Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 The OW doesn't always have a bad experience... It could be great in fact. From what I read, you are married yourself and all you want is some fun on the side... I see nothing wrong with that. I also got a feeling that you quite know what you're getting into and you are willing to take this chance. Never mind people who say to go for single guys... you don't want them...you want HIM and he happens to be married. If he was single, you'd go for him just the same... I am seeing a guy from work... just for sex and it's great.. I am not in love with him at all... all I want is some fun once in a while and I guess he wants the same eventhough I feel he likes me more than I like him... anyway... ONLY YOU KNOW what you're getting into. Just be careful and have fun.
OpenBook Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 The OW doesn't always have a bad experience... It could be great in fact. From what I read, you are married yourself and all you want is some fun on the side... I see nothing wrong with that. I also got a feeling that you quite know what you're getting into and you are willing to take this chance. Never mind people who say to go for single guys... you don't want them...you want HIM and he happens to be married. If he was single, you'd go for him just the same... I am seeing a guy from work... just for sex and it's great.. I am not in love with him at all... all I want is some fun once in a while and I guess he wants the same eventhough I feel he likes me more than I like him... anyway... ONLY YOU KNOW what you're getting into. Just be careful and have fun. Lizzie, I agree with you completely on the last sentence. But I wouldn't be able to pull off the other stuff you describe. Of course, I can only speak for myself here... but in order to just enjoy sex like you do, I would have to be somewhat ruthless and hardhearted towards men. It's just not in me. And also, I would feel somewhat INVADED with all that activity with multiple partners. IMO you're not the typical woman in that respect. You are somehow able to resist getting "sucked in" & getting your emotions involved with your lovers. It's not so easy for the majority of women out there.
frannie Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 The OW doesn't always have a bad experience... It could be great in fact. From what I read, you are married yourself and all you want is some fun on the side... I see nothing wrong with that. I also got a feeling that you quite know what you're getting into and you are willing to take this chance. No, she's just got divorced.
pricillia Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I agree with Lizzie in the regard that not all OW experiences are bad, you can learn a lot about yourself in the process, but it all depends why you are in the relationship in the first place. I just find it difficult to put yourself in a situation where it is just for sex. There has to be more to it than that, despite what we say.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lizzie, I agree with you completely on the last sentence. But I wouldn't be able to pull off the other stuff you describe. Of course, I can only speak for myself here... but in order to just enjoy sex like you do, I would have to be somewhat ruthless and hardhearted towards men. It's just not in me. And also, I would feel somewhat INVADED with all that activity with multiple partners. IMO you're not the typical woman in that respect. You are somehow able to resist getting "sucked in" & getting your emotions involved with your lovers. It's not so easy for the majority of women out there. IMO you're not the typical woman in that respect. Ha-hem... I don't agree.. I am exactly like the typical woman (OW) with this manager at work... He has absolutely NO idea what's going on in my life... I like him a lot but I know I don't want him full time and on a long term basis. You are somehow able to resist getting "sucked in" & getting your emotions involved with your lovers. It's not so easy for the majority of women out there. Yes I know it might not easy for most women... but I'm sure there are women out there who wants to stay either single and free or remain married for X reasons... and only wants to have an A on the side for the excitement... just like men. Men don't always get involved emotionally, in fact, most don't fall in love with their OW.. so I don't see why women are any different...
frannie Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lizzie I don't think anyone's saying it's impossible not to fall in love with MM. It's absolutely possible if sex with no strings is what you want, and all you will want. Or even, as you say, for two married people to find part-time love 'on the side'. But miss B has just got out of a marriage. What she wants (or rather doesn't need or want) right now may well change down the line. Her situation isn't necessarily static, like yours.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lizzie I don't think anyone's saying it's impossible not to fall in love with MM. It's absolutely possible if sex with no strings is what you want, and all you will want. Or even, as you say, for two married people to find part-time love 'on the side'. But miss B has just got out of a marriage. What she wants (or rather doesn't need or want) right now may well change down the line. Her situation isn't necessarily static, like yours. This is all speculation... How do we know if whatever she wants or need will change down the line??? Do you know her? I only post from what I feel from her post... I feel that she has already started this A, since they already talked about a few points (from the OW manifesto)... I have a feeling it's already started..and even if we say to run, to scream, to jump... she will end up with this guy no matter what... So I only tell her what my opinion is.... she can take it or leave it... simple... just like all the other advices she gets from a forum like this.
pricillia Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lizzie, I think men do get involved emotionally
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lizzie, I think men do get involved emotionally I happen to think that most don't. Some do, for sure...but in general, they don't leave their family and kids... they know, from the start that they won't so they don't get involved as much as the woman does. For some reason I am convinced that men can separate sex and love.
pricillia Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I happen to think that most don't. Some do, for sure...but in general, they don't leave their family and kids... they know, from the start that they won't so they don't get involved as much as the woman does. For some reason I am convinced that men can separate sex and love. I just would not want to continue to be used by a man for that reason, when you know that infact that is the only reason then it is time to move on. and that goes for any relationship!
Woggle Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Cheating men for the most part know what they are getting into and stick to it. They know it just a side dish though there have been a few posts from men dating married women that get their hearts broken when it blows up in their face. Men do become attached but they don't usually change what their original intent was. If a man goes into it expecting a relationship that is what he will stick to and if a man goes into it expecting some side action that is what he will stick to while many women try to have a no strngs attached affair and quickly fall for a player's charms. These players sure know how to get these women hooked.
Trialbyfire Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I happen to think that most don't. Some do, for sure...but in general, they don't leave their family and kids... they know, from the start that they won't so they don't get involved as much as the woman does. For some reason I am convinced that men can separate sex and love. This is one of the few times I completely agree with your assessment. Men can separate sex and love, many quite easily. If you think about how the average man goes on a hormonal rampage in his teens and twenties, some even into their thirties, without needing the emotional aspect, it speaks for itself. As for the OP, in this most vulnerable period with her divorce finalized, this is prime time for her to fall for someone without meaning to, especially if the MM is an excellent manipulator and makes her feel special and desireable. If you review her reasons for her divorce, you can imagine how easy it would be for the MM to do this. OP, stay away. You are headed for disaster. Think about your little girl and how much you should be putting into her, instead of thinking with your...other brain.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 For some reason I am convinced that men can separate sex and love.I totally agree with this statement. And to the original poster, if all you're looking to do is have casual sex, there are PLENTY of single men out there only TOO HAPPY to fill the bill. You need to look past your own nose and recognize the fact that your actions with a MM definitely WILL impact others, and not in a good way. I didn't do that when I was an OW. It was all about ME and screw anyone who I stepped on along the way. I'm embarrassed to admit I was like that in my past. Aim higher.
Author Miss B Posted August 20, 2007 Author Posted August 20, 2007 I only post from what I feel from her post... I feel that she has already started this A, since they already talked about a few points (from the OW manifesto)... I have a feeling it's already started..and even if we say to run, to scream, to jump... she will end up with this guy no matter what... FYI, it's currently only an EA, however we are both very conscious of the attraction and discuss it freely. A few key points: 1. YES - I agree that he is somebody that I would completely date, if we had met in another lifetime. He is NOT somebody that I would marry - duh, he's willing to screw around on his wife! Who wants to keep that guy forever!! 2. YES - I'm freshly divorced, but I'm not the trainwreck that most women are at this point in their lives. I can finally breathe for the first time in years. I'm actually doing very well. 3. NO - this man will never be around my child - I wouldn't have that. There will be no explaining to do to her. 4. YES - I'm aware that this will very likely burn out very quickly. 5. YES - MM is struggling a bit with this, too. It would be his first (but I don't expect his last) A. Honestly, I'm afraid if I helped him cross the line, he'd find himself crossing it again and again and again. So, moral or not, I can't help but think that this would be a fun way to amuse myself temporarily while adjusting to my new life, new home, new city, etc. Being new in town, I literally would have to go find a stranger and take him home to cure my current physical need. I'm NOT ready for that, MM is not a stranger and we've had a working relationship and friendship for 5+ years. There is no threat of pregnancy, disease, etc. PLUS - he doesn't want to be my baby's daddy, he cannot sleep over, I don't have to carve out date nights when I could be doing my own thing, etc. My ultimate concerns are the ones that many of you have voiced, that this will drag on and I'll become attached, that his wife will find out and I'll be "outed" to his parents (who I know and respect) and business associates. I feel like my eyes are fully open to the dangers, my hope is that if I can master them in advance, I could really have some fun here! Having said that, I think I will delay this decision a little further. What's the rush, right? You're comments and advice have been amazing! God, I love women!
GreenEyedLady Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 What advice can you give for someone who is about to go there...I want to establish an appropriate pattern of behavior for this relationship and avoid some of those mistakes that experienced OW wish that they had avoided early on. BTW, I LOVED the manifesto. MM and I have already discussed some of these issues!!! Also, can you tell me, truly, is it worth it? I've been divorced for about 48 hours (totally unrelated to MM) and haven't had sex in over 2 years. Would you recommend that I run screaming from this whole scenario and just try getting laid, first? Lay it on me... What you've written here is pretty degrading to yourself...The manifesto was just sad and disrespectful... If I were in your shoes (which I have been but that's another story) I would find a single guy to explore your newfound singledom with...You're going through a d and that's going to be emotionally draining...A's are also emotionally draining...plus, lots more crap to deal with in the event of discovery... My R is very worth it, but it is not anything like you probably imagine...And it has been alot of work and taken a long time to get this far...But we also LOVE each other and you're not describing that... You talk as if you are looking for a FWB's and they're not hard to find...I wouldn't go there if I were you, but I'm not you...and I know you're probably thinking that I did go there...well, true, just that I went there unknowingly... If you're set on the course of action, guard your heart...
norajane Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 This statement: So, moral or not, I can't help but think that this would be a fun way to amuse myself temporarily while adjusting to my new life, new home, new city, etc. Being new in town, I literally would have to go find a stranger and take him home to cure my current physical need. points out the LIE in this one: God, I love women! Sleeping with another woman's husband isn't exactly a loving act toward another woman, is it? A fun way to amuse yourself? You can't do better than this?
Woggle Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 This is like seeing a trainwreck before it happens.
justice Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 So, moral or not, I can't help but think that this would be a fun way to amuse myself temporarily while adjusting to my new life, new home, new city, etc. Being new in town, I literally would have to go find a stranger and take him home to cure my current physical need. I'm NOT ready for that, MM is not a stranger and we've had a working relationship and friendship for 5+ years. There is no threat of pregnancy, disease, etc. PLUS - he doesn't want to be my baby's daddy, he cannot sleep over, I don't have to carve out date nights when I could be doing my own thing, etc. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be nasty here but I feel this needs to be said. No, it isn't moral. Fun? Amusement? Not hardly. I'd hate to think his wife would be amused to find out that her husband was involved with another woman. He made his vows to her, and that meant in every sense of the commitment. So what is fun and amusing for you, could very well in the wife's eyes be devastating and extremely painful. How would you feel if it was being done to you, and you were in the wife's position, try to see things from her point of view. It isn't harmless fun, you are playing with someone else's life and yet you are seeing it as fun??????
frannie Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 This is all speculation... How do we know if whatever she wants or need will change down the line??? Do you know her? I only post from what I feel from her post... I feel that she has already started this A... No, I don't know her, of course. I'm just going on what she has posted. And I did at least notice that she was divorced, not married and looking for fun on the side. In addition, I didn't say her needs or wants will change, I said they may do, and that is something to take into consideration. Another thing to take into consideration is that if you're looking for a FB, a MM isn't a great idea. They're not available at your beck and call, and can't really reciprocate. When you're feeling horny, they quite often have family business.
NoIDidn't Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Can't you all see that MissB has already made her decision and is just looking for rubber stamp approval from folks that she doesn't think have the right to judge her decision?
Lizzie60 Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 No, I don't know her, of course. I'm just going on what she has posted. And I did at least notice that she was divorced, not married and looking for fun on the side. In addition, I didn't say her needs or wants will change, I said they may do, and that is something to take into consideration. Another thing to take into consideration is that if you're looking for a FB, a MM isn't a great idea. They're not available at your beck and call, and can't really reciprocate. When you're feeling horny, they quite often have family business. Let me tell you something... If you call or text your MM and tell him you're horny... chances are he will do everything possible to get to you... in a very short time...
frannie Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Let me tell you something... If you call or text your MM and tell him you're horny... chances are he will do everything possible to get to you... in a very short time... He's already here all the free time he has, believe me
Author Miss B Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 What advice can you give for someone who is about to go there...I want to establish an appropriate pattern of behavior for this relationship and avoid some of those mistakes that experienced OW wish that they had avoided early on. BTW, I LOVED the manifesto. MM and I have already discussed some of these issues!!! Lay it on me... Make no mistake - I'm not here for approval! If I were looking for "approval" , do you really think I would get involved with a MM? My original question was how to avoid some of the pitfalls that some OW have experienced and wish they had seen coming. Lizzie, now she has been helpful. Many of the BW are just here complaining, wondering why their man strayed...hmmm... get off the computer and work on your marriage. I've even noticed a few BOW crying out how their relationship is "different" - like nobody else could possibly understand the amazing connection they have with their MM, blah, blah, blah. There is no justification for a relationship with a MM - so quit lying to yourself about it. At least I'm not wearing blinders... Thanks for the tips on how to protect myself from some of the dangers that are often overlooked in the beginning stages of a relationship. These things happen and I appreciate those of you who were seriously trying to give me a heads up to issues that I hadn't already thought of. Bye, Bye! Miss B
whichwayisup Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Many of the BW are just here complaining, wondering why their man strayed...hmmm... get off the computer and work on your marriage Oh yes. Once again it's the "It's the wife's fault the husband cheated" syndrome. Yeah, ALL wives hold GUNS to their H's head and say "Hey Honey! No no no, we don't have to talk about any problems in the marriage, really! It's OK - Please, don't let me know why you're unhappy...Pretend all is fine and dandy! Definately go and cheat on me. Here, let me rent a hotel room so you and the OW can f**k in our bed!" ByeBye B. Enjoy being the OW.
luvmy2ns Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Oh yes. Once again it's the "It's the wife's fault the husband cheated" syndrome. Yeah, ALL wives hold GUNS to their H's head and say "Hey Honey! No no no, we don't have to talk about any problems in the marriage, really! It's OK - Please, don't let me know why you're unhappy...Pretend all is fine and dandy! Definately go and cheat on me. Here, let me rent a hotel room so you and the OW can f**k in our bed!" ByeBye B. Enjoy being the OW. LMFAOROF!!!
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