popperstrike Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I've been going out with this girl(In college) for about 8- 9 months now and I recently broke up with her (about 1.5 months ago). The reasoning behind was that she didnt give me too much space (didn't really want to hang out with my guy or girl friends---she wanted all the attention) and also we got into random arguements and fights at least once a week. During our relationship she told me that she loved me alot but I only said it a few times because I think there is more to the word "love" that the average person. But anyways, after our breakup, she would call me everyday and cry to me and beg me to get back with her. I told her that I was sorry but I just want some personal space for now and that maybe in the fall (when we go back on campus) if we were both ready, we could resume our relationship, but I told her not to wait. But about 3 days ago, my friend told me she was in a relationship with a new guy since 4 days ago--and she only knew the guy for fxcking 3 weeks.[Another thing that bothered me was that my 'ex'gf didnt even tell me abou this herself! (also this guy is 5 years older (24) than her and he is also a only freshman in college.) I don't know what's wrong with me but all of a sudden I am really jealous and I want her back now. I regret breaking up with her and I want her to take me back as her boyfriend. In some respects, I feel like I have been 'betrayed' by her, but I was the one to end the relationship. I feel like beating the **** out of this kid but I cant blame her. But I still cant believe how fast she got into a new relatioship like that....I dont know I've been really stressed these past few days and I have been in a very aggressive mood...can you guys help me?
Curious139 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Your experience rings a very real bell with me - I've done a very similar thing and experienced the jealousy feelings. I completely understand how you feel - the confusion of not committing and then discovering you have lost your love. It is heartbreaking. Do a bit of research on jealousy. It derives from our wish to own and possess things/people. It is a common emotion but harmful and you need to rationalise it. No one can own another person. It is very hard to accept it when they find someone else but it happens...... I know it isn't much comfort but you too will find someone. Keep busy, mix with friends, don't go begging her to come back. All that will do is reduce your self respect. No Contact is the best solution. Allow your self to heal.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Don't feel alone because many guys feel territorial over their exes, once they find out they're with someone else. I think it must be a testosterone based/instinctual reaction of "what's mine is mine, even if I didn't appreciate you when I had you". I've never looked back and regretted a breakup or my divorce. There's serious reasons why they are exes. I think this might be a female thing where the concept ferments for a long time before the actual event.
Author popperstrike Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 yeah..it's so hard because I feel like that guy, according to the way she describes him, is a scumbag ...I feel like she deserves better
Citizen Erased Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 yeah..it's so hard because I feel like that guy, according to the way she describes him, is a scumbag ...I feel like she deserves better That's for her to decide. You broke up with her and only regret it now because she has moved on. Even if you got back with her, the same issues are still there and you will most probably dump her again. Leave her alone.
Author popperstrike Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 Don't feel alone because many guys feel territorial over their exes, once they find out they're with someone else. I think it must be a testosterone based/instinctual reaction of "what's mine is mine, even if I didn't appreciate you when I had you". I've never looked back and regretted a breakup or my divorce. There's serious reasons why they are exes. I think this might be a female thing where the concept ferments for a long time before the actual event. yeah, I guess this makes sense. territorial..eh? do I just wait this off?
Curious139 Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 yeah, I guess this makes sense. territorial..eh? do I just wait this off? Yes I think you have to. It will be hard for a while but gets better.
Trialbyfire Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 yeah, I guess this makes sense. territorial..eh? do I just wait this off? I would wait awhile to see if this "urge" goes down. If it doesn't, for her sake, make sure you want her back because you care for her and not just for your ego's sake. Also, someone who monopolized your time after 8 or 9 months has attention needs that once again, you won't be able to handle. Think hard about how smothered you felt before breaking up.
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