Very depressed today

[uniqueone]

I posted about this in "Dating" but think I'd rather post about it here.

 

I'm really bummed out today. I never heard from the guy who supposedly wanted to meet me....the one who is a friend of my friends.

 

I finally have a chance to meet a decent guy and one who's got it together and it turns into nothing. (I've had guys who've had it together but they weren't very decent guys.)

 

This leaves me to going back on the personals again where I just meet jerks and losers and that's why I'm depressed.

 

I've been trying to take my mind off of the last person who treated me pretty crummy at times....but who I still miss (because we really clicked). It ended a few months ago. I was abandoned by him in a somewhat remote tourist area, several thousands of miles away from home. Real nice, huh? He even took the rental car with him leaving me to walk around which made me end up with huge blisters.

 

When I heard about my friends friend who's smart,very successful, supposedly attractive and that he was interested in meeting me, it really picked me up. And it turned into nothing.

 

So now I feel even worse than before....getting to go back to loserland.

I made my profile on the personals visible last night for the first time in awhile and just got two replies. What good is someone who winks at me and has no picture? This is about all I'm getting. I used to get a lot of responses--not that any of them were ever great, but now it's just a trickle.

 

I wish my friend had never told me about his friend. He says maybe the guy is having trouble getting over his GF. Sure...and once he does, he'll run into women and be dating them. There goes my opportunity....and it doesn't seem like I get many....not with decent ones anyway.

 

What a depressing day this turned out to be.

[cr8sea]

Why do you need a guy?

 

Sounds to me you dont feel too good about yourself right now...which is the worst possible way to meet someone. When we're feeling so low we take whatever lands into our laps without really being discriminating.

 

I know a lot of people cant do this, but i suggest try to stop the whole dating, finding someone, thing for a bit. Try to take care of yourself, make yourself happy without the need of someone else there, because at the end of the day the only person whom you can always count on is you. Noone else can make you happy, or keep you entertained for life.

Once you're feeling happy being on your own, then its time to put yourself out there so someone who is worth it finds YOU, someone who's as put together as yourself so you both can share your happy lives....

 

SOunds cheesy....but honestly ive realized its the best bet to avoid meeting too many frogs....

 

Good luck

[johan]

You're being hard on yourself for some reason, uniqueone. Things will fall into place. The guy who never called has no idea who it is he isn't calling.

[uniqueone]

Why do you need a guy?

 

Sounds to me you dont feel too good about yourself right now...which is the worst possible way to meet someone. When we're feeling so low we take whatever lands into our laps without really being discriminating.

 

I know a lot of people cant do this, but i suggest try to stop the whole dating, finding someone, thing for a bit. Try to take care of yourself, make yourself happy without the need of someone else there, because at the end of the day the only person whom you can always count on is you. Noone else can make you happy, or keep you entertained for life.

Once you're feeling happy being on your own, then its time to put yourself out there so someone who is worth it finds YOU, someone who's as put together as yourself so you both can share your happy lives....

 

SOunds cheesy....but honestly ive realized its the best bet to avoid meeting too many frogs....

 

Good luck

 

Actually I've been without a partner the majority of my life so you might be reading me wrong. And I don't have to have a man but it would be nice to have companionship right now.

[uniqueone]

You're being hard on yourself for some reason, uniqueone. Things will fall into place. The guy who never called has no idea who it is he isn't calling.

 

 

Thanks Johan, I appreciate your support. I just wish I had a chance at something for once. I've had a lot of bad experiences in my life....two just this year. It was a nice thought that I was finally going to get a chance at something better. Looks like I'm not though.

[madgun68]

I agree with Johan. It isn't the fault of the fish if the fisherman throws back the best of the catch. (Sorry.. Kind of lame sounding, but hopefully you'll pick up on what I mean.)

 

Better to be upbeat thinking that the super guy is right around the corner rather than thinking all that is left is the bottom feeders, isn't it?

 

Anyway.. Have some faith and some patience (which I'm trying to practice as well. )

[uniqueone]

I agree with Johan. It isn't the fault of the fish if the fisherman throws back the best of the catch. (Sorry.. Kind of lame sounding, but hopefully you'll pick up on what I mean.)

 

Better to be upbeat thinking that the super guy is right around the corner rather than thinking all that is left is the bottom feeders, isn't it?

 

Anyway.. Have some faith and some patience (which I'm trying to practice as well. )

 

I see what you're saying...and thanks. Thing is, I've been doing this for awhile and pretty much the only opportunities I've had is through the personals. And looking back over my experiences, I see that it's been jerks and losers. So that's what I have to go back to I guess.

 

Plus my area doesn't seem to have a lot of the type of men that I'm looking for so there aren't many to pick from---or for them to pick rather.

 

And I think I mentioned the neighborhood I live in too (I think I did). When I was doing some shopping the other day in this other neighborhood, I thought how great it'd be to live there because I saw a lot of attractive, clean cut men around there and how it'd be nice to have the possibility of encountering them in my day to day actiivities. And how the neighborhood where I live is well....not those types of guys. So that made me depressed thinking about how I can't even live in a better neighborhood to be around a better class of people. And that started the ball rolling on "if I was more successful......"

[Yamaha]

I see what you're saying...and thanks. Thing is, I've been doing this for awhile and pretty much the only opportunities I've had is through the personals. And looking back over my experiences, I see that it's been jerks and losers. So that's what I have to go back to I guess.

 

Plus my area doesn't seem to have a lot of the type of men that I'm looking for so there aren't many to pick from---or for them to pick rather.

 

And I think I mentioned the neighborhood I live in too (I think I did). When I was doing some shopping the other day in this other neighborhood, I thought how great it'd be to live there because I saw a lot of attractive, clean cut men around there and how it'd be nice to have the possibility of encountering them in my day to day activities. And how the neighborhood where I live is well....not those types of guys. So that made me depressed thinking about how I can't even live in a better neighborhood to be around a better class of people. And that started the ball rolling on "if I was more successful......"

 

So why can't you shop in that neighborhood? If you see guys that you are interested in it makes since to maximize your possibilities by hanging out and giving them an opportunity to meet you.

[madgun68]

I see what you're saying...and thanks. Thing is, I've been doing this for awhile and pretty much the only opportunities I've had is through the personals. And looking back over my experiences, I see that it's been jerks and losers. So that's what I have to go back to I guess.

They sure don't make this easy, do they?

 

I remember asking a friend of mine a while back where he thought would be good places to meet women. He listed off a lot of places (sporting events, bars, etc) but most everyone I know hasn't met their S.O. that way.

 

Unless I'm forgetting someone, they've all met at some kind of reoccuring social gathering of some sort or another. Places like work or school. Some place where you're around the same people often. Makes sense to me too, as this gives a person an opportunity to really get to know someone before you even go out for the first time.

 

I'm pretty dead set against things like the personals or anything internet related. For the most part, the people using them (speaking generally here, as there are always exceptions) seem to be.. I guess not themselves. They act/seem different than what you'd find if you met them physically.

 

Plus my area doesn't seem to have a lot of the type of men that I'm looking for so there aren't many to pick from---or for them to pick rather.

I don't know your area, but sometimes what you see isn't an accurate portrait of the actual person.

 

I work as a clerk in a busy convenience store. I used to label a lot of the repeat customers in less than attractive terms. I didn't know them. It was just easy to label them as such due to various job frustrations (I.E. someone's getting the blame and it wasn't going to be me.)

 

As an example.. One of the regulars that comes in, the first time I see him (if he comes in more than once per day) is dirty.. hair is a mess. Heck, if you didn't know better you might think he's homeless or something. He works on semi's all day and stops by on his way home from work. Nice guy too..

 

Anyway, I'm not saying scrape the crust off someone and see what you find.. Not even sure where I was going with this (LOL) I guess I'm just saying don't make up your mind about someone from a first impression.

 

And I think I mentioned the neighborhood I live in too (I think I did). When I was doing some shopping the other day in this other neighborhood, I thought how great it'd be to live there because I saw a lot of attractive, clean cut men around there and how it'd be nice to have the possibility of encountering them in my day to day actiivities. And how the neighborhood where I live is well....not those types of guys. So that made me depressed thinking about how I can't even live in a better neighborhood to be around a better class of people. And that started the ball rolling on "if I was more successful......"

Ease up on yourself. Suppose you were more successful.. and lived in a "better neighborhood." Doesn't mean the people there are any better relationship material.

 

If anything, those people probably have their share of problems too.. Just not the same problems, you know? Don't have any good examples I can think of, but just look at the tabloids or read the news.. Look at how many stars and wealthy people are suffering from failed marriages/relationships just like we are. Sure, we don't share the same difficulties, but they have problems too.

 

Hmm. I think the ship is veering off course, captain! I think that's a good sign I need some sleep!

 

Hopefully your spirits are lifted today!

[frd150]

Hey Unique,

 

Hope your doin bettter today.

 

 

There has been some great advice given thus far so I will simply say this.

 

I can relate to your frustration. What I did is sit back and think about my good relationships and how I met them. You know what none of them took effort,they just happened naturally. So now im not trying real hard.There are some prospects now but ive decided to just live and be me. Make sence? It savs the frustration. Remember also that you may have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. So dont be so hard on yourself,it will be fine.

 

 

 

Been riding much? Its been friggen hot here,even at the coast.Ive been in the gym alot more but thats getting boring. well,have a better sunday.Hugs.

 

 

:):):D:D

[uniqueone]

So why can't you shop in that neighborhood? If you see guys that you are interested in it makes since to maximize your possibilities by hanging out and giving them an opportunity to meet you.

 

I would say that you'd pretty much have to become a regular in an area before you'd start running into the same people. That area is about 40 mins. away from where I live, so it wouldn't really be an option, esp. with gas prices.

What I mean is if you live out there, then after work you can run errands, go workout, maybe run stop for something to eat, then go home.

 

In my situation, I had to go to a specific store out that way, so after work, I drove out there to run the errands, that put me into more traffic trying to get back home (which I was now even further away from), then back to my neighborhood to workout, etc..... It would involve basically transplanting everything to another area, not just doing some shopping there.

[uniqueone]

Unless I'm forgetting someone, they've all met at some kind of reoccuring social gathering of some sort or another. Places like work or school. Some place where you're around the same people often. Makes sense to me too, as this gives a person an opportunity to really get to know someone before you even go out for the first time.

 

Well I won't do the work thing and besides, there's no one there anyway. And there's no school. Oh and I didn't even get any new personals hits today. Might as well take it off again.

 

I don't know your area, but sometimes what you see isn't an accurate portrait of the actual person.

 

I work as a clerk in a busy convenience store. I used to label a lot of the repeat customers in less than attractive terms. I didn't know them. It was just easy to label them as such due to various job frustrations (I.E. someone's getting the blame and it wasn't going to be me.)

 

As an example.. One of the regulars that comes in, the first time I see him (if he comes in more than once per day) is dirty.. hair is a mess. Heck, if you didn't know better you might think he's homeless or something. He works on semi's all day and stops by on his way home from work. Nice guy too..

 

Anyway, I'm not saying scrape the crust off someone and see what you find.. Not even sure where I was going with this (LOL) I guess I'm just saying don't make up your mind about someone from a first impression.

 

I'm afraid that if I describe the type that I live around that I'm not interested in, I might offend some people here. So let's just say that I go for the educated, clean-cut professional types.

 

Ease up on yourself. Suppose you were more successful.. and lived in a "better neighborhood." Doesn't mean the people there are any better relationship material.

 

If anything, those people probably have their share of problems too.. Just not the same problems, you know? Don't have any good examples I can think of, but just look at the tabloids or read the news.. Look at how many stars and wealthy people are suffering from failed marriages/relationships just like we are. Sure, we don't share the same difficulties, but they have problems too.

 

 

Sure, they might have problems but I'd rather be them with problems than me with problems.

As far as being hard on myself....I've dated guys who told me I wasn't very successful.

 

Hopefully your spirits are lifted today!

 

I wish I could say that was the case. Woke up at a decent hour and decided might as well stay in bed....woke up again at noon.

[uniqueone]

Hey Unique,

 

Hope your doin bettter today.

 

 

There has been some great advice given thus far so I will simply say this.

 

I can relate to your frustration. What I did is sit back and think about my good relationships and how I met them. You know what none of them took effort,they just happened naturally. So now im not trying real hard.There are some prospects now but ive decided to just live and be me. Make sence? It savs the frustration. Remember also that you may have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince. So dont be so hard on yourself,it will be fine.

 

 

 

Been riding much? Its been friggen hot here,even at the coast.Ive been in the gym alot more but thats getting boring. well,have a better sunday.Hugs.

 

 

:):):D:D

 

Hi...no, not doing better today, I'm afraid.

 

You say your relationships happen naturally. That's true with some people...especially extroverts who socialize a lot. It also happens with those who are younger (I know that doesn't apply to you but the first part does). It also happens if you're the type to click easily with people.

 

I don't fit any of those.

 

And I'm not even getting hits on the personals now.

[funkybassplayer]

Sure, they might have problems but I'd rather be them with problems than me with problems.

As far as being hard on myself....I've dated guys who told me I wasn't very successful.

 

Quote

 

Is that the succesful educated guys that say this?? well im rough round the edges, and id never say that to a woman!! so just cos someone dont wear a suite, dont mean their not nice people.

[madgun68]

Well I won't do the work thing and besides, there's no one there anyway. And there's no school. Oh and I didn't even get any new personals hits today. Might as well take it off again.

 

Sorry UO. I'd offer a hug, but my arms don't reach very far.

 

I'm afraid that if I describe the type that I live around that I'm not interested in, I might offend some people here. So let's just say that I go for the educated, clean-cut professional types.

Nothing wrong with that.

 

Sure, they might have problems but I'd rather be them with problems than me with problems.

Well, what I was trying to get at is that being more successful in a career doesn't mean they're likely to make better partners.

 

As far as being hard on myself....I've dated guys who told me I wasn't very successful.

Well, to be honest, anyone who'd say something like that is an a**h***. That's just my opinion though.

 

People might even think that about me.. I'm 38.. And as I mentioned, I work as a convenience store clerk. But they don't know me or know why I work where I do. They don't look at me and think 'Wow. There's a caring, decent guy who left a good paying job to take care of his father when he was ill and needed constant supervision.' They wouldn't also realise that when my father passed on, a few years later, that NO ONE wanted to hire me because of the gap in my work history.

 

Sorry.. I know this isn't about me, but people that make comments like that really irritate me. Comments like that aren't said by someone who loves you.

 

I wish I could say that was the case. Woke up at a decent hour and decided might as well stay in bed....woke up again at noon.

Aww. Don't let this get to you.

 

It's a rainy day here. Kind of a nice change actually. Good day to sit home and watch a movie. (Which I'd likely do, but have to work.)

[uniqueone]

Sure, they might have problems but I'd rather be them with problems than me with problems.

As far as being hard on myself....I've dated guys who told me I wasn't very successful.

 

Quote

 

Is that the succesful educated guys that say this?? well im rough round the edges, and id never say that to a woman!! so just cos someone dont wear a suite, dont mean their not nice people.

 

 

Of course many who don't wear suits are nice people! But I think it takes more than "nice" to make compatibility. Most studies have shown that successful couples are of similar educational levels. I've dated all types and I'm just telling you what I feel comfortable with.

I'm guessing that the type that I'm looking for that is not a jerk are all taken. Then again, it sounds like my friends friend would have fit the picture but looks like that's gone.

[Ssheena]

Sorry you are having a bad time of things. You never know what would have happened with your friends friend so there really is no use thinking "what could have or might have been". I don't think you'd really want someone who was still hung up on their x. I wouldn't at least. Always worrying if the x was going to show up and try and take him back, always wondering if he/she was really with me because they wanted to be or just to fill the time.

 

Just tell yourself that you are feeling bad and it's ok. It's just a temporary thing (hopefully - if it goes on for more than a couple of weeks it could be depression).

 

Hugs!

[uniqueone]

Sorry you are having a bad time of things. You never know what would have happened with your friends friend so there really is no use thinking "what could have or might have been". I don't think you'd really want someone who was still hung up on their x. I wouldn't at least. Always worrying if the x was going to show up and try and take him back, always wondering if he/she was really with me because they wanted to be or just to fill the time.

 

Just tell yourself that you are feeling bad and it's ok. It's just a temporary thing (hopefully - if it goes on for more than a couple of weeks it could be depression).

 

Hugs!

 

 

Signed up for a week trial online and have been emailing some people. No one too exciting though. They're all so eager...and I'm not. Oh isn't this always how it starts? And then once I start liking someone, they change. Ok, at least with the types that I've been attracted to, that's been the case anyway.

 

So here these guys sending me messages want to talk on the phone after one email...and I don't yet. In a way I'm glad they push but in a way, I wish they'd slow down.

[johan]

Signed up for a week trial online and have been emailing some people. No one too exciting though. They're all so eager...and I'm not. Oh isn't this always how it starts? And then once I start liking someone, they change. Ok, at least with the types that I've been attracted to, that's been the case anyway.

 

What do you mean "they change". How do they change?

[uniqueone]

What do you mean "they change". How do they change?

 

 

The type I usually go for --after I end up liking them back---they back way, way off and act like it's totally normal and then wonder why you're acting like anything's wrong. It all changes from there.

[directx]

I thought this was about being depressed!

 

Freak'n Jen from Big Brother is on the block and will probably go!

 

Now I AM DEPRESSED!

[uniqueone]

I thought this was about being depressed!

 

Freak'n Jen from Big Brother is on the block and will probably go!

 

Now I AM DEPRESSED!

 

 

Huh???????

[Ssheena]

Back to topic. My friends keep trying to get me to do match.com or eharmony and I did eharmony but just couldn't get myself to make the next step. I don't want to do match.com cause you have to post a picture and I don't really like any of mine.

 

So, it's ok to be down. Jeez. I am. We can have a HUGE pity party and bitch and moan and be depressed together.

 

Is there anything holding you to where you live? Or could you move?

[uniqueone]

Back to topic. My friends keep trying to get me to do match.com or eharmony and I did eharmony but just couldn't get myself to make the next step. I don't want to do match.com cause you have to post a picture and I don't really like any of mine.

 

So, it's ok to be down. Jeez. I am. We can have a HUGE pity party and bitch and moan and be depressed together.

 

Is there anything holding you to where you live? Or could you move?

 

You don't have to post a pic to be on match.

 

No, nothing holding me to where I live--not much anyway. That's why I've been open to men who live outside of my state. Besides, I don't have much in common with most of the men in my area anyway.

[AriaIncognito]

I can relate to your frustration. What I did is sit back and think about my good relationships and how I met them. You know what none of them took effort,they just happened naturally.

 

You saying this has caused me to think about it too. And youre right. You NEVER meet someone when you are looking or desperate or unhappy.

 

My last ex i met as a fluke online. The one before him, I met at a social event for singles, but I was NOT looking to date just wanted to meet some new people. Matter of fact, he had to talk me into going out with him. Before him, I met a guy by being in a band with him (haha I know bad). before that was mostly college aged so through friends/class/etc.

 

I'd say your best bet, truly, is to get happy being on your own. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. It's why I'm trying to get involved in music again (something I love and a hobby that makes me feel great about myself). It's why I'm in a few singles groups and a few young professionals groups. I've met some nice people. No dating prospects yet, but you never know who you'll meet.

 

Good luck to you. I know it seems bleek, believe me, I do, I browse online dating sites and think "man, i'll never find someone" and I get depressed too and I wish I had someone liek my ex currently does, but well, at least I know when I get into something again, it will be for the right reasons, not cuz I have to go from one right to the other and not deal with my issues. You're going about it the right way. It'll happen, just give it time...