janedoe123 Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I'm new to this site and looking for a little guidance. My ex and I met about 4 years ago and became bestfriends. About a year after our friendship we started dating and broke up about 10 months ago. To be honest the breakup after all this time still isn't clear, it had just got too serious for what we could handle. Anyway, i was a mess, I wanted him back and went into major depression. We still talked almost every day, but I would always ask why he didn't want to be in a relationship, and he never had an answer other than "I just don't know what I want". A few months later he came back and wanted to work things out - so we did for a few weeks, then it was right back to the break up game. I tried to move on, but around christmas we started talking again and saying how much we missed each other and loved each other etc. After this we went on a few dates and talked for a couple months but he still wasn't 'ready' so I had to cut ties. I didn't speak to him for about 2 or 3 months, no contact whatsoever. Then again, after that time period he called and we started talking again, the same old routine about missing each other and loving each other. Telling me he still sees me in his future, that we are soul mates etc. AGAIN, he doesn't know what it is, but he just can't see himself making that move to be with me again - still sees me in his future though. So now here I am - I've left out a lot, but that's pretty much the story. To tell you about our relationship - it was fantastic. It felt like we were soul mates when we were best friends before we even started dating, then it just got better ... until now. So I guess my question is how do I finally cut ties? I know he thinks I'm always going to be here and he's afraid that I'll leave ... yet I just can't leave. HELP.
shockandawed Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 Hi Jane, Please don't think I am lecturing you because I know how you feel, I have been in a similar place. To an outsider looking in without any emotions, this guy is playing you hard. You don't mention what is going on during the no contact times. It sounds like he is probably dating away and you are sitting at home waiting for him to call. You both have established clear and consistent patterns. Anytime he needs to check the line to make sure you are still hooked, you allow him to reel you right back in. Once satisfied that you are there, back in the water for you until he needs another ego boost. Telling you he can't commit right now but sees you in his future clearly shows his intentions. He wants other people, but needs to make sure you are waiting on him if he needs a fix. Jane, this is nothing more than control on his part. If he loved you like he claims, or as you love him, then there would not be any of this going on. He would be with you. You will never be able to move on unless you cut all ties with him. NO CONTACT. If he e-mails you or calls you to check your availability, simply do no respond. This pattern has repeated itself, it will always be this way. Get a life without him and don't let him back in it. I am certain he will try once you do, stay strong. You will be so happy down the road.
Author janedoe123 Posted August 19, 2007 Author Posted August 19, 2007 Thanks for your response. It really does help. The thing is i have a great life without him. I am constantly surrounded by good people and good things going on in my life. During our no contact i have been out dating, but I can't seem to commit to anyone (probably because it's too soon). It's hard to explain but I just have that fear that most people probably go through during a break up - the fact that he will be completely out of my life and I will never be a part of his anymore. It's sad to say, but I realize everything I need to do, I just have trouble doing it ... I'm hoping someone will tell me this is normal feelings.
Recommended Posts