lost4ever Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Was just having a tenet. Reading about a girl that calls herself the "good time girl" and how she seems to never be able to keep a man because she is not the "good girl" that guys want to marry, but instead the "good time" girl, and it got me thinking this is the reason it didn't work out with MM, In my marriage and even in relationships before I was the good girl, if I say something in a joking way that is the least bit perverted I get the stare from my husband and feel bad for not being proper and such, when I met my MM, we slept together the first night and he made me feel like I was the "good time girl" I think I kept playing that role, for the most part, because I was having a good time, and he didn't know I wasn't the "good time girl" So when I started developing feelings for him maybe he thought I was totally changing b/c my H and I were getting a D. Maybe I tricked him into thinking I was something I am not. Even though the reason I liked him was I thought he knew I was the good girl, and also knew I could be the "good time girl" I'm just wondering if any man want you to be both? It seems when you meet a guy they are looking for either the good time girl or the good girl, why...why can't I go to work and family outings and such and be the good girl, then throw on my baseball cap and jeans, grab a beer and watch sports? Does anyone besides me feel this way?
herenow Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Please forget that I'm a BW as I answer this post. I don't feel that it has anything to do with my opinion on this subject. Also, forgive me if it's not very clear, I have been a bit fluish this weekend, so I'm not 100%. OK, I think you can be both a "good girl" and a "good time girl" as long as you can do it at the appropriate time. For example, if I'm at dinner with my husband and I whisper something provocative in his ear giving him a hint of what's in store for him later, that is "good time girl" appropriate. However, if we are out with some friends and I blurt out that I'm not wearing any underwear, that's just embarrassing. I'm assuming that when you say "good time girl" you are referring to something sexual and a "good girl" is more reserved in her approach to sex. I don't see why a baseball cap, jeans, beer and sports would be considered a "good time girl". I would think that would just be any person being casual and relaxing. JMO With my BW hat back on I have to say that it's those appearances by the "good time girl" that my marriage missed when our lives became filled with responsibility. We always had regular sex, but we neglected to add those touches of excitement that we did when we first got married. I have since found that girl in me and bring her with me when my H least expects it. I remain to be the "good girl" that I have always been, but I my H knows that there is always a chance that my "good time girl" twin will surface for some excitement. I have to always remember that she is there and she needs to be feed as well. One more thing and I'm not trying to bash anyone, but a MM might consider a woman who will have sex with a MM a "good time girl" and not a "good girl" because she is willing to be in that situation. If a woman wants be the "good girl", she probably won't get too far sleeping with MM. I would think it would be very hard to convince a MM that the OW he is having sex with is a "good girl".
Hurt & Alone Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 That is a great question. I was always under the impression that a man wanted a lady on his arm but a whore in the bed. I think they do want both depending on the circumstances. My ex-h wanted that and I think I may have surprised my xmm because while we were talking I guess i gave him the 'good time girl' impression but after the first time we were actually intimate he made a comment that he did not realize I was so loving. He kept coming back so I can only assume that both is what they want. XMM once stated that his W acted as her background dictated. She was very proper, she went to Catholic school. With this stated maybe a W needs to be both and not fall into the proper 'good girl' catagory after she is married when it comes to bedding, maybe he wouldnt have strayed.
Author lost4ever Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 I don't see why a baseball cap, jeans, beer and sports would be considered a "good time girl". I said this just to point out that I didn't mean "good time Girl" just in the bedroom, but in everyday life, I want to go out and party, get drunk, act stupid, ( and yes, I do mean at appropriate times, thats a given) I think this is why I liked my MM, we didn't know anybody ever, who cares what people thought of us. My H would not have been very happy if I acted like this ever! As for the bedroom part, my H and I had sex on a regular basis also, it was never as fun, exciting as with MM, I never even knew some of the things we did could be done. I think my H never did things like that out of respect, and after I found out about those things I couldn't take them home to show H, and even if I could I would have been afraid of his reaction. As with my MM he mentioned a couple of times he has never done anything like that with his W (which, I know could be a line, but give it to me so I can relate my point), and I am thinking, he wouldn't do those things with her for the same reason my H wouldn't do it to me (respect). So in my conclusion, men want the "good girl" they don't want to look at there W and think, wow she does those things. They want to keep the bad girl/good girl seperate.
herenow Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 As with my MM he mentioned a couple of times he has never done anything like that with his W (which, I know could be a line, but give it to me so I can relate my point), and I am thinking, he wouldn't do those things with her for the same reason my H wouldn't do it to me (respect). So in my conclusion, men want the "good girl" they don't want to look at there W and think, wow she does those things. They want to keep the bad girl/good girl seperate. Again, my opinion, but I don't think it's as much about respect as it is a lack of communication. In my case, my H had an affair because he was unable to tell me what he was feeling. It wasn't about me, sex or the OW. It was about the feeling he had that he was inadequate. Had he communicated that to me, we could have dealt with it together, Instead, he found a feeling of adequacy by having sex with an OW. If you were able to communicate your sexual desires to your H (if indeed that was an issue) or the MM could communicate with his wife, you may find that your spouses may want a bit of excitement in their lives as well, but there is such a communication break down, that the relationships have suffered possibly beyond repair. Also, if you think he doesn't do the things he does with you, with his wife because he respects her, what does that say about his respect (or lack of it) for you?
RealityCheck Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 L4E, There is nothing wrong with a diverse quality. We all possess it to some degree. For me, what is important is that I don't allow another to dictate my diversity.
Author lost4ever Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Also, if you think he doesn't do the things he does with you, with his wife because he respects her, what does that say about his respect (or lack of it) for you? This was my point, my H respected me, he wouldn't try to do these things with me, if he wanted to do them he would find an OP, My MM doesn't respect me, so he does these things, (please take off the BW hat, love your post, really do, but this line is trying to take a stab) There is nothing wrong with a diverse quality. We all possess it to some degree. For me, what is important is that I don't allow another to dictate my diversity I like this, I wish this is how all felt, If I could have my H treat me like a "whore" in bed and have it not effect the seeing me as a lady, or MM treat me like a lady in "real" life, keep the "whore" in bed...but oh well.....(actually shouldn't have a problem with H treating me like a whore now
GreenEyedLady Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Was just having a tenet. Reading about a girl that calls herself the "good time girl" and how she seems to never be able to keep a man because she is not the "good girl" that guys want to marry, but instead the "good time" girl, and it got me thinking this is the reason it didn't work out with MM, In my marriage and even in relationships before I was the good girl, if I say something in a joking way that is the least bit perverted I get the stare from my husband and feel bad for not being proper and such, when I met my MM, we slept together the first night and he made me feel like I was the "good time girl" I think I kept playing that role, for the most part, because I was having a good time, and he didn't know I wasn't the "good time girl" So when I started developing feelings for him maybe he thought I was totally changing b/c my H and I were getting a D. Maybe I tricked him into thinking I was something I am not. Even though the reason I liked him was I thought he knew I was the good girl, and also knew I could be the "good time girl" I'm just wondering if any man want you to be both? It seems when you meet a guy they are looking for either the good time girl or the good girl, why...why can't I go to work and family outings and such and be the good girl, then throw on my baseball cap and jeans, grab a beer and watch sports? Does anyone besides me feel this way? My take is that you haven't found the right guy...You are who you are...the man who truly loves you will love "both" parts of you...I don't think you tricked him, I actually think you don't accept who you really are...
herenow Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Also, if you think he doesn't do the things he does with you, with his wife because he respects her, what does that say about his respect (or lack of it) for you? This was my point, my H respected me, he wouldn't try to do these things with me, if he wanted to do them he would find an OP, My MM doesn't respect me, so he does these things, (please take off the BW hat, love your post, really do, but this line is trying to take a stab) Actually I wasn't trying to take a stab. However, I disagree with the idea that if a man respects his wife then he doesn't get wild in bed with her. I still think it's all about communicating what you want to your spouse. My definition of respect does not include finding an OP to have the kind of sex you won't have with your spouse. Quite the opposite. I think that the MM is showing the greatest disrespect for his wife when he engages in an affair with an OW for any reason. That's my point.
Author lost4ever Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Thanks! I'm actually at the stage of "brain storming" to hopefully figure out who I am, Thought I knew till this whole mess, I just get ideas of why I did it, how I feel, What I need in my next R...It helps me to throw ideas out to the LS peeps and hear the thoughts they have....all I I know is 1.) If I cave and don't divorce my H, please someone come over and wack me upside the head, The only reason I wouldn't divorce is because I'm weak and and scared of the future. 2.) If I cave and go back to MM, please someone come over and wack me upside the head, The only reason I would go back to him is because I'm an insecure loser.
Author lost4ever Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Actually I wasn't trying to take a stab. . I apologize I miss understood your intent
herenow Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 I apologize I miss understood your intent I think the MM that has an affair is disrespecting everyone involved including his wife, the OW and himself.
RealityCheck Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Actually I wasn't trying to take a stab. However, I disagree with the idea that if a man respects his wife then he doesn't get wild in bed with her. I still think it's all about communicating what you want to your spouse. My definition of respect does not include finding an OP to have the kind of sex you won't have with your spouse. Quite the opposite. I think that the MM is showing the greatest disrespect for his wife when he engages in an affair with an OW for any reason. That's my point. Ya Think!!!!! I know plenty of people who communicate their sexual problems and is heard on deaf ears! Perhaps he is not getting it home!!!
GreenEyedLady Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Thanks! I'm actually at the stage of "brain storming" to hopefully figure out who I am, Thought I knew till this whole mess, I just get ideas of why I did it, how I feel, What I need in my next R...It helps me to throw ideas out to the LS peeps and hear the thoughts they have....all I I know is 1.) If I cave and don't divorce my H, please someone come over and wack me upside the head, The only reason I wouldn't divorce is because I'm weak and and scared of the future. 2.) If I cave and go back to MM, please someone come over and wack me upside the head, The only reason I would go back to him is because I'm an insecure loser. You have such a negative self-image...That's what you need to focus on: is changing your whole image of yourself... If you did do either 1 or 2 it would just mean that you are human...
Cobra_X30 Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I don't see why a baseball cap, jeans, beer and sports would be considered a "good time girl". I said this just to point out that I didn't mean "good time Girl" just in the bedroom, but in everyday life, I want to go out and party, get drunk, act stupid, ( and yes, I do mean at appropriate times, thats a given) I think this is why I liked my MM, we didn't know anybody ever, who cares what people thought of us. My H would not have been very happy if I acted like this ever! As for the bedroom part, my H and I had sex on a regular basis also, it was never as fun, exciting as with MM, I never even knew some of the things we did could be done. I think my H never did things like that out of respect, and after I found out about those things I couldn't take them home to show H, and even if I could I would have been afraid of his reaction. As with my MM he mentioned a couple of times he has never done anything like that with his W (which, I know could be a line, but give it to me so I can relate my point), and I am thinking, he wouldn't do those things with her for the same reason my H wouldn't do it to me (respect). So in my conclusion, men want the "good girl" they don't want to look at there W and think, wow she does those things. They want to keep the bad girl/good girl seperate. As perhaps the only guy in the room here. Yes, you can be both in a R. In fact you have to, if you want to be happy. Your H put his expectations on you, but... YOU contol the person that is projected to him. GEL says you havnt found the right guy. Yeah, thats one answer... but you need to find the right you. Have you spent allot of time bieng what others want? Maybe, your just breaking those chains!
lovernotafighter Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I see why RC likes you cobra..Id say the same thing, we have no control over anyone but our selves, i like it that way myself
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