lino Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Thanks I appreciate what you're saying but when being your true self gets you nowhere what other option is there? Something has to change. I'd love women to want me for who I was before but they didn't so I feel I should change now while I'm still young & in whats meant to be the best years of one's life. I'm not saying I wanna be a criminal or anything though. BTW I don't have any problems dating/getting girls, I just can't get into any LTR's.
Lizzie60 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 What would you do and what would you think if you were told this? I would personally not date a guy who went to jail for assault. Because I would think that if someone is sent to jail on such a charge, it was definitely not a first time 'mistake', he probably has a history of violence. For me it would be a deal breaker. Be honest, don't make anyone waste their time and don't waste yours.
SoHotZanzibar Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 Lino, you HAVE to be who you are, otherwise any LTR you have is on false pretenses and you will not be happy. If you have to no trouble getting dates, just keep trying! Thats fun in itself. If it was easy to find someone to be compatible with, there wouldnt be MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of dollars spent on date sites, plus sites like LS would not exist. Finding ANYONE you can get along with or even email more than a month is rare. So its not easy. You really really should keep shopping and just being you because otherwise you wont be happy, she wont be happy, and its divorce city later on
lino Posted August 20, 2007 Posted August 20, 2007 Thanks for your advice I'll have to break up your post to reply Lino, you HAVE to be who you are, otherwise any LTR you have is on false pretenses and you will not be happy. Like I said, I'd like to but it just isn't working for me. I don't even know who I really am anymore, besides I think if I become less nice I'll still be the same person, just not as nice (sounds a bit rediculous I know ) If you have to no trouble getting dates, just keep trying! Thats fun in itself. It was in the past but I don't enjoy dating & 'shopping' around anymore. Now I just want a relationship and it ain't gonna happen if I keep being how I've been until now. If it was easy to find someone to be compatible with, there wouldnt be MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of dollars spent on date sites, plus sites like LS would not exist. Finding ANYONE you can get along with or even email more than a month is rare. So its not easy. Well I've never used dating sites or peronals and don't really want to, and LS is something I discovered late last May. You're right, it isn't easy, especially for some but when I look around and see friends of mine, aquaintances and male family members who I don't consider to be more appealing than me yet they've had several LTRs, I wonder that something must be up. I'm 25, so still quite young but everyone I know my age has had long-term girlfriend(s), the only ones who haven't are the ones who have something 'wrong' with them. Only now have I found out what is 'wrong' with me and it's definitely that I'm too nice & I'm gonna change it. You really really should keep shopping and just being you because otherwise you wont be happy, she wont be happy, and its divorce city later on I'm not happy now either, infact getting considerably worse as time goes by always being alone. Dating all the time doesn't help either, like I said I don't enjoy it anymore ( I did enjoy it alot once! ) and constantly getting dumped is really giving me an emotional beating now Divorce?!? Need to be married 1st to get there Believe me it's the last thing on my mind. Sounds very negative, I know, but that's how I've become now & the only way to get out of it is to change myself. Thanks again for your advice though Sorry for interrupting your topic OP. I still stand by what I said though, I doubt you'll have problems getting girls for having been in jail. I know of guys who've been in for much worse than assault & they had no problems.
StayClose Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 I just didn't appreciate you classifying women who like bad guys as being desperate and stupid. If that wasn't what you meant I apologize. I just think you were being a little harsh there. I understand if it's not the kind of thing you would do, but insulting people because they would want to do it is a little harsh. How would YOU classify women who repeatedly pick men who are arrogant, controlling, angry, liars and cheaters?
CancerianQueen Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 How would YOU classify women who repeatedly pick men who are arrogant, controlling, angry, liars and cheaters? If you'd read what I posted you would know that I wasn't talking about women who pick men who are arrogant, controlling, angry, liars and cheaters. People make mistakes and sometimes this lands them in jail. Being in jail for assault doesn't necessarily make one any of those things either You are being incredibly judgmental. Also women that get into a pattern of picking those who treat them badly do not necessarily do this on purpose. Calling them names is not necessary. And many people have low self esteem and will just take whatever they get. I don't agree with this, but I'm not about to sit here and insult these people.
jcster Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Stupid? Desperate? Self-destructive? I'd also add: co-dependent and lacking self-esteem.
Author Matt999 Posted August 23, 2007 Author Posted August 23, 2007 Appreciate hearing the different views. First off I've never hit a woman or anything like that. The assault was on another guy my own age after things went a bit far. I feel bad for what happened but it was one of those things. I know that for some girls jail might be a turn on but my problem is with the one specific girl I'm into. I honestly don't think it would be a turn on for her and am hoping if I tell her she can see through that. She works a bit away so I see her at the weekends and call her during the week so I've been lucky with that she hasn't really met my friends as I know it could come up then and that would be the last thing I would want to happen. I don't make myself out to be a 'bad boy' and would prefer people who I meet not to know anything about what happened and other people say I come across well and I don't seem like a person who you would expect to have been in jail. Some girls do like it - I remember the first night I was out with my mates after getting out we were talking with some ladies and when it was mentioned why we were out and that it was my first night out there was a girl who was all in to me. I wasn't in to her though. Anyway I'm thinking about telling her this weekend that I have a record and maybe not bring up the jail thing until I see how she reacts.
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