sunnysideup1 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Basically, I should have gotten someone out of my life awhile ago but I keep letting them back in. Honestly, the thought of NC makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I can't do it. I don't know how to move on. I feel like I am lost.
directx Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Get busy. Work, hobbies, whatever. Why don't you vent here when you feel the need to make contact? I dont know. Its tough, I know that.
alpha70 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I'm going through the same thing sunny. She didn't want any part of the relationship or wasn't willing to work on it.......I gave her an email saying no hard feelings and told her I would miss her and good luck. Maybe you can do that and then you'll have some peace of mind. I never heard back from the cold hag but that was expected and one of the reminders why I don't like this woman. So maybe do that and then just let go. He's not good for you and you know it. I'm on day 6 of NC. It sucks but when there's nothing there there's nothing there. Many many more people out there for us that will give us what we need w/o the hassle and headache.
Author sunnysideup1 Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 The thing is, this person really did me wrong and I still feel angry about it. Should I write a note about how angry I feel then say I don't want anything to do with them?
alpha70 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I felt the same way but didn't go there....would have given her satisfaction and I didn't want that. Write a amicable letter saying it's been real and good luck. That's it! If they respond with a thank you, you too...great, if not, ok too. BUT if they respond with a question or a concern....like, what did I do? DON"T ANSWER IT. Period. that is your last word to him. It's over! Start to heal then Reply to my post too if you can please. Thanks
Author sunnysideup1 Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 Thanks. I will reply to your post now. I thought I might send a note explaining that during the part in my life that he decided to treat me so horribly, I was going through a lot. I will tell him that I wish him well and that perhaps in the future it's a good idea to treat people with kindness. I am going to send a note because I have to send back some things, anyway. This person always calls me "crazy" and never ceases to tell me how weird I am, even after treating me like complete trash and me putting up with it again and again. I'm sick of being treated like a mental patient, when I've never done anything wrong. It makes me think I need to get my head checked all the time.
alpha70 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 That sounds good sunny. Let me hear your thoughts on my thread.....is this acceptable or normal behavior? Thanks and good luck!
Curious139 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Hi Sunny It sounds as though your ex was manipulative and controlling. Some men need to be that way. I sense that you need closure and by saying certain things to him, you will achieve it. I'm not sure it always works that way. When we say something to someone else we anticipate or expect a reaction, an answer. In a situation of lost love, the answer we want or hope for often doesn't happen. Instead we get more hurt. So my advice is to make any message short and dignified. Don't lose your self-respect. He has already taken enough of that away from you. No Contact is to allow you to heal. It is so hard to do but honestly it is the only way to help yourself gain time and perspective.
In Sync Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Basically, I should have gotten someone out of my life awhile ago but I keep letting them back in. Honestly, the thought of NC makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I can't do it. I don't know how to move on. I feel like I am lost. it's an old cliche but it is the truth...it will be a lie to say that it is not hard..only think of it as a healing process and detoxing yourself from a manipulative emotionally abusive relationship. Although it appears difficult we've all been there and you will move on...imho I would send back the items to the person but without the note. the note is equivalent to one more contact hoping for one more chance that the person will change...if you've really made the decision and really want to start anew..maintain NC. Take the time to accept that this person and negative energy is out of your life.
loveinlife Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 heya! Sunny i understand what you are going through... its tough...im still doing it myself. How? Im not sure, i try to look for an answer everyday... those that are given only tells me what to do and no one can help us but ourselves. Basically taking actions for our own thoughts. if the ones we love have move on, let them go just because they can that to us go so easily. good luck buttercup =)
Grace112 Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 The "crazy" comment hit a cord with me and hopefully it'll help you keep NC. If someone wants to put you down to make himself/herself feel better, sending a note, e-mail, etc. just gives him/her more fuel for the fire. It'll be turned around into something else just so it can be pointed to as proof - "crazy". As much as you're angry and as much as you have something to say, don't give him/her any more ammo. I know it's tough - the more you think about it, the more you want to say. Post in here. It's amazing how just typing out your frustrations helps.
WhiteKnight Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Well I have to say in order to move on, you have to give your ex a good closure. You either want to end things for now and move on with life without any interference. Having the NC is very hard because you are unable to contain with each other. There will be a pain of loss and you will have to find your way to move on. Distract yourself I say, just leave them alone altogether. Change contact details if you don't wish to be contacted. Move on your life by going out more, have fun and play games or watch movies. Maybe even write a novel or do drawing etc. Get busy with work and/or study, at least you will know you will be better off. I did that and managed to find myself more at peace than whenever my ex's try to contact me. I feel there is no peace with my ex's except pain of the past and suffering. I don't need that, if they wanted a friendship they can have it but I will stay out of their sight if they wanted to. Hence, I don't contact them anyhow unless if there is some good news I just tell them good to hear you are doing well and wish them all the best. They either do or do not respond, I don't care either way. However if I get a response that means they value the friendship but if I don't, that means the friendship between the ex and I have already been closed. But look at it this way Sunnysideup1, if you are angry at your ex. Just hold in your anger and vent somewhere, however bare in mind you will forgive that person later on. For now, just tell your ex exactly how you feel and explain that you want to stop be treated like dirt and leave you alone.
katla Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Hi sunnyside, I really do feel for you. I know we're both in somewhat similar situations in struggling to let go of someone whose presence in our life causes much more harm than good. I was thinking, have you ever considered pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy? I'm seeing a therapist right now, and while it certainly isn't a cure-all for natural painful human emotions like rejection and loneliness when one goes through a separation, studies have shown that it is one of the most effective ways in which you can recognize and then help alter self-destructive patterns of thought and behaviors. Just a suggestion...! I also have a question for you. Does the anger you've said you're feeling so strongly now lie solely with him, or do you think that you could also be directing some of that anger towards yourself? Often when we direct our anger inward our self-esteem tends to fall by the wayside, which is one explanation as to why we continue to seek the validation of an individual who's shown us in flying colors that he or she is unreliable and/or untrustworthy. Maybe you can't let go of this guy in part because you still feel like you have to "prove" to him that you aren't crazy and that you have a lot to offer as a person? Don't fall into that trap, please. I think that these other people are right. You need to do something for yourself that will give you the confidence and inner strength you will need to move on not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well. I just started a new job and I can't tell you how much of an effect it has had on my perspective of myself. Dive into something that will lead you away from the mess you're trying to leave behind. And if you ever want to e-mail me, just PM me. I'd be more than welcome to help you along the way. Hope you feel better, hon.
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