sb129 Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 I am impressed with the way you dealt with it. You talked about it without fighting, you didn't make all kinds of threats or try to force him to delete it, you simply let him know your feelings and left it at that. Well done! I guess now you are wondering what next? Leave it up to him for now. Your R sounds pretty good, and in your situation, I wouldn't consider the porn on his computer to be a dealbreaker. He may decide to delete it now that he knows your feelings, or he may not... what counts is he knows how you feel.
Author sveltskye Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 I am impressed with the way you dealt with it. You talked about it without fighting, you didn't make all kinds of threats or try to force him to delete it, you simply let him know your feelings and left it at that. Well done! I guess now you are wondering what next? Leave it up to him for now. Your R sounds pretty good, and in your situation, I wouldn't consider the porn on his computer to be a dealbreaker. He may decide to delete it now that he knows your feelings, or he may not... what counts is he knows how you feel. Thank you, sb. I was incredibly nervous to bring it up. It was kind of funny, during one point in the conversation, I was trying to explain something kind of adamently and I was like "I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting" and he was like "You're not overreacting. Overreacting would have been deleting all the files on my computer and smashing it".
Enema Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Hopefully he hides it well so this doesn't have to become a conversation again where he's made to feel guilty about his fantasies! Good luck!
lonelybird Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 HI, OP You dated him for 3 monthes and you know him well? I could be wrong. He maybe just got turned on by a little bit violence, maybe he was excited by tearing and vulnerable woman, maybe he was excited by the male strength to physically conquer a woman. no big deal according other posters, anyway porn is a trend in today's society. Maybe he is attracted to the new things, some porn watchers would escalate the degree of porn, go for more new things, go for more violent things, if one day they aren't satisfied by the screen, what would they do? anyway the base of the porn is for more newess, more diversity, more lust, more and more.... However, there are many people who recovered from porn addiction, they would tell you how much damage porn will cause them. I think you attitude to communicate with him this problem is right. however he only change his behaviour when he know that HE needs to. Porn is bondage. Many people who addicted to porn got set free by power of God I don't know you believe God or not, but God does exist, just like gravity exists, we all have to face God one day. this remind me a movie, nothing to do with your post, just want to ask other posters a question, in it some Germans are watching a tape documented a Jewish girl got raped by several Germans and after they raped her, they broken a bottle and put it into down there. these Germans who are watching this document are masturbating themselves. can you these posters who claim rape porn is no big deal explain why?
sb129 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Lonelybird, I know your intentions are good, but could you please leave the god talk for the Spirituality and religion forums? Your constant preaching may not be what the OP wants, if she wanted guidance regarding god, she would have posted in another section.
lonelybird Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Lonelybird, I know your intentions are good, but could you please leave the god talk for the Spirituality and religion forums? Your constant preaching may not be what the OP wants, if she wanted guidance regarding god, she would have posted in another section. God power works amazingly in my life and others life. prayers work supernaturally. one prayer can solve a difficult problem that we cannot image solve. how irresponsible to post like like that "rape porn is no big deal." I wonder what advice you would give to your own daughter?
Citizen Erased Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 God power works amazingly in my life and others life. prayers work supernaturally. one prayer can solve a difficult problem that we cannot image solve. how irresponsible to post like like that "rape porn is no big deal." I wonder what advice you would give to your own daughter? Learn better grammar maybe? Oh right thats just you
lonelybird Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Learn better grammar maybe? Oh right thats just you Oh, this is my third language, but you are right, I need to improve it
Citizen Erased Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Oh, this is my third language, but you are right, I need to improve it Sorry im in a pissy mood tonight, I shouldn't have said that
lonelybird Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 Sorry im in a pissy mood tonight, I shouldn't have said that It's ok
sb129 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 God power works amazingly in my life and others life. prayers work supernaturally. one prayer can solve a difficult problem that we cannot image solve. how irresponsible to post like like that "rape porn is no big deal." I wonder what advice you would give to your own daughter? Well as you know, I disagree strongly with the first statement, however this is not the time to debate that. Where did I say that "rape porn is no big deal"??? I have not once said that. However, in light of some of the other posters informative posts regarding this kind of porn, and hearing how the OP dealt with it and how her BF reacted, I think that in this instance the OP may have less to worry about than she initially thought. This does not mean I think rape porn is "no big deal". If sveltskye was my daughter, I would have given her the same advice, and been proud of her for dealing with the matter in a sensitive and mature manner. The case is not closed- it would depend on the BFs next moves as to how I would advise her from now on. As I have said to you many many times before, it is not a black and white, cut and dried issue. The world isn;t like that.
Lizzie60 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 huge fantasy with men... It made me think of one guy I met years ago.. in a big hotel in Ottawa, he was just here for the week... he was president of a publishing company.. opening another office in Ottawa, he had one in Montreal and Toronto... (magazines) ..anyway.. we had a drink...and what he wanted was to realize a fantasy... He would write a scenario, even to the smallest detail... dress, location, etc. What he wanted from me, that night, was to be part of his fantasy...he said he would write the script the next day, would ask me to get a dress (it had to be floral, light blue), get white sandals... then go in a rural road, he would drive by, I would be walking on the side of the road, then he would jump out of his car, tie me to a tree, rip my clothes, rape me... then put me in the trunk and drive me back to my car... He was offering a lot of money... but I decline... that was a little bit too much, I didn't have time to go shopping... LOL I thought he was a bit too freaky... We chatted for a few hours... he was really nice... told me about some orgies in different cities... And another time, I was seeing this guy whenever he was in town for work (he was a high rank officer in the Army).. he liked the lingerie and stuff... I would meet him in his hotel room... He once came to my house..anyway... I once told him I would like to 'role play' that he would rape me... The next time I was suppose to see him, he declined..saying he didn't know me well enough and he was scared I would call the cops or something.. What a twit! Anyway, I never saw him again... LOL It's got a lot to do about wild 'animal sex'... fun once in a while.
Fun2BMe Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 I would be scared to be alone wtih him. What if one day he suddenly acts out this fantasy of his and brutally rapes you? I wouldn't feel comfortable being with someone who gets off on such an act, it's kind of creepy. Just like if someone watches child porn and justifies it as only a fantasy. Many people think that's ok, but I have a problem with that and wouldn't want them to be around any children much less have one with him, and likewise I wouldn't want to be naked with a man knowing his fantasy of all the thousands of fettishes is to get off on watching women getting raped.
Lizzie60 Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 there is a HUGE difference between watching porn when adults are having sex and to watch children having sex... come on now. That would be sick... pedophiles watch children... as having a fantasy about raping a woman is waaaay different, and quite normal and common, IMO. I'm sure a lot of men or women have fantasized about raping or being raped when they had monkey sex... I'm sure a lot would say they have.
Fun2BMe Posted August 23, 2007 Posted August 23, 2007 there is a HUGE difference between watching porn when adults are having sex and to watch children having sex... come on now. That would be sick... pedophiles watch children... as having a fantasy about raping a woman is waaaay different, and quite normal and common, IMO. I wasn't comparing normal porn to child porn, I was comparing RAPE porn. Just like porn using girls who look, dress and act underage is legal and very common, I still wouldn't want to date a man that watches that type of porn because he is obviously attracted to and gets off thinking of little girls. Likewise I wouldn't want to date someone who gets off on make-believe rape even if you think it is common and normal. I think it is creepy and dangerous.
PandorasBox Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 but he should know that it makes me very uncomfortable. I think this is the main thing here. Its good you talked to him, and now at least he knows how you feel, and where you stand on the matter. Since he now knows it bothers you, hopefully that will be enough for him to not feel the need to continue to look at that kind of thing knowing it bothers you.
suga Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I wasn't comparing normal porn to child porn, I was comparing RAPE porn. Just like porn using girls who look, dress and act underage is legal and very common, I still wouldn't want to date a man that watches that type of porn because he is obviously attracted to and gets off thinking of little girls. Likewise I wouldn't want to date someone who gets off on make-believe rape even if you think it is common and normal. I think it is creepy and dangerous. OMG!!! I had an ex husband who is a very talented and popular professional magician in this city, he is also a talented pro breakdancer, he has a very strong influence on most he meets, people love him, everywhere we went he had people coming up to him telling him how awsome he is, Ive heard people call him a God before(stupid groupies:rolleyes:) With this popularity came narcisim, constant self flattery, and need for more ego gratification...this was him main addiction, which I hated but for some reason put up with since he was very attached to the idea of being with me. Then there was a darker side that others probably sensed but did not realize about him since he is so skilled and popular at the same time loves to flatter other people, he strokes egos to manipulate others, he went to great lengths to win me over with this tactic, he stalked me like a pedophile stalkes a child! I was 18 at the time and he was 27, so I was not all that aware of this at the time but I sensed some sort of wierdness to the way he came on to me, still he was very polite and gentlmanly(at first). Anyways to cut to the chase he became abusive after a few years, my life was very wrapped up in him by then and so was my identity so I stayed longer than I should have, but thank God I did not get pregnant! He has a horrible addiction to porno, some of this stuff has women dressed as children sucking their thumbs while men screw them, during sex my ex started wanting to roll play like this out of the blue saying things like "wheres your mommy little girl?", which would infuriate me in the midst of passion and I would pretty much pull away and start fighting with him, and I was most certanly no prude, I actually was working in strip clubs as a dancer at that time, I have watched tons of porno with him but I have never actually went out and bought a porn for myself, still to be perfectly honest with you all, sex with him and with all the porn has me messed up, not that I would actually do anything perverted to anyone, but my perception in a way of what turns me on is not alright, and it is actually emotionally painful for me sometimes. The last girl he was with told me that she found child pornography on his computer, she has a 2 yr old daughter who was 1 when they were living with him, she cant even speak, and she said she had a fealing the whole time just like I did when I got with him, hers was that he liked the baby more than her, I dumped him based on all the abuse but my suspicions and fear of getting pregnant was the nudge I needed to end it for good, her confirmation of my suspicions was a big relief, not because I wanted him to be that way but because I knew he was and couldnt put my finger on it, plus with him being so popular and having so many people supporting him emotionally it was good to have someone else who knows the truth. Anyway listen to your gut, and watch out for perverts, and dont watch too much porno, some may spice things up now and then, but too much is very very bad!
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