memee1978 Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 im a very attractive woman,29 and still looking 19.i was with my kids father for 11 years and he would not marry me.i felt bad for staying in the relationship that long and living together so i eventually met an older guy who 38 that i love dearly.he says i complete him and he completes me but he does not ever want to get married.he says whats the big deal.if im taking care of you and your kids and doing right by you,whats the difference.i told him i dont want to live in sin.he says being married doesnt mean youll be happy.he doesnt want to loose me.ive never been married.i feel like giving up.he makes me happy except the lack of marriage.am i making a big deal over nothing or what?im hurting about this.but i told him i wont bring up the subject again.oh by the way this happened today.any advice?
Enema Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 Marriage is a pointless piece of paper that usually ends up costing you a ridiculous amount of money. I completely understand where this guy is coming from and I hate that the world tries to make people think marriage is necessary. Think about it objectively... you have a great relationship and you're considering throwing it all away because of a ceremony that will not change how your relationship works one little bit.
norajane Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 If you're hurting over this, then I'd say that you two aren't going to be able to make this work out. No one says you have to get married, but if that's important to you and he will not consider it, you aren't going to be happy.
CynicalP Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 I never could understand how living with someone else in a healthy happy relationship could be twisted into something evil or sinful. If you truely love this man why should a change in marital status change this fact?
Wantingtogetitright Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 It all comes down to what marriage means to you. If it is that important then you should not give up that. It is your belief that you are living in sin? Are you compromising your religious values to be with this person? Marriage is many things to many people - what it means to you is what matters.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 If you're hurting over this, then I'd say that you two aren't going to be able to make this work out. No one says you have to get married, but if that's important to you and he will not consider it, you aren't going to be happy. Well stated. Some couples can live together for 20 yrs and never marry....while others need it within months of meeting. If you are on opposite sides of the fence about the issue, chances are, it will cause resentments between you in the future. Do you want marriage, or do you want this man, if you have to choose?
Lizzie60 Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 im a very attractive woman,29 and still looking 19.i was with my kids father for 11 years and he would not marry me.i felt bad for staying in the relationship that long and living together so i eventually met an older guy who 38 that i love dearly.he says i complete him and he completes me but he does not ever want to get married.he says whats the big deal.if im taking care of you and your kids and doing right by you,whats the difference.i told him i dont want to live in sin.he says being married doesnt mean youll be happy.he doesnt want to loose me.ive never been married.i feel like giving up.he makes me happy except the lack of marriage.am i making a big deal over nothing or what?im hurting about this.but i told him i wont bring up the subject again.oh by the way this happened today.any advice? You were with your first ex for 11 years, had kids with him... and it was OK... now this guy, who is not the father of your kids and you want to marry him... strange... I am with this guy... I was in two long relationships and never got married... I am 55 and I still don't believe that a piece of paper will make your life easier and happier... that's bull... I don't see the big deal.. Are you happy with him? If you are, then why marry? What will that change? i told him i dont want to live in sin Ooohhh give me a break!!!! You lived 11 years with a man and had his children... and now... this.. geezzz... i've heard it all... LOL
stillafool Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I have to agree with Lizzie, 11 years, kids and no marriage? Why now is it so important to "not live in sin"?
Wantingtogetitright Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I have to agree with Lizzie, 11 years, kids and no marriage? Why now is it so important to "not live in sin"? people changes their views, thoughts and opinions all the time. We learn new things about ourselves and others every day. The only thing I see here that does concern me however is I hope the original poster doesn't believe getting married will make the relationship any more secure than her previous "non-married" one.
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