Beowulf42 Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Last Saturday morning I got a call from a girl I had dated on and off for a while. Last time we talked was 3 months ago and she was in tears begging me to still be her friend. Her boyfriend had moved in and I didn't want to keep playing her games. She had been leading both of us on, picked him but then continued to mess with me, which I didn't like. She says she misses me and wants to see me. She says she is staying at her aunts and asks if I want to drive out and eat with her. Keep in mind its _3 am_ in the morning. "Why are you at your aunts? You alright? Did something happen?" "I'm here because I am and its better. And thats all I'm going to say about that. Do you want to come see me or not? Right now. I have some excellent pasta salad my aunt made and some alcohol. Rum, maybe even some tequila." My car was in the shop so I tell her, "I can't I don't have any transportation." "Thats fine. I'll come to you! I'll bring you food and we can watch a movie." After she hangs up I make a mad dash to pick up my place. It was _really_ messy and her drive is 45mins so I lose track of time. After an hour and a half I realize, "hey she should be here by now." So I try and call her and her phone goes directly to voice mail. Ends up she never shows or calls. Sad Two days later I sent her a text, "so whats your excuse for not calling?" She says, "I sat down and fell asleep." Me, "Hrmmm. Well I'm pissed at you." Her, "Ok." I don't know what to do. I once felt very strongly for her, and I still do care for her, but I know with her trouble comes with the good. But even so I'm still interested in pursuing again. My friend says ignore her until she can't stand it then demand to know whats going on. Is she still dating the other guy, why was she at her aunts, etc. Ideas? Help please! B
johan Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 No loss, man. You're lucky she never made it to your place. Erase her from memory and look forward.
jcster Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Drunken booty calls at 3 am do not mean you guys should get back together. Just walk away.
maynard Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 it sucks. she totally intruded your space and got her fill of you in a few minutes. you can NEVER allow her to do that to you again whats worse is that the losing party (you) whether its a guy or girl, always feels that longing and loss. something like this can really screw with you for a few days if you let it. you gotta realize that she is a piece of sh*t. dont call her. dont respond to her. there is no "sort of." she screwed you over esp. considering the relative position of you two.
Author Beowulf42 Posted August 16, 2007 Author Posted August 16, 2007 She certainly didn't sound drunk but yeah it was pretty much a booty call. She also dumped a bunch of crap on me about her brother and her problems. Help me understand. Why would someone do this? What does she get out of calling me, talking for a while, and then not showing up?
maynard Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 She certainly didn't sound drunk but yeah it was pretty much a booty call. She also dumped a bunch of crap on me about her brother and her problems. Help me understand. Why would someone do this? What does she get out of calling me, talking for a while, and then not showing up?because of what i alluded to in the beginning of my post. she got her fill of you in that conversation and seeing you was no longer appealing as it was when she placed the call. you are like an open container of energy that she dips into whenever she is feeling down or whatever. she dumps on you because she knows you are there to take it. she exchanges her bad energy for your good energy (if you dont like the word energy, call it what you will). when the "transaction" is complete, she no longer has use for you in the romantic way you desire. this is a girl who is not attracted to you at this point. therefore, there is no point for her to show up. if you still want to be in her life, you have to either accept that she's not into you in the way you want, or totally change how you two interact. you first have to cut off almost all contact with her. if she contacts you, try and limit it to text messages. be a jerk at first. not a hurt jerk, a jerk that is indifferent. indifference kills a girl who discovers she cant dump on you the way she used to. seal up whatever part of you that she is able to tap into and take from you. she now has to PROVE herself to you. she may. she may not. there is other stuff, but thats a good starting point the easiest and less painful thing to do is remove yourself from her life altogether just want to add that im not trying to be a jerk about all this. i speak from my experience, hurt and loss
yergawd Posted August 16, 2007 Posted August 16, 2007 Maynard could not have said it better. If you two do start to hook up, do not be at all needy, stay indifferent. Gaurantee you the second she knows you are into her things will go back to her running all over you and calling you only to bring herself up. BE INDIFFERENT AND STAY INDIFFERENT
Author Beowulf42 Posted August 17, 2007 Author Posted August 17, 2007 if you still want to be in her life, you have to either accept that she's not into you in the way you want, or totally change how you two interact. you first have to cut off almost all contact with her. if she contacts you, try and limit it to text messages. be a jerk at first. not a hurt jerk, a jerk that is indifferent. indifference kills a girl who discovers she cant dump on you the way she used to. seal up whatever part of you that she is able to tap into and take from you. she now has to PROVE herself to you. she may. she may not. there is other stuff, but thats a good starting point I think i understand what you're saying. Currently I'm allowing her to get away with crap she shouldn't. So I can either put up with it, move on, or change the rules. Right? So what do you mean by be indifferent at first. Act like I don't care one way or the other? I don't hate her and I don't want her either? The pattern with her has been she leads me on. I chase her then she shuts me down. Eventually I get pissed off and stop talking to her. Then a few weeks later she comes back and it starts all over again. I know enough to know that I'm being too nice and sending the wrong messages. I also think she's misbehaving. So how can I put her in her place? I get the not talking to her. Or saying i'll call back and then not. What else?
VIP Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 I don't think she likes you enough, she just wants to prove to herself, that she is still appealing to you. If you play games with her, you are going to get more deep into it and get hurt, it's not worth it.
Arizona100 Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 Run .. You seem like a nice guy but sit back a min. Think about it. If you do get something with this girl? I mean the way she's been acting with you while she was dating somebody else? Or.. do you want someone who's going to respect you and that you can trust? Yes I wouldn't call. Ever.
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