so gutted Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Well i thought i was "playing the game" - i met him, we did stuff. it was all very physical. I thought this was what i wanted too. I really enjoyed it. He got back in contact 4 days later and then we met within 2 weeks. Then he texted me and sounded positive. Since then - NOTHING. No texts. no how r u ? no courtesy. I cannot believe he has done this again. He isnt your usual chav. he is classy and has means. and he seemed poliete. what made him flee. he must have realised that i dont like no contact as i made a few jokes about him disappearing....and not talking to me. he siad dont be silly i do. anyway - i need to know plain and clear: 1) why is he not contacting? he got what he wanted and he got it twice. he didnt get any commitment cr-p fro me. so wasnt that an ideal situation? 2) he knows that i will not tolerate this - so by not contacting me he has finished with me. why doeant he realise that i will not put up with this?? i know i have the will power not to contact him. but i wnat to know why he spolit a good thing. has he really just gone off and found someone else? or is he bored? what is his issue?????
Star Gazer Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 Your behavior has demonstrated to him that he can go without contacting you and get what he wants anyway, so why would he bother? Your actions don't match your words. You've put up with it before, so why wouldn't you now? If it was "all physical" as you describe, there's no need for further communication until/unless HE decides he wants to get some again. I'm sorry if that's harsh, but it's reality. You treat men how to treat you.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 It has been a full month and i am not over this at all. i thought i was being strong by leaving my phone at home and going away - i guess i expected to receive a message from him. ( even though he hasnt called for a month)> I was devastated when i returned - and no calls from him. WHY? I really am struggling - not to call /text him. i know i shouldnt but why am i sooooooo close to it?? OK - So i put myself "up for it" but i really thought he wanted the same thing. i wasnt clingy or stalking him - yet he still walked away. i am torturing mmyself - as to how i messed this up. i am alos trying to find someone else to get over this - but it really isnt working. Its been a month - why am i pining over someone that doesnt have the decency to even text me???? he just DISAPPEARED................any explanations???? PLEASE
Enema Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 You're obsessing over it because him dropping you like this with no word makes you insecure about yourself. You desperately want contact from him as it would be a reaffirmation of your self-worth.
Lishy Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I think that because he gave you no closure you have nothing but the great connection you had to go on. Its like the fantasy relationship that had no flaws. You didnt know him to know his flaws! You want what you cant have and your self esteem is being ripped up here. You need him to contact you as you liked him, and also because it will re-affirm that you are worth it! He wont call, and not cos you are not worth it. Its because he doenst want to. He has his reasons and you do not know what else is going on in his life. Delete his number and chalk this up to experience. Realise that you cant seperate sex and feelings and dont make the mistake of getting too physical too soon again. At least then you will have gained knowledge from this bitter experience. Good luck hon Ps: Remember that is was HIS loss!
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 i am torturing mmyself - as to how i messed this up. Self-flagellation does no good but to erode further on your self-esteem. He walked away from you with no explanation, so how could you have messed up? What a coward he is...
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 i would have thought that hindsight would be a good teacher it isnt. I am obsessing/torturing coz for some reason (beyond me) - i liked this concieted arrogant pri ck. he was "my type" - strong and confident. i wish i could say that i would learn from this - BUT i have done this before. with this guy last year - i did the same and then 8 months later i contacted him. he seemed completly happy to hear from me...i really believed that if i kept it physical he would at least continue to see me - for a while. the thought of him with someone else ( that is the only explanation) really hurts me. i have repeated this pattern of behaviour many times and i thought i was getting reselliant to it...........im not. i feel low, depressed and sad that he didnt have the courtesy to even keep in contact. its all about trying to get by without me contacting him - that would really show me up to be desperate.
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 i liked this concieted arrogant pri ck. he was "my type" - strong and confident. This is a conflict of terms. Conceited and arrogant jerks are not strong and confident. If you are at fault, it's your confusion with which is a healthy individual. Sounds like you're picking players not real men.
Lishy Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 SG ... Do me a favour please? Read what you have wrote and answer it like you are answering a stranger. You had reasons to do what you done, you have done nothing wrong. He is a fool and he does not deserve you. He didnt have the curtesy to keep in contact because he is rude and he does not deserve you.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 POSSIBLY He could be a player. i am basing that on the fact that he has money - and i believe that can buy him someones' affection. he isnt mean with his money so i think he just gets what he wants (sex) and short term. Although this is my suspicion - he also seemed to be poliete enough when i was with him...and his manners were very good. this is why i am baffled......why be so nice ...and then flee.... i am now working on replacing him - and i know it will be hard........... i set my sights too high.........and now im paying the price.
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 No, you haven't set your sights too high, if anything, you've set your sights too low. A jerk with no money is no different than a jerk with money.
Kamille Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 he seemed completly happy to hear from me...i really believed that if i kept it physical he would at least continue to see me - for a while. SG!!! You need the goddess re-education program (run by Touche, TBF and uh... is it SB?). You are setting yourself up for heartbreak. If you see potential in a guy, you test his intentions by witholding sex. If he bolts you've just saved yourself a month of heartache. If he stays, then you can trust his good manners are actually good manners. You don't have sex hoping a guy will stick around. I am sorry you got so emotionally wrapped in something that you yourself set up as casual. Now, since it was casual, please realize that his flaking likely has very little to do with you. He just wasn't looking for anything serious and thought that you weren't either. All that happened is that you were hoping for more. More doesn't happen unless both partners want it.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 so is there anyway i can get closure by texting him - tell him how rude he is?
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 So if you do this, will it give you closure for certain? Especially if he doesn't respond back or responds back in defence? Understand your own motivations in doing this. Are you solely trying to gain his attention?
jcster Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 so is there anyway i can get closure by texting him - tell him how rude he is? No, don't text him. Closure is a myth - there's no "thing" you can do and immediately feel better. If you text him, you will either be ignored, which will hurt your feelings again - or - even worse, you open yourself to get played again. Players love women with low self-esteem. They can smell it a mile away. They know if they just act "nice" they can get what they want. That's why you have to make them wait. There are a few players out there that are willing to wait for what they want, but they're in the minority - usually you can scare them off by not falling for their bullsh*t.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 it may not give me closure - it may give me an indication of what he is up to>? which is better then me thinking it was what i said /didnt say/did /didnt do i was thinking over the last conversation - he was talking about threesomes - and i joked and said " no i dont like sharing" maybe this was it? i wasnt sexually adventourous enough???
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 great so what can i do? i feel completely sht. this is made worse by the fact that everyone my age is coupled up.......i have no network to help me/ London is such a lonely place.
Kamille Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 it may not give me closure - it may give me an indication of what he is up to>? which is better then me thinking it was what i said /didnt say/did /didnt do i was thinking over the last conversation - he was talking about threesomes - and i joked and said " no i dont like sharing" maybe this was it? i wasnt sexually adventourous enough??? So you are not looking for closure so much as you want a second chance. Sorry honey... Don't text him. I know you're hurting, but texting him won't acheive anything. And please stop trying to figure out if you did anything to make him leave. In the end it doesn't matter because you did those things because you're you, and they're you. And so this guy isn't for you.
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 great so what can i do? i feel completely sht. this is made worse by the fact that everyone my age is coupled up.......i have no network to help me/ London is such a lonely place. There's no quick cure for heart-break. Maybe this is the time to build up your inner strength and self-esteem. Expand your interests, get into a hobby you've always wanted to do, like sky-diving or something else exciting. This is the time. You're free as a bird.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 free as a bird - but CAGED in self doubt and criticism.
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 free as a bird - but CAGED in self doubt and criticism. Which is why you need to work on yourself, for yourself, not for anyone else. Do this because you want to feel better, so that the next time a relationship goes south and in reality, there will be another time, you will have the inner reserves to draw on. You have to stop viewing your self-worth through someone else's eyes.
Author so gutted Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 the most awful part of this is - that by seeing him i suddenly became happier/more confident.....and i woke up "boosted" that someone like him was interested in me...even on this level. i was happy that i had something else in my life other then work and no social life. i wasnt even envisaging a future with him - just a few dates at least........i was content with that....and i didnt even get it. the lost hope......
jcster Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 the most awful part of this is - that by seeing him i suddenly became happier/more confident.....and i woke up "boosted" that someone like him was interested in me...even on this level. That's the essence of low self esteem. You only feel good when you feel validated by someone else. It's like a drug, it gives the payoff without the work. Then, when it's gone, you get the crash. You're in esteem withdrawal. You just need to wait it out - it will go away. Just avoid finding some other guy to make yourself feel better - if you work on your own self esteem, you'll never feel this low again.
stillafool Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 it may not give me closure - it may give me an indication of what he is up to>? which is better then me thinking it was what i said /didnt say/did /didnt do i was thinking over the last conversation - he was talking about threesomes - and i joked and said " no i dont like sharing" maybe this was it? i wasnt sexually adventourous enough??? This guy sounds like he doesn't respect you. It was all about sex with him and you gave it up too fast. I can't believe you are blaming yourself for him not calling and texting. No don't text him for closure because it is going to make you look needy. If he is a rich, arrogant jerk then let him go. Yes, most likely he is dating other people too. The girl that wins this guys heart will treat him like the piece of sh-t he is and will have him begging her for sex then marriage. Like you said you have made this mistake before and it's time to start learning from them. Also if you are hung up on a guy being "rich" well get in line because you'll run hard in a race that you may or may not win. What you value is what you'll seek. If you value a good heart, loyality and respect in a man that's what you will seek. If you value money, arrogance and a jerk..........need I say more.
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2007 Author Posted September 6, 2007 well i was doing well...until the incident on fri ( see my other thread - 3 wasted meetings) ...i was supposed to meet a man but he didnt bother even calling....i was so pathetically needy that i let him do this to me 3 times...... when this guy let me down on fri night with no call/text....i was so low ...I CALLED THIS JERK....I CALLED HIM ON A FRI NIGHT.....of course he didnt pick up.... i got a text late yest saying - GOT YOUR MISSED CALL....HOW ARE U? why did i do this???? i havnt texted him back. he is an arrogant rich jerk and yes i am in line ...and i wish i really wish i could let him go................
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