invizibletearz Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I'm taking my situation pretty hard. I cry almost everyday. Well, my boyfriend and I recently were doing great. I consider him to be perfect in my eyes. We'd see each other almost everyday after we would get off work, since we both got off at the same time. He always wanted to see me, never got tired of me, always missed me... He woke me up to extreme happiness that I haven't felt in at least 5 years. Then, he found a second job, which I was proud of him for. Within a couple days of that, he started his mandatory class/program that lasts for at least 3 months. On top of that, he also has to attend mandatory meetings and finish the minimum number of meetings by a certain date, at least 2 or 3 meetings a week to stay on track. As a result of those things he is going through, he then told me that he needs time and space to think everything through and prioritize his life. He also said that he has pulled away from everyone else, like his friends, besides me. He told me he has no time to hang out and by the time he gets home from work in the evenings, he is so exhausted that he can barely eat. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he replied that he can't answer that right now because of all the things that are going through his head. All this that we discussed together was done through text messages, because he wouldn't answer my calls or return my calls either. I told him I agreed to give him his space and time away because I want the best for him and also because I don't want to lose him. I said to call me after a few days or a week after he had done some thinking and he said that would be fine. Now it has been 2 weeks since I last saw him and almost a week and a half since I told him I would give him his space, and I still haven't heard from him. I haven't called because I don't want to push him away. He is definately worth waiting for, but I can't wait forever. Why can't he at least call me and just say 'hi' for just a minute? I still can't understand that. It's also hard for me to understand how I haven't heard anything from him throughout this time like he misses me or thinks of me because of the fact of how affectionate and caring he was when we were seeing each other. It's like night and day and I don't know if he has been thinking of me. I'm just curious if all the things he says he is going through sounds truthful and are real reasons why he hasn't had any contact with me. I'm afraid maybe he will never call me even though he said he would after awhile. He told me it sounds like I'm giving him a limit. I'm confused and sad every single day, because I miss him so bad. Please tell me what you think of all this and if I should continue to wait a bit longer or to start contacting him again.....
funnyfarm Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I would definitely hold off on contacting him. It's something I always have a tough time in doing but looking back, I truly think that the contact I have made has often made things backfire in the end. When someone is going through their own things, they're under their own pressure. Despite your good intentions this can contribute more to the pressure he's feeling and push him further away. I know....it's so incredibly hard. Something else I'm starting to believe is that guys take a bit longer than women to figure out what they want. I think, us as women, because we tend to be a bit more emotionally open are ready to make changes right away or do what needs to be done because they think about it constantly. I think guys tend to back away from the situation more and preoccupy themselves with other things to null the pain if you will. But, it usually creeps back in and then they decide to face it. I think contacting him will prevent him from reaching that place when he's meant to. You have told him how much you cared and to call you, that's all you can do at this point. Boy...I wish I could take my own advice sometimes! Hope any of this helped...this is my first time ever being on a forum like this, and well....I'm going through my own situation so I'm not even sure I'm fit to give advice?!
oddie Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 Well invizible, here is how I see it..... There are two ways that this situation could be perceived...first he could be truly stressed and confused by everything that is going on in his head, and need some time and space to sort things out to where he feels comfortable managing all of his interests. Although very likely, his feelings for you (if genuine from the start) should not waver, and if he needs his space he should be able to reassure you of them before taking his break. The second scenario is not so attractive from your point of view.....sometimes people go through a needy time in their life where they have a void left by a past relationship, or losing a job or what have you and they need something or someone to help get them through it. When they finally get back on thir feet and start to feel good about themselves they no longer need it or it becomes too much to handle. I know that might sound harsh, and it is, but I believe you need to be strong for yourself, and try not to depend on him for you happiness. Like I said even if he needs his space, and his feelings for you are genuine and he appreciates what you did for him, he would tell you in person, not hide behind text messages. Sometime when you are around someone who is needy or codependant you start to act the same way or you might have misread his neediness as affection. Unfortunately when the other person fills their void, that very thing that help them get through their rough patch becomes just extra stress. Try giving him his space, and if he really appreciates what you have done for him and is a true friend you will have nothing to worry about. Try and make yourself happy, and you never know when and if he does decide to be with you, you might realize that you do not need someone who doesn't want to be with you. Hope some of this helps, keep posting as it will give you strenght to do the right thing for you! Good luck and remember the right path is never the easy one.
Author invizibletearz Posted September 4, 2007 Author Posted September 4, 2007 new thread posted correctly under I'm So Angry & I Don't Get Him
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