Not_That_Innocent Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 He let's jealousy and anger get the best of him and broke things off with me last night because he called earlier that day and I didn't answer the phone. I explained to him that the phone was in my purse and I didn't know it was ringing. I also explained how ridiculous it is for him to expect me to pick up every time he calls. We argued back and forth about it for a while and he basically said he doesn't want to see me anymore. He called back this morning with an apology. Said he was upset about something else but took it out on me. He begged me to see him tonight. What's crazy about it is he only changed his mind about us because one of his female friends told him how ridiculous he was being. I think it's sad that he didn't come to that conclusion on his own. I have real problems with his anger and jealousy issues, so in a way I feel relieved that he broke it off with me. Yet, there is this small part of me that wants to go back, if for nothing else to comfort him because I know what he is upset about and it had nothing to do with me - he just took it out on me. Right after the situation that upset him happened he called me for comfort and because I didn't answer he got mad. He immediately assumed that I was with someone else, which is what he assumes 90% of the time. I probably should run ... fast and far, far away. Yet, I feel badly about leaving him right now when I know he's hurting. Maybe I should tell him that I don't want to continue, yet let him know that I still support him as a friend. What do you think?
Kamille Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 He let's jealousy and anger get the best of him and broke things off with me last night because he called earlier that day and I didn't answer the phone. I explained to him that the phone was in my purse and I didn't know it was ringing. I also explained how ridiculous it is for him to expect me to pick up every time he calls. We argued back and forth about it for a while and he basically said he doesn't want to see me anymore. He called back this morning with an apology. Said he was upset about something else but took it out on me. He begged me to see him tonight. What's crazy about it is he only changed his mind about us because one of his female friends told him how ridiculous he was being. I think it's sad that he didn't come to that conclusion on his own. I have real problems with his anger and jealousy issues, so in a way I feel relieved that he broke it off with me. Yet, there is this small part of me that wants to go back, if for nothing else to comfort him because I know what he is upset about and it had nothing to do with me - he just took it out on me. Right after the situation that upset him happened he called me for comfort and because I didn't answer he got mad. He immediately assumed that I was with someone else, which is what he assumes 90% of the time. I probably should run ... fast and far, far away. Yet, I feel badly about leaving him right now when I know he's hurting. Maybe I should tell him that I don't want to continue, yet let him know that I still support him as a friend. What do you think? A friend of mine was stuck in a relationship like this for three years and the fights -and the taking things out on her- only got worse over time. If you do decide to go back to this man, don't do it because you know he feels bad. He should learn to handle his emotions on his own. You shouldn't take responsibility for his moods.
Enema Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 You don't need this guy's drama. Being with a guy who assumes you're with someone else 90% of the time you're not immediately available is not a fun place to be. If you keep going back to him, you validate his behaviour and it will never change.
101NEO Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 i would typically agree with kamille but on this one i have been guilty of being a jealous and over reacting guy to my girl. because she split up with me over it, i went and sought a little bit of therapy. once i did it really opened up my eyes to how my actions might affect her and made me realize that it is unacceptable. i will never again allow myself to make her feel like that because i don't ever want to feel like this ever again. so now i spend every day trying to patch a relationship that i damaged by making stupid mistakes. and it's taking a very long time because i now realize that more than anything i broke her trust in me. she trusted me to not hurt her and i did. i personally think that people make mistakes. the best people are the ones who make mistakes and then learn from them. if he can learn from his own stupidity, it might be worth holding on to. if not, head for the hills before it's too late.
Kamille Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 i would typically agree with kamille but on this one i have been guilty of being a jealous and over reacting guy to my girl. because she split up with me over it, i went and sought a little bit of therapy. once i did it really opened up my eyes to how my actions might affect her and made me realize that it is unacceptable. i will never again allow myself to make her feel like that because i don't ever want to feel like this ever again. so now i spend every day trying to patch a relationship that i damaged by making stupid mistakes. and it's taking a very long time because i now realize that more than anything i broke her trust in me. she trusted me to not hurt her and i did. i personally think that people make mistakes. the best people are the ones who make mistakes and then learn from them. if he can learn from his own stupidity, it might be worth holding on to. if not, head for the hills before it's too late. I agree with this a 100%. I think he should demonstrate a willingness to change before you consider going back to him. He should be the one catering to your needs - and the fact that his action hurt you, instead of the opposite.
Lishy Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I do not mean to be harsh honey, but run for the fekking hills before you get in too deep! This guy sounds manipulating and controlling with a massive jealousy! Get out!
davinne01 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 My opinion is that this situation could get scary depending on how long you've been with this person, if he gets that jealous over nothing what if he starts hitting on you, from the way it sounds that is so possible. It scares me how many women get mixed up with men like this. Sometimes jealous is cute the right amount of jealousy we all want our mates to be a little jealous because that means they care, but when it gets out of hand. It's no longer cute, and could get very dangerous. Maybe your right about running away fast and far. Because if he took something out on you once, he will, or is very likely to do it again. It's alright to love, but always remember love doesn't hurt!!!
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 You have a problem with HIS anger and his jealousy...then don't take him back...simple. Don't settle for a guy like that. That is a sign of control and manipulation... that's usually how physical and emotional abuse starts... put an end to all this nonsense right away. You don't need losers like him.
directx Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 You have a problem with HIS anger and his jealousy...then don't take him back...simple. Don't settle for a guy like that. That is a sign of control and manipulation... that's usually how physical and emotional abuse starts... put an end to all this nonsense right away. You don't need losers like him. HI LIZZIE!!!! Yes, i agree with Lizzie 100%! She makes much sense!
Kengne Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 not only is his jealousy n insecurity a turn-off his rashness to end things would be a HUGE no-no for me i'm not into that break-up-to-make-up drama - are you? you deserve to be with smo who is secure n confident and won't say things they don't mean, then apologize AFTER the fact childish he made the right decn - FOR YOU - to end things don't let him backtrack and weasel his way back into your life K.
jcster Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Listen to your gut. It's told you all you need to know. You are not responsible for his feelings, nor are you responsible for his actions. Take this opportunity and get away from this guy, it will only get worse.
Author Not_That_Innocent Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 You all are right in that he is not going to change ... I went to see him that night and we had a good time. He apologized profusely, professed his love for me and acted as sweet as pie. He swore he would never act like that ever again because he doesn't want to scare me off. But then ... the next night we got together and it happened again. He started in with the yelling and screaming and called me names. He said that I was "being a B*%^!" and also said the things I was saying I sounded "like an A-hole" I had previously expressed to him that I was seeing a therapist and he told me that I needed to "go back to counseling." It was horrible! I left ... and I swear there is nothing he could do or say to make me ever go back. He's a whack job who doesn't deserve my compassion.
jcster Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I left ... and I swear there is nothing he could do or say to make me ever go back. He's a whack job who doesn't deserve my compassion. Amen to that!
Lishy Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 You all are right in that he is not going to change ... I went to see him that night and we had a good time. He apologized profusely, professed his love for me and acted as sweet as pie. He swore he would never act like that ever again because he doesn't want to scare me off. But then ... the next night we got together and it happened again. He started in with the yelling and screaming and called me names. He said that I was "being a B*%^!" and also said the things I was saying I sounded "like an A-hole" I had previously expressed to him that I was seeing a therapist and he told me that I needed to "go back to counseling." It was horrible! I left ... and I swear there is nothing he could do or say to make me ever go back. He's a whack job who doesn't deserve my compassion. Oh you have made the right choice! He will make some other girl miserable now. He is a wacko and you are lucky you escaped him!
Recommended Posts