Harleyquinn Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Hi all... I'm new and so glad to have found my way here. Have been going crazy for 2 weeks. Been with my loving b/f for 2 and half years. I have recently started working at a bar which means I am working with lots of cool and interesting people. Been living with my boyfriend for 2 years in his part of Australia as I am from a different part, so don't have any mates at all and was feeling depressed and lonely before I landed this job working behind the bar. After about 3 months I had developed a friendship with a male co-worker and after being out drinking slept with him. As soon as the deed was done I, like a lot of people,I felt the life shattering pain of guilt and disgust wash over me and instantly I knew I had made a mistake, I knew it was a mistake before I did it, but I justified it with beer and the fact I'm 24 and will probably marry my boyfriend and I wanted to, I don't know, be a slut? NOW I am in absolute torture and agony. The guy I slept with has agreed to keep it quiet and just wants to be friends and I can't tell my boyfriend, no matter what, I can't.... I'm serious, I will never do it again, this has totally shown me the grass is NOT greener on the otherside, so what now... how do I get over my guilt? Am I a souless hobag that should tell him so he can dump my ass and crusify me the way I deserve? Kind comments would be appriciated as I am kinda on the edge here and generally a good human being....... please help me, I wanna stay with my man and love him more than ever.
starlite Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I am sure you love him more than ever know, and people make mistakes... But here is the deal.. You made a choice to betray your bf's trust. Your relationship is now built on a lie..if you marry him, your marriage will be a lie. You made a choice to sleep around, now he deserves the choice of whether or not he wants to stay with you. IMAGINE...you relationship progresses, or you do get married and then somehow he finds out (which tends to happen eventually) he is going to be disgusted by you. You owe him. At least give him that respect. If not, you are living a lie and tricking your bf into staying with you. Do you want that?
bish Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 I am sure you love him more than ever know, and people make mistakes... But here is the deal.. You made a choice to betray your bf's trust. Your relationship is now built on a lie..if you marry him, your marriage will be a lie. You made a choice to sleep around, now he deserves the choice of whether or not he wants to stay with you. IMAGINE...you relationship progresses, or you do get married and then somehow he finds out (which tends to happen eventually) he is going to be disgusted by you. You owe him. At least give him that respect. If not, you are living a lie and tricking your bf into staying with you. Do you want that? Well said...very well said. I am in the same boat as Harleyquinns boyfriend IF she decides to not come clean. My wife did the same thing to me...hid her cheating so that I didn't call off the wedding. I find out 7 years later with 2 kids, and ended up resenting the hell out of her for not giving me the choice of whether to stay with a cheater. And because she never got caught, she thought to herself that she could cheat here and there and I'd never find out. But I did find out and our kids lives are basically ruined because of her selfishness. So bottom line....don't be selfish. Come clean with your bf. Give him a choice in the matter. Because if you don't tell him, end up marrying him, and somehow(and don't say he won't find out) if he finds out, he will resent you..maybe even hate you for denying him that choice.
georgejungle Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 You have to tell him, because that's not fair to him. You would want him to tell YOu if He slept with someone. So show some respect and tell him. this isn't just a ''boyfriend'' that you've been kinda seeing and dating so "Hey, nothing is solid..I can have some fun"... This is a Loving Boyfriend (as you called him) you've been with for over two years and LIVE WITH. You Need to Tell Him.
dreamyeyes42 Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 I agree with the above responses. You made the CHOICE to sleep with someone else. You are an ADULT. Adulthood comes with responsabilities and consequences. Own up to yours. He WILL be angry, no denying. It is the worst possible thing to be cheated on...he might want to break up with you and never have anything to do with you again. Or, on the brighter side, people DO forgive and forget. It all depends on each particular situation. Talk to him, be open and tell him how much you regret doing this and how foolish and horrible you feel, etc. etc. Do NOT trick him into a false relationship because once trust is broken in a relationship, there is nothing left. If he does choose to forgive and forget, it WILL take time for him to trust you again but always remember...most likely he WONT ever forget what you did and he'll always hold it against you or even bring it up in an argument. Men cope differently than women do. Good luck.
mental_traveller Posted August 19, 2007 Posted August 19, 2007 You made a bad mistake - don't compound it by then deceiving your boyfriend into thinking everything is fine as before. He has the right to know the truth. While it might be better for you if you keep quiet, it won't be better for him. Chances are that eventually it will come out anyway - either you will be guilty and confess later (maybe years later - imagine walking down the isle with that on your conscience), or word will get out from the other guy (men aren't exactly tight-lipped about their sexual conquests). So better that he hears it from you. If he breaks off then you have to respect that decision. Learn your lesson and don't do it again next time. If you feel the need to "be a slut", then why not save people trouble and do that while you are single with no responsibilties? There's nothing wrong with sleeping around and having fun, just be honest about it and don't play games with people's emotions.
ls707 Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 Hi all... I'm new and so glad to have found my way here. Have been going crazy for 2 weeks. Been with my loving b/f for 2 and half years. I have recently started working at a bar which means I am working with lots of cool and interesting people. Been living with my boyfriend for 2 years in his part of Australia as I am from a different part, so don't have any mates at all and was feeling depressed and lonely before I landed this job working behind the bar. After about 3 months I had developed a friendship with a male co-worker and after being out drinking slept with him. As soon as the deed was done I, like a lot of people,I felt the life shattering pain of guilt and disgust wash over me and instantly I knew I had made a mistake, I knew it was a mistake before I did it, but I justified it with beer and the fact I'm 24 and will probably marry my boyfriend and I wanted to, I don't know, be a slut? NOW I am in absolute torture and agony. The guy I slept with has agreed to keep it quiet and just wants to be friends and I can't tell my boyfriend, no matter what, I can't.... I'm serious, I will never do it again, this has totally shown me the grass is NOT greener on the otherside, so what now... how do I get over my guilt? Am I a souless hobag that should tell him so he can dump my ass and crusify me the way I deserve? Kind comments would be appriciated as I am kinda on the edge here and generally a good human being....... please help me, I wanna stay with my man and love him more than ever. this sort of draws parallels to an ex i used to be with. I accidently caught her dating around behind my back after 2yrs of being with her, i bumped into her in a downtown coffee shop with some one else, when me and my cousins were looking for a retreat from the rain, and bam! there she was with some one else. Needles to say i took her back, after a lot of crying and apologies and so on and so forth from her. But then i learnt once a cheater always a cheater few months down the road she was at it again, i found her cell phone had txt msgs from some other guy calling her "baby" and thanking her for "the great night out" I dumped her in an instant, after that and never looked back. cut all contact with that person. The moral of the story is love can be forgiving, meaning if your bf loves you he probably might give u another chance. I gave my gf a chance cuz i honestly loved her, but she betrayed me again, and i knew i was wasting my time. Maybe he will give you a chance again since you sound very sure that you wont do it again.
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