bluepoppy Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I already posted about this - I'm going on a trip with some people, b/f included and he's bringing along someone I don't like, someone that we've argued about, as I want to be separate from this person, and basically this makes life inconvient for my b/f as he can't spend time with both of us at the same time. But I don't like the guy and you just can't make someone like someone else. So we've both booked on a climbing trip and then my b/f decides to persuade (and he had to persuade there wasn't an intitial interest on the friends part) - and I'm less than thrilled about the idea of 6 of us in a mountain hut that includes this guy. I'm currently filling up the hut with my friends now, and have got two more signed up in the last few days, so now we're 8 (the accomodation is for 16). If we get a full house, I know I'll have little contact with the guy so it will be ok. So tonight when we're training my b/f talks of the trip, and I say nothing. Just acknowledge the comments, and work on my training. At the pause, he stops and says - how are things with you. Ok. Work blah blah.... I know he's just waiting for me to say something about the trip, about not wanting to be around this guy etc etc. I feel I could go two ways. a) Just say to him when I'm all calm and collected, that next time we book on a group trip like that, more information would be useful to me, as if I'd known he was going to persude this guy I'd think twice about if I wanted to book on a 4 day trip with this guy with only 6 people, or at least have my own plans more sorted before I booked. or b) say nothing. do nothing. This will be unpredicable. Just keep doing what I did tonight when it's mentioned. The appearance of self-control and distance. I know sounds like game playing, and in a way it is - but I want to resolve this in a way that works for both of us. Eventually I think he will understand that not all our friends have to be the same, or at the same time.
jcster Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 say nothing. do nothing. This will be unpredicable. Just keep doing what I did tonight when it's mentioned. The appearance of self-control and distance. I recommend that you do the above. First off, do you really want to go on this trip with a pissed off boyfriend and a boatload of resentment (and have to deal with the guy you don't like)? Why put yourself through that? Why not do what you are doing, which is creating a buffer between you and that guy. If it happens again that you find yourself really put out by this guy, you will have ample leverage to exclude him from the next trip. 2 miserable trips in a row with someone gives a much stronger argument in your favor. You're going to have to convince your boyfriend that you put in a good faith effort to like this guy, and if you start pitching a fuss now, you will lose the argument.
Author bluepoppy Posted August 18, 2007 Author Posted August 18, 2007 Thanks - I know that's right but it's also so hard not to pitch in and bitch about it. Something about being female and liking to speak my mind and by open and honest about things. Although by not doing so I've realised that my b/f is very tense about this trip. In away, by not focusing on my worries, I've created enough space to see that he has an issue too Have now got the group up to 11 (and working on two more).
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