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Can't find Mr. Right!


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Posted
I always find the best girls when I am not even looking and not expecting it.

 

When you are looking, nothing happens.

 

Can't explain it.

 

How does that work??????

 

When I am actually not looking, I make no effort to meet or talk to people I don't know, and they certainly don't knock on my door.

 

Whenever I started dating someone, I noticed her because I was looking, and I made the effort to talk to her, ask for a phone number and ask for a date.

 

And I can't get into the mindset "not caring" if she says no. If I really didn't care I wouldn't be asking her out. If I meet someone with whom I "click" and sense mutual sexual attraction, I care very much what happens. I tried asking out women I when I didn't care much if they said no, but that's because I didn't find much about them to be attractive in the first place. But when I did this and they said yes, I found my self on dates, or even in bed, with women expecting a relationship when I had no interest in a relationship with them. Can you say "AWWWWKWAARD!"

 

I will agree that putting forth a great effort to meeting someone often doesn't work, and may even backfire. But I do have to be looking at least a little bit.

Posted

Every time we get these posts they invariably state, "I'm told I'm attractive".

 

... just sayin. :p

Posted

Everyone is attractive in different ways and to different people.

 

Look at Paris Hilton. Some people feel she's god's gift to beauty and others find her nasty.

Posted

I've noticed a lot of married people are NOT attractive. So it's not that.

Posted
It's frustrating reading these posts because you ladies sound like the kind of people I would like to meet (for whatever that's worth). The natural problem with it is that "quality people" and "easy places to meet people" are not really on the same field. The places that make it easy to meet people do not often attract quality people and vice versa.

 

Don't let it get you down. Life ebbs and flows and you're in a funk. They're out there. I'll bet you look right through one at leas twice a day. Maybe they're the ones that don't scream out for attention or aren't acting stupid and they just go unnoticed.

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement!

 

I guess I think I am allright though How do I know if a woman thinks I am a jerk? Maybe someone's jerk is someone else's knight in shinning armour.

 

It could be also the bad boy syndrome, the jerks keep your the emotions on edge and are more attractive in that way.

 

Probably the non-jerks get tired of competing with the jerks and the jerks get all the women by default.

 

When I say jerk it's because I seem to attract the guys who say one thing and do another. Say they are interested, want to see me and say they will call. But actions don't follow through. But in the start did all of the above to make you think they may be worth getting to know.

 

If a good guy came up to me or found me online and so on I would definatly be able to see the difference and be happy to get to know him.

Posted
If a good guy came up to me or found me online and so on I would definatly be able to see the difference and be happy to get to know him.

Nooo...not online. Too many people play the pretend game online. Until you get to know these guys in real life, you will never know who they are. When you're in denial, words are so easy.

Posted
Nooo...not online. Too many people play the pretend game online. Until you get to know these guys in real life, you will never know who they are. When you're in denial, words are so easy.

 

Well I meant no matter where it may be a real true good guy would stand out.

 

But about online dating, I yes have tried it but no matter how I meet someone same result. But I don't "date" online, will meet someone but date in real life to find out who they are.

 

Though comes down to I seem to attract guys who think I will call for their BS and game. No matter where I am, out for a walk, on the bus, on the net. I catch on when they start changing but is frustrating I can't attract someone sincere.

 

I don't go looking (let guys come to me) but can't turn off that I do want to find someone special.

 

I also just moved to a new town where I would like to meet some local friends and a guy would be nice. But not sure where to go to meet new people. Won't happen at work and don't have a lot of money to take classes. Not going to do the bar thing, wouldn't want a guy I met there and want to meet some friends too.

Posted

7's date 7's.

 

Are your standards too high?

Posted
7's date 7's.

 

Are your standards too high?

 

No actually I am open minded, will give someone a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt when something doesn't seem quite right. Maybe even to a fault, though at the same time once it's obvious and have given them the benefit then I don't let them walk all over me. (For example if someone is very late for a date for example, but few times in a row then that shows lack of respect.

Posted

Alright chic. If you are trying to look for a "mr. right", you are never ever ever going to find him (oh yeah did I say never). You have a big problem if you are going to put a limit on who you think is "mr. right". You sound like you are trying to find some one that is absolutely perfect babe. Thats not going to happen. If you dont like the bar scene what are you into? Reading? Go to the library! Take chance and go some where that you normally wouldnt go to look for a date (you are probably thinking I am crazy, but dont knock it before you try it). "Mr. Right" could be there waiting for you. All in all he is out there just stop looking for him. He will come to you hun. Promise. Peace

Posted
Alright chic. If you are trying to look for a "mr. right", you are never ever ever going to find him (oh yeah did I say never). You have a big problem if you are going to put a limit on who you think is "mr. right". You sound like you are trying to find some one that is absolutely perfect babe. Thats not going to happen. If you dont like the bar scene what are you into? Reading? Go to the library! Take chance and go some where that you normally wouldnt go to look for a date (you are probably thinking I am crazy, but dont knock it before you try it). "Mr. Right" could be there waiting for you. All in all he is out there just stop looking for him. He will come to you hun. Promise. Peace

 

(I'm assuming that's directed towards me since I posted last if not lol) That's just it, I'm not looking. The men that do find me are very wrong.

I'm not looking for Mr.Right or the Perfect man, just right and perfect for me. I don't have a list or anything and am very open minded. I am living my life, working and playing doing things I enjoy. Many of my interests do tend to be more girly things which isn't a great way to meet guys (jewellery making for example) I'm willing to try something different, just looking for ideas on what they may be.

Posted

Could try dancing but it has never worked for me. Then again I am shy and is a killer for a bloke.

Posted
Could try dancing but it has never worked for me. Then again I am shy and is a killer for a bloke.

 

I did go to a class once for the hell of it, but were mostly woman :rolleyes:

Posted

I think we need a pic or at least your measurements.

 

and no one thinks paris hilton is god's gift to anything.

Posted
I think we need a pic or at least your measurements.

 

and no one thinks paris hilton is god's gift to anything.

 

I agree with you there, if I were a man i would not be attracted to Paris.

 

Though having a pic or measurements is for what purpose?

Posted

29. Maybe it is the age thing, but it is getting old (haha), being alone. I dont know what to do either. I cant just say I dont care. I do go on with my life, and I feel it is very full. I am complimented frequently on personality and looks. I guess my dating skills suck. Maybe I am too desperate because I feel that damn clock ticking away. How do I become ok with being alone if that is not what I want?

 

You know what really sucks, there is a guy in my life that would be perfect for me, and he is very interested in me, so of course, I am not physically attracted to him. Any way to fix that?

Posted
29. Maybe it is the age thing, but it is getting old (haha), being alone. I don't know what to do either. I cant just say I don't care. I do go on with my life, and I feel it is very full. I am complimented frequently on personality and looks. I guess my dating skills suck. Maybe I am too desperate because I feel that damn clock ticking away. How do I become ok with being alone if that is not what I want?

 

You know what really sucks, there is a guy in my life that would be perfect for me, and he is very interested in me, so of course, I am not physically attracted to him. Any way to fix that?

 

In what ways is he perfect for you? I have fallen for someone that I wasn't attracted to, after I got to know him and fell in love I looked at him differently. Though he left me 3 weeks before we were to be married so not sure if you should listen to me.

 

But you are right, I feel the same way. My life is full, work, play, family. Would like to meet some new friends because I just moved but I am happy and content. Just that part is missing and I can't turn off wanting that part that is missing. I'm not actively looking but can't help wanting. I can't say that I don't get asked out, just not with guys that are"quality". (don't take that as me being picky, I am very open minded. I mean when I guy asks a few time if I live alone and if he can come over, or sends a instant message and his spelling is so bad I can't understand what he is saying :eek: )

Posted

He is perfect for me in that on every level other than me being attracted to him physically, we just click in the way that I want to click with the man I marry. It's so damn depressing. He kind of reminds me of my first bf, physically, so Im not sure if thats the problem. Part of me wants to kiss him and see what it feels like, but I think thats a bit unfair to him.

Posted
He is perfect for me in that on every level other than me being attracted to him physically, we just click in the way that I want to click with the man I marry. It's so damn depressing. He kind of reminds me of my first bf, physically, so Im not sure if thats the problem. Part of me wants to kiss him and see what it feels like, but I think thats a bit unfair to him.

 

The fact that he remind you physically of your first may be part of the problem.

 

Can you put the one thing out of your mind and think about the every other level? I don't think it's possible to find someone who hits every level perfectly. I'm sure that once you give it a chance to explore the possibility that you will look at him differently.

Posted

Well, id really like to, but the thing is, towards the end of the other relationship I was actually turned off physically by my boyfriend. I cannot seem to forget that. I dunno, is it out of the question for me to do a exploratory kiss?

Posted
Well, id really like to, but the thing is, towards the end of the other relationship I was actually turned off physically by my boyfriend. I cannot seem to forget that. I dunno, is it out of the question for me to do a exploratory kiss?

 

Well if would be kinda strange to walk up to him and plant a kiss on him! LOL

 

I think you would have to give him (all of him) a chance, see if everything else that you think is perfect for you about his is real including finding out if the kiss is electric! hee hee

Posted

soulseeker, if you haven't even kissed him, I wouldn't keep working on this. If the physical chemistry isn't there when things are new and exciting, I doubt it will grow over time. It sounds like he'd make a great friend.

Posted
soulseeker, if you haven't even kissed him, I wouldn't keep working on this. If the physical chemistry isn't there when things are new and exciting, I doubt it will grow over time. It sounds like he'd make a great friend.

 

I think it depends on:

 

If you have dating and have wanted to have a physical chemistry but there just isn't, which is why you haven't kissed.

 

Or

 

It's someone you know or a friend who you are curious about but you have never explored anything more than friends with him.

 

If it's the second then I think there is a good possiblility.

Posted

So you're discussing moving someone from the friends category to the interest category.

 

I'll give you my view on friends vs lovers.

 

I have two category of male friends.

 

My close male friends who I have zero interest in. We are like siblings, including their SO's. We do not flirt.

 

My male friends who are always single, might or might not be a consideration for future...BUT...they have to get the spark going first. If the spark isn't there, it's not going to happen. Most of these guys remain in the friends' category for whatever reason.

Posted

There have been two distinct times that I have wanted to kiss him bc I was attracted to him. For one whole day, during which I was dating someone else that I was intensely attracted to, I just wanted to jump the guy I am talking about. Then one time we were playing guitar I just wanted to lean over and kiss him, but I didnt. Again, I was still seeing this other guy. When he first told me he had a crush on me, I told him I did not feel the same way. He then said that we could not be friends. I was DEVASTATED by this, I mean, I could not sleep. Other times, there is no attraction at all.

 

I want him to be the one, I feel like he should be.

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