alexa137 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 i would like some men and women to give me their opinions or how they view a relationship-like the "rules" ive read and heard many different things mainly about how much and what you should tell your mate--concerning questioning where they are when they are not with you- i guess most men dont like to be questioned-dont know why bcause my as a woman it doesnt bother me-maybe bcause when i am in a relationship i dont worry about anyone else etc...i think the reason my bf left me was bcause i was always checking up on him calling etc. but according to my mom that is normal--i mean i think most people wonder where there mate is if they dont tell me and dont know right? any comments, views, ideas i would like to hear thanks
Touche Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 i would like some men and women to give me their opinions or how they view a relationship-like the "rules" ive read and heard many different things mainly about how much and what you should tell your mate--concerning questioning where they are when they are not with you- i guess most men dont like to be questioned-dont know why bcause my as a woman it doesnt bother me-maybe bcause when i am in a relationship i dont worry about anyone else etc...i think the reason my bf left me was bcause i was always checking up on him calling etc. but according to my mom that is normal--i mean i think most people wonder where there mate is if they dont tell me and dont know right? any comments, views, ideas i would like to hear thanks Yes, but who wants to be with someone who doesn't just tell you? I wouldn't. And that should have been your first clue that something was wrong. You shouldn't HAVE to question.
AriaIncognito Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Maybe he left because you always spell it "bcause". In all seriousness, there's definitely a fine line between checking in on someone, and not trusting someone or appearing like you don't trust them. If he thought you were checking up on him too often he probably felt like you were being more like a mother/nag and less like a girlfriend/lover. If you are in a relationship with open communication, you shouldn't really need to check on them often. You pretty much grow to know eachothers schedules and habits and whatnot. If someone isn't open enough to share their schedule with you, well then they probably aren't worth being in a relationship with to begin with.
nittygritty Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I think its normal to check in with your SO but checking up on someone sends the message that you don't trust that person. Trust is very important in any relationship. If you have issues with trusting the opposite sex than you need to figure out the cause and try to change this about yourself. If trust was broken by your SO than it will be difficult to regain that trust. Depending on the level of betrayal, their future actions and your ability to forgive and trust them again determines the outcome.
Author alexa137 Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 yeah it was hard to gain trust again after he cheated--if he wasnt with me i was always thinking is he with her--it took alot and a long time to finally admit it-then when he did tell me he asked me if i was Still leaving! i said yes and he responded you cant leave me i need you! so i stayed with him for awhile and now i am trying to cope with him leaving any way possible i tried the same line to him when he was leaving a few weeks because i was going through a miscarriage i told him you cant leave me i need you! he just wants me to leave him alone now which is the hardest thing to do right now--well makes it a little easy is that he got a new cell phone and didnt give me the number so i really dont have no way to contact him which is nerve racking and drives me crazy!
oddie Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 alexa......why would you want to stay with someone who cheats on you? Did you really like the way he made you feel when he didn't tell where he was?.....he kept you insecure in the relationship (expecially after the cheating) and if you keep going back, you will give him all the power in the relationship. And with that power nor he or you will ever change. Also you should never "need" someone that is unhealthy for you. Possibly you needed some support with someone who could relate with your situation, but in a healthy way right? You deserve to be respected, start by taking care of yourself, and forget about him, which is bacially what he does to you!
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 alexa......why would you want to stay with someone who cheats on you? Did you really like the way he made you feel when he didn't tell where he was?.....he kept you insecure in the relationship (expecially after the cheating) and if you keep going back, you will give him all the power in the relationship. And with that power nor he or you will ever change. Also you should never "need" someone that is unhealthy for you. Possibly you needed some support with someone who could relate with your situation, but in a healthy way right? You deserve to be respected, start by taking care of yourself, and forget about him, which is bacially what he does to you! Well said oddie. Relationships are based on love, trust and respect. While there maybe a few hard boundaries, most of a relationship is a combination of give, take, compromise, with a healthy dose of mutual respect and consideration. A relationship list will never cover everything. Your ex didn't give you this so it failed. I don't know if you provided him with all the above but if not, look to what you won't do next time and give up on this one. He doesn't sound worth the heartache or effort.
nittygritty Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 yeah it was hard to gain trust again after he cheated--if he wasnt with me i was always thinking is he with her--it took alot and a long time to finally admit it-then when he did tell me he asked me if i was Still leaving! i said yes and he responded you cant leave me i need you! so i stayed with him for awhile and now i am trying to cope with him leaving any way possible i tried the same line to him when he was leaving a few weeks because i was going through a miscarriage i told him you cant leave me i need you! he just wants me to leave him alone now which is the hardest thing to do right now--well makes it a little easy is that he got a new cell phone and didnt give me the number so i really dont have no way to contact him which is nerve racking and drives me crazy! You know that you can't trust this guy, he has proven that. He cheated on you and wasn't there for you when you needed him, what more do you need to know about him? You do deserve better Alexa, you can do better, alone is better than with him. Be thankful he is gone and work on improving your self worth and self esteem.
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