Guy wants to meet me then flakes

[uniqueone]

I've been making a lot of threads but I have a lot on my mind and I guess it keeps me busy. So hope you don't mind 'em. Here's one of them....

 

An ex BF and I are still friends. Oh and guess what? It ended badly between us--I just didn't deal with it well. But this goes to show that you can still be friends after all.

 

I tell him about my dating experiences so he's familiar with what I've been through including recently. We pretty much communicate just through email though--he's never been a phone person. He emailed me recently to tell me that a friend of his and his GF broke up and his friend was wanting to know if he knew of any single women. My ex mentioned me. My ex showed him some pics of me and he was interested in meeting me.

 

So my ex emails me and tells me about him and he sounded pretty good so I said ok and my ex gave him my email address. That was 2 weeks ago. Last Friday, I mentioned to my ex that I never heard anything. So he talked to the guy and the guy said he'd been out of town --I think getting his kid set up at college. He said he was still interested just busy with work and being out of town. So on Mon or Tues of this week, I still don't hear anything and tell my ex that I'm going to get on the personals if I don't hear anything soon. He calls him and mentions it and the guy says he plans to contact me.

 

So now it's been about 2 weeks and I'm thinking WTF? Why did this guy want him to ask me and then he doesn't follow through? And I need to get back to meeting people so that I can get my mind off of other things. The only thing is, I hate to pay for the personals if I'm going to hear from him. I'd rather see how it goes with him first.

 

I emailed my ex today and said that if I don't hear from him this weekend, I'm getting on the personals.

 

I dunno...maybe the guys not really ready to date. Maybe he's not over his ex or something. But it just figures, I don't usually get people fixing me up with their friends and finally do and the person doesn't even follow through.

 

So then this means my only source once again is the personals, which I'm sick of.

 

What is wrong with people anyway?

[amber1]

Here is the deal, and it goes for other situations too. If you have to keep asking someone to do something and they never pull through for you, give up on them. It's too much of a waste of time and energy when you could be doing other things and meeting other people. I wouldn't wait around for this guy. I don't know if I'd keep talking to my ex either...

[uniqueone]

Here is the deal, and it goes for other situations too. If you have to keep asking someone to do something and they never pull through for you, give up on them. It's too much of a waste of time and energy when you could be doing other things and meeting other people. I wouldn't wait around for this guy. I don't know if I'd keep talking to my ex either...

 

 

Oh that ex and I are friends---he's not a current ex.

 

The thing about this situation is, my ex's friend sounds like a good prospect--better than those I encounter on the personals. And according to my ex, he's not a jerk like these other guys I've encountered.

I guess it bums me out to have to open myself up to losers and jerks again and not get a chance to meet someone good.

[LuminousZ]

I guess it bums me out to have to open myself up to losers and jerks again and not get a chance to meet someone good.

 

I can't imagine anything positive coming out of the situation you describe.., letting your EX fix you up with someone sounds like disaster to me.

 

You must Let go of your past.., (ugggh.., read EX).

 

Forget about the personals.., have you ever considered speed dating? You spend six minutes with up to 12 prospective dates in one night..., face to face so you get to see the real person, body language, etc.., it was fun for me and believe it or not, I met my current wife there!

[Krytellan]

Why is this behavior so difficult to understand? People do it every day in many facets of their lives. There are things some people just don't care anough about to follow through on. It's no big deal... don't worry about it. If he wasn't interested then why think about him?

[uniqueone]

I can't imagine anything positive coming out of the situation you describe.., letting your EX fix you up with someone sounds like disaster to me.

 

You must Let go of your past.., (ugggh.., read EX).

 

Forget about the personals.., have you ever considered speed dating? You spend six minutes with up to 12 prospective dates in one night..., face to face so you get to see the real person, body language, etc.., it was fun for me and believe it or not, I met my current wife there!

 

What's wrong with letting an ex fix you up? I don't get why you see problems with that. We dated four years ago for 6 months and it wasn't serious.

 

As for speed dating, I never hear much of it anymore. I don't think it's very popular here but was several years ago. The women I know who've done it have told me that the guys on it are all losers. I'm just going by what I've heard. Maybe it's different in your area.

[uniqueone]

Why is this behavior so difficult to understand? People do it every day in many facets of their lives. There are things some people just don't care anough about to follow through on. It's no big deal... don't worry about it. If he wasn't interested then why think about him?

 

 

Maybe you're missing something here. He's the one who approached my ex to begin with. He's the one, who after seeing pictures of me, wanted to meet me and wanted my ex to ask me.

[uniqueone]

I'm really bummed out today. I never heard from the guy who supposedly wanted to meet me....the one who is a friend of my friends.

 

I finally have a chance to meet a decent guy and one who's got it together and it turns into nothing. (I've had guys who've had it together but they werem't very decent guys.)

 

This leaves me to going back on the personals again where I just meet jerks and losers and that's why I'm depressed.

 

I've been trying to take my mind off of the last person who treated me pretty crummy at times....but who I still miss (because we really clicked). It ended a few months ago. I was abandoned by him in a somewhat remote tourist area, several thousands of miles away from home.

 

When I heard about my friends friend who's smart,very successful, supposedly attractive and that he was interested in meeting me, it really picked me up. And it turned into nothing.

 

So now I feel even worse than before....getting to go back to loserland.

I made my profile visible last night for the first time in awhile and just got two replies. What good is someone who winks at me and has no picture?

 

I wish he'd never told me about him. He says maybe the guy is having trouble getting over his GF. Sure...and once he does, he'll run into women and be dating them. There goes my opportunity....and it doesn't seem like I get many....not with decent ones anyway.

 

What a depressing day this turned out to be.

[Capricciosa]

Not sure what the rush is. You sound a bit desperate. You're spending a lot of time lamenting a guy you've never even met or even spoke to. How do you even know he's decent? Maybe you wouldn't even have liked him. It doesn't matter anyway, because for all intents and purposes he doesn't even exist. Only in your imagination. So put something happier in there. Stop obsessing and depressing yourself.

[uniqueone]

Not sure what the rush is. You sound a bit desperate. You're spending a lot of time lamenting a guy you've never even met or even spoke to. How do you even know he's decent? Maybe you wouldn't even have liked him. It doesn't matter anyway, because for all intents and purposes he doesn't even exist. Only in your imagination. So put something happier in there. Stop obsessing and depressing yourself.

 

I didn't say I'd like him....but I don't even get the chance to meet him.

 

yeah, he's got a lot going for him and I don't find that in many that I meet online. Not at all. Not only that, but he came with a recommendation. My friend told me that he's not a jerk like the ones I've been encountering.

 

Maybe you live in a place where there are enough decent men with a lot going for them that aren't jerks.....but I don't.

Or maybe you're someone that doesn't have a lot of specifications they want in a guy. That gives you a lot more choices.

 

Yeah I'm depressed...because the last guy had a lot going for him and it's been really hard for me trying to get over this.

 

And I'm not saying that I'd even like this friend of my friends. But I'd like to at least have had the chance to meet him because there wont be too many chances of meeting others like him.

[Trialbyfire]

uniqueone, just relax and stop looking. You'll enjoy your life a lot more if you slow down enough to stop once in awhile to smell the roses.

 

If you're looking hard, guys can smell this and will run away as fast as their stumpy little legs can carry them.

 

When you want to relax and be single, no interest in getting together with anyone, they flock and won't leave you alone.

 

-edit: I highly recommend that you run as fast as you can from flakes. Thank whomever saved you from this guy.

[Kamille]

And I need to get back to meeting people so that I can get my mind off of other things.

 

This sentence sparked something in me. I wonder if 'the other things' to which you refer is the ex who abandoned you in a tourist area (jerk) or if it might not be something else altogether. See, last spring things were going downhill at work and I would hang on to any spark of romance in the hopes that it would keep my mind off things. I was feeling down and I was hoping romance would bring pizazz in my life. I didn't even realize that that's what I was doing. Fortunately, I went to see my doctor for what was becoming a depression and she gave me a one month work leave. Guess what, I now feel much better and am enjoying the dating scene in my manufacturing hometown -a town of which I used to complain there wasn't much potential. I've been dating (mostly people I met through friends) and have yet to find someone I would consider a match, but meeting these nice men has proven to be entertainment in itself. I can only hope that whatever it is you are trying to keep out of your mind is as easily resolvable as it was for me.

 

I learned romance can't help anyone out of a bad patch. Instead, it becomes part of the vicious cycle. If you are feeling down a lot lately (I would wake up crying), I would suggest taking actions to bring yourself back to a happy self. Vacations, exercise, healthy food, talk therapy and meditation are doing it for me.

 

Maybe you live in a place where there are enough decent men with a lot going for them that aren't jerks.....but I don't.

Or maybe you're someone that doesn't have a lot of specifications they want in a guy. That gives you a lot more choices.

 

I don't know but it seems to me you are going about being selective the wrong way. I don't know exactly what is on that list of qualifications of yours, but I say put it away for a few months. Go out dating to have fun, not to find 'the one'. That's what I did and you know what, it is mostly fun. Not only that, turns out walking away from the 'seeking the one' attitude makes me more approachable... I've never been this popular with guys in my life. I am learning to be more confident with men and I think that this is going to be valuable once I do meet someone that I would consider being in a relationship with.

 

When I heard about my friends friend who's smart,very successful, supposedly attractive and that he was interested in meeting me, it really picked me up. And it turned into nothing.

 

This is something I learned from a friend: she takes all attention she gets from men as compliments. I see two reasons for you to see this situation in a positive light, even if your ex's friend is not materializing. One, this shows your ex thinks very fondly of you. Not only that, but this other man gave you a compliment by saying he would be interested in eventually meeting you, upon this recommendation and some pictures of you. Sure it is disapointing that he never materialized, but if you snap out of the 'he was the only good candidate to come my way' emergency mind-frame, you will see that you should take this as a compliment on your good looks and move on. So he couldn't follow up on the compliment? Ah well, he is most likely still reeling with whatever happened with his ex and he is doing you a favor by not getting you involved at a time when he is feeling vulnerable.

[oppath]

Excellent post Kamille. Sure, it is disappointing that this guy didn't follow through, but it's not a big deal. I'd take the interest as a compliment. He's not a jerk or a flake, you have no idea what might be going on in his life. And he still may contact you. And if he does not, it doesn't mean anything about either of you. A guy found you attractive and interesting based on a recommendation. That means other men will too.

[uniqueone]

uniqueone, just relax and stop looking. You'll enjoy your life a lot more if you slow down enough to stop once in awhile to smell the roses.

 

If you're looking hard, guys can smell this and will run away as fast as their stumpy little legs can carry them.

 

When you want to relax and be single, no interest in getting together with anyone, they flock and won't leave you alone.

 

-edit: I highly recommend that you run as fast as you can from flakes. Thank whomever saved you from this guy.

 

You're totally reading me wrong. I'm exactly the opposite of what you've just said.

[Trialbyfire]

You're totally reading me wrong. I'm exactly the opposite of what you've just said.

Okay. Apparently I'm not the only one reading you inaccurately...

 

I am dead serious about flakes. I just went through an experience with my ex-fling/thing who was the flakiest person I've ever had the displeasure of getting to know. If some guy chooses not to come through, thank your lucky stars that you didn't have to experience any further dealings with him. Better to know if someone is a flake, sooner rather than later. Actions over words.

[uniqueone]

This sentence sparked something in me. I wonder if 'the other things' to which you refer is the ex who abandoned you in a tourist area (jerk) or if it might not be something else altogether. See, last spring things were going downhill at work and I would hang on to any spark of romance in the hopes that it would keep my mind off things. I was feeling down and I was hoping romance would bring pizazz in my life. I didn't even realize that that's what I was doing. Fortunately, I went to see my doctor for what was becoming a depression and she gave me a one month work leave. Guess what, I now feel much better and am enjoying the dating scene in my manufacturing hometown -a town of which I used to complain there wasn't much potential. I've been dating (mostly people I met through friends) and have yet to find someone I would consider a match, but meeting these nice men has proven to be entertainment in itself. I can only hope that whatever it is you are trying to keep out of your mind is as easily resolvable as it was for me.

 

The "other things" would be the ex. We weren't in a serious relationship though but I'd gone a long way to see him. And I don't know if you know the whole story but he starting making some snide comments to me while I was visiting. And then I found him reading emails from other women. I knew he dated others but we had a weekend for two in an exotic location and there he is on his laptop. It was late at night and I got upset about it and so he left and got a different hotel room somewhere. After that weekend, we were supposed to fly back to his house where I'd been staying. The next day, he told me we could fly back to where he lives (which was close by) and he'd get me a hotel room to stay in.

 

I find out later that day that he went back home without me. And he had the rental car so I was still in this strange place on foot. Then he tells me that maybe I should just fly back home that night directly from where I am. I was really upset through all of this because he didn't want to talk about how I feel or what happened.....just make "arrangements". (i.e. get rid of me).

 

The airline wouldn't let me change the ticket that way so I had to fly back to where he lived and go from there. I flew back late that night and he met me at the airport. He said that he'd meet me there with my luggage and then we could discuss what we'd do from there. He met me, shoved my luggage at me and some papers which had a hotel room on it and a plane ticket and yelled at me never to talk to him again and ran back to his car and drove off, leaving me there with all this luggage I couldn't carry --that I kept dropping while I was crying.

 

It was late and I didn't know my way around the area (another remote area) but fortunately I found people to help me find the hotel.

 

I spent the next few days there on my own. I didn't use his ticket to go home early. I used the one I bought and stayed the time I'd planned to stay so he wasted his money on a ticket I never asked him to buy. He had promised to pay me for things that were the result of his changing of plans, but then he refused. For those two days on my own, I tried to call him but he wouldn't answer. And he's never shown any remorse. I did get one email, however, telling me how I am such and such. (all bad of course). He made me out to be horrible and to be the one at fault. His basis for that was that, when he wouldn't respond to me, I got angry and left him some angry messages.

 

So this is what I've dealt with not long ago. And earlier this year, I had another equally devastating thing happen (not relationship-related).

 

 

Vacations, exercise, healthy food, talk therapy and meditation are doing it for me.

 

Don't care to take vacations alone. That's one reason I've been wanting to meet someone.

I eat healthy and exercise.

 

I don't know but it seems to me you are going about being selective the wrong way. I don't know exactly what is on that list of qualifications of yours, but I say put it away for a few months. Go out dating to have fun, not to find 'the one'. That's what I did and you know what, it is mostly fun. Not only that, turns out walking away from the 'seeking the one' attitude makes me more approachable... I've never been this popular with guys in my life. I am learning to be more confident with men and I think that this is going to be valuable once I do meet someone that I would consider being in a relationship with.

 

You're reading me wrong as well. I don't go looking for "the one". I go out for fun. I don't know why people are getting the wrong impression of me here. Has anyone read any of my other posts on LS???

 

Sure it is disapointing that he never materialized, but if you snap out of the 'he was the only good candidate to come my way' emergency mind-frame, you will see that you should take this as a compliment on your good looks and move on.

 

You know, people use that term "move on" a lot. I say: "Move on" to what??? What if there's nothing to move on TO?

That's the point I've been trying to make.

[uniqueone]

Okay. Apparently I'm not the only one reading you inaccurately...

 

I am dead serious about flakes. I just went through an experience with my ex-fling/thing who was the flakiest person I've ever had the displeasure of getting to know. If some guy chooses not to come through, thank your lucky stars that you didn't have to experience any further dealings with him. Better to know if someone is a flake, sooner rather than later. Actions over words.

 

Yeah I agree with the flakiness part, it's the other part that you've read me wrong on. I don't know how to emphasize it anymore than I have in countless posts here on LS about my views on the attitude to have while dating.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah I agree with the flakiness part, it's the other part that you've read me wrong on. I don't know how to emphasize it anymore than I have in countless posts here on LS about my views on the attitude to have while dating.

 

You know, people use that term "move on" a lot. I say: "Move on" to what??? What if there's nothing to move on TO?

 

Why do you need someone of the opposite gender, in order to have fun? Why not stay single, dating whenever something happens to cruise your way, if not, hanging out with friends instead, or finding more enjoyable hobbies to do by yourself?

[uniqueone]

Why do you need someone of the opposite gender, in order to have fun? Why not stay single, dating whenever something happens to cruise your way, if not, hanging out with friends instead, or finding more enjoyable hobbies to do by yourself?

 

 

I don't NEED someone of the opposite gender to have fun. But I'd like someone. It's been quite awhile since I've had a real relationship. It's been quite awhile since I've had any intimacy from anyone who's had any feelings behind it. To add to that, I started late in life and the people I then got involved with weren't very good people. I'd like the chance to find someone good...and I'm not getting any younger.

 

But right now...I'd like companionship. This doesn't mean I want someone 24/7. I just want someone to go out and do things with...maybe travel with.

 

 

I don't believe that people "happen" to cruise your way. That's why the personals are so popular. People today are too busy.

 

I do enough by myself and have most of my life. I'd like to change that to a degree.

[Kamille]

I think the reason a lot of us misread you in this thread as elsewhere is because there is an aura of bitterness in your posts. Perhaps you are not feeling bitter about being single, but you don't exactly sound like you are enjoying it. In fact, it sounds to me like there is something wrong, likely something that has nothing to do with the lack of quality men in your area. I still feel that you are hoping romance will fill a void in your life and I think that this is what is making dating, and its inherent ups and downs, so arduous for you. We all know romance cannot fill a void in our lives, that it rather happens when we are busy doing other things.

 

What happened on that trip was traumatic and would have left me feeling scarred. Last summer I was left high and dry by a guy who I thought could have been my soulmate and I am only now starting to feel like I've got my happy single groove on again. This is likely what is going on with you right now. It sounds like you are healing from what happened and are at the point when you are starting to be ready to date again. Yet it seems like you are still focusing a lot on the negative sides of things: no decent men ever approach you, a guy who showed interests never materialized, you discount past relationships. It could only be the effect of having been really hurt by your ex.

 

At least that is kind of what I went through. And the first few guys I dated after that ex had a really tough time because I was kind of in a black and white mode. Either I rapidly wanted nothing to do with them, or I would put way too much stock in guys with whom I saw potential - and they could never live up to my expectations. Now I am much better at just enjoying my dates for who they are, at enjoying meeting new people. I still get down when things don't work out, but the funk never lasts for more then a day. I am even finally very happy spending time on my own. And yet, like you, I feel ready for companionship in my life. And I know that when it happens, it will be wonderful because I won't have it any other way.

[uniqueone]

I think the reason a lot of us misread you in this thread as elsewhere is because there is an aura of bitterness in your posts. Perhaps you are not feeling bitter about being single, but you don't exactly sound like you are enjoying it. In fact, it sounds to me like there is something wrong, likely something that has nothing to do with the lack of quality men in your area. I still feel that you are hoping romance will fill a void in your life and I think that this is what is making dating, and its inherent ups and downs, so arduous for you. We all know romance cannot fill a void in our lives, that it rather happens when we are busy doing other things.

 

What happened on that trip was traumatic and would have left me feeling scarred. Last summer I was left high and dry by a guy who I thought could have been my soulmate and I am only now starting to feel like I've got my happy single groove on again. This is likely what is going on with you right now. It sounds like you are healing from what happened and are at the point when you are starting to be ready to date again. Yet it seems like you are still focusing a lot on the negative sides of things: no decent men ever approach you, a guy who showed interests never materialized, you discount past relationships. It could only be the effect of having been really hurt by your ex.

 

At least that is kind of what I went through. And the first few guys I dated after that ex had a really tough time because I was kind of in a black and white mode. Either I rapidly wanted nothing to do with them, or I would put way too much stock in guys with whom I saw potential - and they could never live up to my expectations. Now I am much better at just enjoying my dates for who they are, at enjoying meeting new people. I still get down when things don't work out, but the funk never lasts for more then a day. I am even finally very happy spending time on my own. And yet, like you, I feel ready for companionship in my life. And I know that when it happens, it will be wonderful because I won't have it any other way.

 

I dated someone a few months ago and he thought I was great. I didn't like him enough though and he came on too strong, too soon. I told him to back down but he kept pushing and pushing so finally I said enough and then he got mean and said some really mean things. People have told me I should have nothing to do with him after what he said. He now keeps trying to get me to talk to him.

 

That was another reason I wanted to meet people. I was afraid that if I didn't, I'd get lonely or bored and start talking to him again. I tend to be too forgiving.

 

When I went out with him, I didn't see him in black or white mode and that was both during and after the other guy so I don't think that's the problem.

 

Unfortunately, I've had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life. The bad part is how normal they've come to feel to me...but I've worked on changing that.

 

I sound bitter, huh? Can you tell me in what way? I mean I'm sad and depressed which is pretty obvious but where do you get bitter from?

 

Oh and as far as the sad and depressed part, that's not just due to relationships, there are other reasons for it. And no, i'm not expecting a relationship to fix it.

[latefragment]

uniqueone - everything you've written is stuff that i have thought and could have written myself. i'm about your same age and have a car, place to live, great job, very involved with hobbies & other pursuits, and have tons of friends to hang out with. i do feel like i'm diong well. however, the desire for companionship is there, and like you, i bristle at those who say you should be happy by yourself, or on your own. i feel that is a very innate, primoridial desire, the desire for companionship on an intimate level.

 

like you, i've been hurt deeply and i find guys that i click with to be few and far between. usually if we *do* click, they flake *right away* and like you, that rejection often stings way more than it should. i cried over one guy for 4+months that i only knew for a week. obviously there were much deeper issues involved than just that guy, i was profoundly lonely, having moved to a new region of the country , and had been hurting for some time from previous relationships

 

i think what trial by fire was saying probably rings true for me - for whatever reason i haven't been able to get rid of the past hurts and that is what really, really magnifies all the numerous little rejections that i experience.

 

anyway, just wanted to add my two cents - that i am in the same boat as you.

[uniqueone]

uniqueone - everything you've written is stuff that i have thought and could have written myself. i'm about your same age and have a car, place to live, great job, very involved with hobbies & other pursuits, and have tons of friends to hang out with. i do feel like i'm diong well. however, the desire for companionship is there, and like you, i bristle at those who say you should be happy by yourself, or on your own. i feel that is a very innate, primoridial desire, the desire for companionship on an intimate level.

 

like you, i've been hurt deeply and i find guys that i click with to be few and far between. usually if we *do* click, they flake *right away* and like you, that rejection often stings way more than it should. i cried over one guy for 4+months that i only knew for a week. obviously there were much deeper issues involved than just that guy, i was profoundly lonely, having moved to a new region of the country , and had been hurting for some time from previous relationships

 

i think what trial by fire was saying probably rings true for me - for whatever reason i haven't been able to get rid of the past hurts and that is what really, really magnifies all the numerous little rejections that i experience.

 

anyway, just wanted to add my two cents - that i am in the same boat as you.

 

 

Hey thanks, glad to know someone is in a similar spot. Feel free to PM me anytime.

I don't think it's necessarily due to past hurts though. I think it's really clicking with someone.

 

I got back on the personals yesterday (for a 7 day trial) and have gotten a lot of responses--some not too bad. But none of the conversations are like they were with "him". That wit and intelligence just isnt there and so I've been thinking about him even MORE now.

[miss snoopy]

I totally see where you're coming from Uniqueone, and laterfragment. I think one needs to be in this situation to truly empathise. I know people who've posted here mean well when they encourage us to go out, exercise, etc, but I do feel like screaming sometimes - I do al that already! And anyway most of my friends have partners or husbands so obviously playing gooseberry gets a bit tiring. What's wrong in wanting someone of the opposite sex to play tennis with, go on vacation with, just enjoy hanging out with?

 

I'm dating someone but unfortunately I still don't feel anything - and it's been 2 months now (no sex yet!) I feel if I end it it'll be back to the ghastly online dating sites (which I've grown to loathe) but if I hold on, I'll just resent him more. And I'm too "nice" to end it anyway but I know I'll feel awful if he does, especially as he wants kids which my ex didn't (the ex who brought me to LS late last year)

 

I'm beginning to lose hope and if that makes me sound desperate, well, so be it. Most of my friends, relatives etc managed to find partners pretty easily and I know I have a lot going for me, so why is it so difficult?

 

I am in my mid thirties and after the end of my first long relationship in my mid 20s, people told me not to actively look for a man as "it will happen when you least expect it." Yeah right. 10 years on I'm still waiting for it to happen.

[uniqueone]

I totally see where you're coming from Uniqueone, and laterfragment. I think one needs to be in this situation to truly empathise. I know people who've posted here mean well when they encourage us to go out, exercise, etc, but I do feel like screaming sometimes - I do al that already! And anyway most of my friends have partners or husbands so obviously playing gooseberry gets a bit tiring. What's wrong in wanting someone of the opposite sex to play tennis with, go on vacation with, just enjoy hanging out with?

 

I'm dating someone but unfortunately I still don't feel anything - and it's been 2 months now (no sex yet!) I feel if I end it it'll be back to the ghastly online dating sites (which I've grown to loathe) but if I hold on, I'll just resent him more. And I'm too "nice" to end it anyway but I know I'll feel awful if he does, especially as he wants kids which my ex didn't (the ex who brought me to LS late last year)

 

I'm beginning to lose hope and if that makes me sound desperate, well, so be it. Most of my friends, relatives etc managed to find partners pretty easily and I know I have a lot going for me, so why is it so difficult?

 

I am in my mid thirties and after the end of my first long relationship in my mid 20s, people told me not to actively look for a man as "it will happen when you least expect it." Yeah right. 10 years on I'm still waiting for it to happen.

 

I'm not really looking in the same way that you are I don't think. I'm wanting companionship and someone I really click with. I'm not worried about losing hope because that (to me) means someone who is looking for marriage and right now I don't really know what I want. But I do know that I want someone there for me--and me for them. And I just want someone that I mesh with. But this doesn't mean I want them there all the time. Not sure that makes any sense or not.