konfuzd Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I just had the most crazy whirlwind month of lust/loss.... not sure where it leaves me, anyone with experience, please help. I met this guy through a friend one Friday night when a group of us went out. We pretty much hit it off instantly, had a lot in common, overall had a good time, but didn't really do much about it. The next evening, while I was out with some other friends, my buddy showed up, again with this guy. We started hanging out, again really hitting it off when he revealed to me that he lives 14 hours away, and he was only in town to catch an international flight. Bummer... The following evening, I got a phone call from this guy, even though I hadn't given him my number. He ended up tracking it down through my friends. (would be super creepy if I wasn't into him, but lucky for me, I am!) We decided to go out that evening on our first one on one date. I had the most spectacular time with him, the chemistry was unparalleled. I was starting to really fall for him, so I decided to call it a night before things got out of hand. He was leaving the next day for a 3 week vacation. He told me he had one night in town before he had to fly back home, so he asked me out for that night. First thing the following morning, I got an e-mail letting me know that he'd changed his return flight so he'd have a full week in town before he had to fly back home. When he got back from his trip, he e-mailed me within the hour to set up plans for the week. We ended up spending the entire week together, ending in the most fantastic camping trip with our mutual friends on the weekend. We spent every possible moment together, including the most spectacular night sleeping under the stars while there was a meteor shower. The last day of the camping trip, we both went home and showered, and then had one more one on one date before he had to fly home. At the end of the evening, as we were saying goodbye, there were tears welling in both of our eyes. I asked what happens from here, and he just told me that he comes to town twice a year, and he'd keep me posted on the next time he'd be in town, and he wants to get together. We've only spent a total of a week and a half together, so it's too soon to define it as a 'relationship', but I'm just really confused as to what to do in the meantime before he comes back. He doesn't have e-mail access at home, and he's only in the office maybe once a week. The remainder of the time he works out in the field (in forestry) and spends a lot of time in forestry camps where I can't reach him by phone. I can't stop thinking about this guy, but it's so challenging to try to form any sort of further bond with him, when it's so hard to communicate with him. What do I do????
norajane Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I asked what happens from here, and he just told me that he comes to town twice a year, and he'd keep me posted on the next time he'd be in town, and he wants to get together. I don't think you need to be confused. He intends to get in touch with you when he's next in town so you two can have another weekend of lust or whatever. This is not a long distance relationship. He's not going to be calling you and sending you love letters - and he's not going to NOT see other people when he's home.
Phumfeinz Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 If it's just twice a year... don't. For a LDR to work, in my opinion, one of you needs to be willing to make the step to move to where the other person is.
Trialbyfire Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 I'm a downer for LDRs, especially if he's only looking to hook up twice a year. I tried it once for a short period of time and found it to be a wasted effort. I would see if he contacts you each time he's in the office before investing any further time or energy into this. Even then, don't you want something more real and consistent?
lindya Posted August 18, 2007 Posted August 18, 2007 I don't think you need to be confused. He intends to get in touch with you when he's next in town so you two can have another weekend of lust or whatever. This is not a long distance relationship. He's not going to be calling you and sending you love letters - and he's not going to NOT see other people when he's home. Agreed. If you can take this for what it is - ie something that offers you the occasional opportunity for a fun hook-up with someone you have strong chemistry with - then that's fine. Viewing it as an actual relationship and investing a lot of emotion and thought into it would, however, be a recipe for lots of pain with very little reward.
saturnalia Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Not to rain on your parade, but you need to look at this realistically to protect yourself emotionally. You guys knew each other for a week. Sure, the chemistry was great, but a week is hardly long enough to truly determine that a LDR is worth the trouble. And, he already told you that he can only see you twice a year which is hardly enough time to get to know one another. And with his lack of email access, it's not like you can do that online. Sorry to be the bearer of a bummer, but I have personal experience that indicates the difficulty of the LDR thing even when the relationship is several months long and seemingly solid. Keep seeing the guy, who know whats going to happen. Just continue to have a life and see plenty of other men.
Author konfuzd Posted August 21, 2007 Author Posted August 21, 2007 Thanks for all the replies. I know that logically, it's probably not going to turn into anything serious, at least not right away, but my heart is really leading me to him. He has been really reliable at sending e-mails, when he's in the office, or at a friend's place who has internet. He keeps me updated with his work schedule, so I know when to expect the next e-mail, and to know why he's not responding etc. I forgot to mention in the previous post that he gets laid off from his job every winter, so there is a possibility when he comes down next, it could be for a month or more. Also, just because he is only in town twice a year, that doesn't mean that I can't go visit him as well. I have been in such a dating rut for so long, I am definately at the point where I'm willing to put effort, time and money into something I think has potential, but it seems the consensus here says to drop it... sigh... I suppose I'll just wait it out until his next visit, and see what happens in the meantime...
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