simplebear Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. for the first 3 years we had nothing but fun, going out, laughing, and goofing off. We even had plans to get married soon. But 5 years ago something changed him. His mother called him and told her he was dead to her and to never step foot on her doorstep. Respecting her wishes he never has. For the past 5 years i have tried to bend over backwards trying to make him happy again and back to his old self. He has recently told me that when she called him that day that everyting inside him just died and he would never get over it. I have tried to help him and suggested counceling and even gone myself to learn to cope with his depression. Our persoanl relationship is at halt for the past 5 years. We don't even sleep in the same room. He doesn't want to go get help. He doesn't want ANYONE to help him. He doesn't laugh and smile like he use to and he said he is just walking around waiting to die. How do you cope with someone that doesn't want to be helped? I would NEVER leave him so if you suggest that then it is falling on def ears. He has been there through all my depression states (I am bipolar) so i wouldn't leave him cuz of this. I just want to help him. Is there a way without letting him KNOW I am helping?
uniqueone Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. for the first 3 years we had nothing but fun, going out, laughing, and goofing off. We even had plans to get married soon. But 5 years ago something changed him. His mother called him and told her he was dead to her and to never step foot on her doorstep. Respecting her wishes he never has. For the past 5 years i have tried to bend over backwards trying to make him happy again and back to his old self. He has recently told me that when she called him that day that everyting inside him just died and he would never get over it. I have tried to help him and suggested counceling and even gone myself to learn to cope with his depression. Our persoanl relationship is at halt for the past 5 years. We don't even sleep in the same room. He doesn't want to go get help. He doesn't want ANYONE to help him. He doesn't laugh and smile like he use to and he said he is just walking around waiting to die. How do you cope with someone that doesn't want to be helped? I would NEVER leave him so if you suggest that then it is falling on def ears. He has been there through all my depression states (I am bipolar) so i wouldn't leave him cuz of this. I just want to help him. Is there a way without letting him KNOW I am helping? That is just horrible. If that happened to me, I'm sure I'd be acting just like he is. Can you get him to talk about what he thinks? How he feels? One way is to talk about experiences or feelings you've had that were similar and then ask him if he's ever felt that way too. Do you know how to ask questions like a counselor does to draw things out of people? Things like: That must make you feel pretty angry..... What do you think makes her act that way...... and if you get an "I dunno" to that, then: Do you think maybe she...... Also if you go to a counselor, mention how helpful he/she's been to you.
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