yergawd Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Things going great with GF talking about possible marraige in the distant future. The issue is her kids. I like them, but feel like they constantly compare me to her ex husband. I am sick and tired of hearing their stories of "fun daddy 'bob'". Whenever it comes up I want to just blurt out, "Yeah, fun daddy 'Bob' you mean the one that used to get off on slamming car doors on you mom or breaking furniture with her, yeah h3ll of a guy" I know it's not their fault they remember him as the guy that would do wild crazy fun things with them (because he was bi polar and would do fun things when he was up). The younger one actually is better than the older one. He loves to antagonize people because of his ODD. She has told both of them she does not like them bringing him up the younger respects that the older it was like gas to the fire he had another button to push. They don't know of the abuse, she tried hard to keep it that way but it makes me feel like crap hearing them talk about him.
Jinnah Posted September 13, 2007 Posted September 13, 2007 The kids should not hear anything bad about their father until they are old enough to handle it, and as it sounds they are definitely not old enough. Kids talk about their parents, and I am sure they say nice stuff about you and your GF to him. All of you are just going to have to accept that. The kids should not be told that they need to stop mentioning their father. Also, you should hold in those impulses to blurt out negative things about their father... the kids will resent you instead. The only thing that would make this different is if he were abusing the children. Then the courts would intervene as necessary.
shoesies05 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Alright- the kids love their dad, and that will not go away. You can't say negative things about the father because it will only hurt them and make them hate you. I hate hearing my parents say things about eachother to this day and its been 10 years since they divorced. It hurts when one person you love says something mean about another person you love- and then looks at you expectantly like they should agree with you and go along with it. Plus, they are healing right now and are not ready to know that their dad was abusive. I know its hard for you- but let me tell you, you seem to have it a lot easier than my moms ex boyfriend from when i was younger. i was soooo mean to him, i hated him and told my mom i wouldnt even go to her wedding when they were engaged. So appreciate that they arent little brats with you- and that they do care for you too im sure and think good tings of you. Maybe take them out and try new things with them too- build a new type of relationship with them. Dont try to "win" them, but try to be more connected to them. You're being a good guy for holding back from saying anything- keep it up
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