to nuture us, its the kind of "love" that damages our self esteem even more.

 

I think that (and your eating disorder suggests this also) you do not love yourself anywhere near enough for you to be loved in the way you want to be by a man.

 

Love is such a huge thing, and without loving yourself, I think it will be very very difficult for you to recognise true love from another person.

 

Exactly. No judgment here - I've been there, done that. But your posts DO scream of desperation for love to the point that you'll take it in any form you can find it, to the point where you continually mistake sex and sexual flirting as forms of true feeling and intimacy, which they are not. All of your threads and posts belie the fact that you don't know what love is. Just like the saying goes, you cannot receive or give love until you love yourself. Having a very similar background as you do, it took me a LONG time to learn what real (familial, platonic, and romantic) love is, and I still don't trust it when I find it because a tiny piece of me doesn't believe I'm worth it. An even bigger piece of you doesn't believe it either. That's gotta change, girl.

[chill chic]

CC, while it may be a big factor, your appearance isn't the only thing that gives off the wrong vibes to men.

 

I know plenty of gorgeous women who can't get a guy to look at them twice because the men are terrified of them, or think they are stuck up, and I know average looking women in your exact situation, and average looking women who are fighting men off with a stick because they have the X factor that attracts men to them.

 

SG and I are not judging you at all.

 

We have been in similar situations to you, and we are trying to help you see it from the opposite end of your twenties.

 

All your posts scream to me that you are desperate to be loved, in any way possible. Unfortunately, usually when we are this desperate, we will accept anything that we can label as "love", when most of the time, it isn't the right kind of thing to nuture us, its the kind of "love" that damages our self esteem even more.

 

I think that (and your eating disorder suggests this also) you do not love yourself anywhere near enough for you to be loved in the way you want to be by a man.

 

Love is such a huge thing, and without loving yourself, I think it will be very very difficult for you to recognise true love from another person.

 

Low self esteem among successful, attractive women in their twenties is very very very common. Trust me, i have been there.

 

Chill Chic, why the hurry? You don't need affirmation from men that you are a valid human being.

You have already said that you are good at your job.

 

Why don't you spend some time cultivating friendships, learning new skills, travelling, and simply enjoying the many great things that life has to offer.

particularly when you are young, free, single with few ties..

 

The love of your life is out there, there is plenty of time to meet him.

Why don't you get to know yourself first?

 

wow sb I really respect your reply back. it actually made me tear up a lil bit! I reread your reply over & over again, so I understood everything that you said. I'm sure if I knew you in person, we'd be friends, well you are my friend on here

I do agree that since I don't have much love for myself, it's hard to see it from another person. That's understandable and I can see that's where most of the problem is at. I'm not sure why I'm in a hurry, but it's a good idea to look into hobbies, or something other than guys all the time, I'm like boy crazy. but first things first, I need to step back, go on a vacation by myself even, do people do that? lol I SO would just to get away from everyone and everything.

And when you said that men are terrified of those women, I agree because usually the "terrified" ones are the average looking good guys, the over-confident, arrogant guys are the ones I get with But I'm seeing now that even my other good looking girl friends are settling for average looking guys and now I know why.

Anyway, when I get home I might go out running or go hit golf balls with my dad or watch a movie, something to take my mind off of all this mess, that way maybe I'll start a new pattern for myself and continue on a good path. I know it's in me, it's just believing it is something I have to work on.

[sb129]

You're completely incorrect about only commenting on other people and not sharing myself here on LS - and in fact, you're projecting. YOU are the one only talking about yourself - what help have you provided ANYONE here?

 

Shes helped me realise how far I have come since those days when I was so desperate for love I saw it in every smile from a guy!

 

Sorry to be flippant CC, but honestly girl, you really should take some of what SG and I are saying on board.

 

I really wish I had had such good advice when I was your age. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to work it out for myself.

[sb129]

wow sb I really respect your reply back. it actually made me tear up a lil bit! I reread your reply over & over again, so I understood everything that you said. I'm sure if I knew you in person, we'd be friends, well you are my friend on here

I do agree that since I don't have much love for myself, it's hard to see it from another person. That's understandable and I can see that's where most of the problem is at. I'm not sure why I'm in a hurry, but it's a good idea to look into hobbies, or something other than guys all the time, I'm like boy crazy. but first things first, I need to step back, go on a vacation by myself even, do people do that? lol I SO would just to get away from everyone and everything.

 

CC, You are more than welcome.

Yes of course people go on holiday by themselves!

 

And when you said that men are terrified of those women, I agree because usually the "terrified" ones are the average looking good guys, the over-confident, arrogant guys are the ones I get with But I'm seeing now that even my other good looking girl friends are settling for average looking guys and now I know why.

 

Never insult them by assuming they are "settling" for average looking guys my dear.

My BF is an average looking guy, and I think he is the hottest man in the universe, because he is the greatest, sweetest, loveliest, kindest, most generous, funny, smart boyfriend I have ever had.

(or if you feel sick from reading that!)

I didn't 'settle' for him- I hit the jackpot!

 

Anyway, when I get home I might go out running or go hit golf balls with my dad or watch a movie, something to take my mind off of all this mess, that way maybe I'll start a new pattern for myself and continue on a good path. I know it's in me, it's just believing it is something I have to work on.

 

Thats a baby step in the right direction.

You will have to work hard, it won't happen immediately.... give it time though.

[Star Gazer]

Shes helped me realise how far I have come since those days when I was so desperate for love I saw it in every smile from a guy!

 

Sorry to be flippant CC, but honestly girl, you really should take some of what SG and I are saying on board.

 

I really wish I had had such good advice when I was your age. Maybe it wouldn't have taken me so long to work it out for myself.

 

Awwww, SB... It's women like you, and Touche, and TBF who've helped me see where I have yet to go if I keep myself in check!! I only wish I also had a futurized version of myself to add to the mix of advice givers back in the day...

[sb129]

Eh, I don't think you are doing so badly... I like the current you.