ca2zs Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I like to keep things like I'm talking about anonymous, nothing towards the users of this forum its just the way I'd rather go about it, because someones relationship isn't exactly anyone else's business. I was recently in a relationship for almost two years, the women I was with, I was hoping to be with for the rest of my life, and she was also the first women I have dated and had sex with. This hasn't been the first time that we have broken up, but I believe that this one is the end. When we first broke up, I was trying everything in my power to get back together with her, the result was her completely disrespecting me the entire time, and eventually she hooked up with another man and had sex with him, after that I was ready to move on, and eventually I had sex with another women. After about a week with the man she was with she came back to me because she was still in love with me, and I agreed, even though it broke my heart that she would do that, and the purposes behind why she would do something like that without realizing that I was obviously trying to get back together with her the entire time, from her explanation on why she did, was because I was too much for her, that I was everything in her life, and cared about her so much to the point where she didn't want someone that cared or loved her as much, and she wanted someone to have sex with that didn't care at all about her. After we got back together, my perspective changed towards her, because I thought in my mind, that she has never tried to make me happy, in the relationship that we have been in thus far in its entirety, it bothered me to an extent that when I would try to kiss her, or hug her at all in our relationship, she would move away, and get upset that I would try to do such things, but from stories I've heard from her past relationships proved to be different. Throughout our relationship, I was a loyal partner towards her, and I always tried to make her happy, and feel good in any way I could. I am the kind of person that is incredibly easy to please, and from my perspective my partner wasn't exactly trying very hard to stay with me, or to bring happiness in my life. My question is for the men, and women, in relationships, and for the men, and women that aren't in a relationship. Some of the arguments me and my partner had throughout our relationship had to do with, activities in bed that she did not want to do, but had done in the past numerous times with other men that she has been with (including the man she was with the time she broke up with me and then got back together with me) , and when I would calmly ask her if she could do such activities, for example, giving me oral sex, "in the heat of the moment" she would just not do it because she didn't like to, and would actually get mad at me and become defensive because I was asking her, from her perspective, a stupid question. But when she would ask for me to give her oral sex, I would do it out of curiosity towards her because I know that she likes it. I was not trying to exactly create a huge situation about the problems that I had, but from my point of view, I always thought that in a relationship, both partners were suppose to make the other happy, because if both parties were not happy there was no point in being in a relationship, and when I would approach her on the situation she couldn't give me a straight forward reason on why she doesn't try to make me feel good in bed, or out of bed for that matter. So my question is, was what I doing wrong? Was the fact that I might enjoy oral sex such a bad thing? Is it unfair for her to do such activities with other men, but not give me the decency of being able to experience it, being in a first time relationship, and being the first women I've had sex with? Is being in a relationship not suppose to mean that both partners are suppose to be happy, based on what the other partner is trying to do for them? Is being in love with someone wrong? Is caring about the women you love more than anything, wrong? Is trying to kiss the one you love, wrong? Is this how all relationships are? I loved the women I was with more than anything, and would do anything for her. But at times like these I feel like I have been fooling myself, thinking that she was going to be the love of my life. This all does not have to do with sex, or that I never got oral sex, this is a mere example of what I'm trying to get answered, it's about how partners are suppose to make the other happy, and vice versa. Other arguments had to do with the same topic of being happy caused from the significant other, that you, me or anyone else is with. So I guess, this question is for all men and women that are in relationships, or have been in one. A quote with a simple "yes" or "no" is sufficient, all other comments are appreciated, seems like this may be a thread for break up, but it also has questions about normal dating and relationships, so I posted it here. Thank you.
VIP Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 After about a week with the man she was with she came back to me because she was still in love with me, and I agreed, even though it broke my heart that she would do that, and the purposes behind why she would do something like that without realizing that I was obviously trying to get back together with her the entire time, from her explanation on why she did, was because I was too much for her, that I was everything in her life, and cared about her so much to the point where she didn't want someone that cared or loved her as much, and she wanted someone to have sex with that didn't care at all about her. So she said she was still in love with you, at the same time she didn't want someone who loved her, that is, you. She contradicts herself, she simply is not in love with you. There are women, who would take a good man for granted and fall for a "bad boy". when I would try to kiss her, or hug her at all in our relationship, she would move away, and get upset that I would try to do such things That just shows again that she is not in love with you. my partner wasn't exactly trying very hard to stay with me, or to bring happiness in my life. Don't you think you deserve better? in a relationship, both partners were suppose to make the other happy, because if both parties were not happy there was no point in being in a relationship Exactly So my question is, was what I doing wrong? What was wrong is that you did it with the wrong person. Was the fact that I might enjoy oral sex such a bad thing? No Is it unfair for her to do such activities with other men, but not give me the decency of being able to experience it, being in a first time relationship, and being the first women I've had sex with? That just shows that she cared more about other men than about you. Is being in a relationship not suppose to mean that both partners are suppose to be happy, based on what the other partner is trying to do for them? Yes. Is being in love with someone wrong? No, but loving a wrong person can break your heart. Is caring about the women you love more than anything, wrong? No, but it won't bring you happinness if the woman doesn't love you. Is trying to kiss the one you love, wrong? No, but if she doesn't love you, it might seem wrong to her. Is this how all relationships are? No, only unhealthy ones. You seem to be a nice and caring person. Don't get discouraged, you have all the right ideas about a relationship. You simply haven't met the right woman yet.
jcster Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I don't think she really loves you. You are putting all of the effort into the relationship, so she doesn't need to contribute anything. She sounds like she has some serious issues that she needs to work through. My best advice to you is to work on detaching yourself from your enmeshment with this girl. You need to give yourself some space to see what's really going on.
Kamille Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 The only thing you did wrong was to stay in a relationship that wasn't satisfactory for you because you believed it was love. Some of us have learned that lesson the hard way. This must be hard for you, mostly because you likely stayed with her because you idealized the love you felt for her and likely thought it could move mountains. Love doesn't exist outside of the relationship between two people : it is mutual action more then words. Next time you find in a situation where you think you love someone who doesn't seem to care to make you happy, walk away.
Author ca2zs Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 Thank you for all the comments and replies. At most, I know that what I was doing was right, and was trying to do my best, and was trying to make her happy, thats all that mattered. Thank you for your time, and your honesty. If anyone else would like to comment, feel free. Thank you.
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