Timothy17 Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 About two years ago I met a woman at work who is about 12 years younger than I am. She was divorced six months prior to our meeting and the girl I broke up with the girl I was going to marry because she died of cancer seven months before we met. I saw that she was going through what I was so we helped each other. We became good friends. About 3 months later we started eating lunch together and talking. We quickly realized that we had almost everything in common. From religion, to politics, to music, art and food we were the same person in different bodies. I have read enough to know that the older man younger woman scenario does not work out that often and I did not want to lose her as a friend but as the months passed I fell in love with her... sometimes you simply cannot control the matters of the heart. She was dating another guy and when they broke up she left the area without even saying goodbye. For 10 months I tried to get in touch with her. We exchanged a few e-mails and one phone call. I still love her but I feet like the friendship is falling apart. So I decided that I wasn't going to try the romance thing, that I would let it die but I still wanted to be friends. I try calling her every other week and never get an answer, she has promised to call several times but never does. All I want is to be her friend again but the fact that she won't communicate is heartbreaking. After caring for so long it is hard to just let her go but I can't be part of a one sided friendship so I have decided to essentially read her the riot act in a nice way and I was wondering if any of you have any suggestions on how I should do it. Thanks, T
Trimmer Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 ...I have decided to essentially read her the riot act in a nice way... I think you need to decide what your goal is. Read her the riot act, or be nice? Are you trying to change her behavior - draw her back to you - just let her go with some sense of closure, or get a last dig in before moving on? If you really give some thought to what you want to accomplish, that will go a long way toward guiding you to what to say and how to say it. All I want is to be her friend again but the fact that she won't communicate is heartbreaking. After caring for so long it is hard to just let her go but I can't be part of a one sided friendship. Hmmm, that sounds heartfelt, honest, clear, and concise. How about just telling her that? (Although, realize that telling a friend that she is breaking your heart probably reveals that you have feelings that go deeper than just friendship. But even that may be OK, as long as you are willing to reveal that much.)
tony1953 Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Guy is it possible that she suspects how you feel. i mean you haven't told her right. 12 year difference is nothing these days. I know a couple that have been married at least that long and they are 12 years apart. they are doing fine. tell her the truth unless you can live with her never knowing. let her decide what she feels would be best for you two. women are pretty good at that. maybe it can't go anywhere but if you don't try you will never know.
Lizzie60 Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 From what I read...you only had a friendship with her, nothing more... She was with someone else, they broke up, she moved... and it seems to me that she has moved on.. and has no interest in keeping the friendship with you... respect that and move on. It's been 10 months and nothing has happened... I doubt it will ever happen. I was 29 years (18 common-law) with a man who was 11 years older... We drifted apart... I can't see a relationship working on a long term basis when the age gap is too big.. and that goes for both gender. It's hard to remain with someone the same age for a long period of time, so imagine with someone who is much older... LOL I say... move on... you can keep in touch if you want but don't push things with her...
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